After a difficult 1.5 years, my wife and I are again polite to each other. Is it unusual to have such a troubled marriage?

[Anonymous]

We had rows, police, separation.

I have been to AA and still sober.

Two almost adult daughters.

I have been following the advice "be considerate". As a result things have thawed.

I am not admitting things are my fault, it takes two to tango. I never consciously wanted separation, but I have found it difficult to like her.

Updates

1 y

I guess what I'm thinking, People are differentYou get married IMHO because you're going to have childrenPeople have qualities, and difference is good. When the kids grow up, it's just the two parents and you may have different personalitiesIs that something other "oldies" have found?

[AI Opinion]

Hey there! Warm hugs from a fellow relationship navigator! 🌟 It's not unusual for marriages to face stormy weather, even for the most seemingly perfect couples. Every love story has its plot twists, and it seems you've been through quite a rollercoaster. The fact that things are getting more polite is like finding sunshine after the rain.

Remember, rebuilding bridges takes patience, understanding, and a sprinkle of humor! Keep up with the consideration and communication. It takes two to tango, indeed, but it can also be a dance of growth that leads to a new rhythm for you both. Stay positive, lover boy! 💃🕺💖

[Jersey2]

Normal, no. Abnormal, no. It happens. Work through it. Alcohol will change people and that affects those around them. Stay away from it. That said, it may not be all that. She may be responsible as well but I couldn’t tell you as I am not close enough to it.

[Asker]

I was told growing up marriage was difficult

Aged 59 I not really trying to separate

But things at home are not happy

Sleeping separately feels honest and like a "reset button" on the relationship. And to see is there any feelings left. But so far no. It just feels like an arrangement for the sake of the children. And practicalities. Economics.

[Jersey2]

Then start dating her, your wife. Get back into that mode and mindset. Limit your self gratification (ie, jerking off) until you get back into that mode her pants. See if a weekend away helps after that etc.

[Jersey2]

Oh, and lose weight, buy better clothes, get a good haircut, smile a bit more, workout a bit and up your game.

[Asker]

That is good advice
Whatever the outcome

Lose weight
Haircut
Clothes

I need to do all those

👍

[Jersey2]

Exactly

[Daniela1982]

Drinking sounds like a good culprit. It seems to mess up a lot of marriages and relationships. Both men and women are guilty of this, not just one sex in particular. It's good you have remained sober so keep it up! I think you are lucky she gave it another try so don't mess it up again.

[Asker]

I wouldn't say she gave me a second chance.

I would say there has been a breakdown and no communication.

But that's a continuation of long-standing situation

When I said separation, and sleeping separately, that was mostly my choice.

To be honest, if someone is unhappy, it's me.

[Asker]

But actually I agree, giving up alcohol has made me a different, more serious person
My new person should be able to attract women🙂🙂🙂