Starting to resent my wife?

[Anonymous]

My wife has a big insecurity surrounding sex in which she feels I use her. The thing is, I’ve worked effortlessly for years to help ease that anxiety and show her I love her for her. This has caused me to grow weary and it makes me want to stop trying because the rejection and her never initiating is really eroding my self worth. I started working out a lot more and I’m noticing that a lot of other women are giving me attention. I’m not a cheater and I hate the path I’m going down. I just feel like we’ve had so many conversations about this and it’s not changing. What do I do?

[Seinna]

Tell her that her insecurity is starting to make you insecure and is affecting your mental health negatively. And that she needs to sort it out and take some responsibility because you did everything you could as her partner and maybe she requires professional help. It's no way to live and I understand you, it's like she's always undermining your feelings. Ask her how would she feel if you did that to her, if you constantly accused her of having bad intentions when she's trying hard to please you? You married her so that's proof enough that you want more than just sex. No man would marry a woman he doesn't love if he did it out of his own free will. I empathize with her too because those things are difficult to cope with but she needs to realize that she's hurting you and while she's insecure through no fault that you caused her, you're getting insecure because of the way she's treating you. I'd say you guys need to invest in a professional help if you want to save your marriage and it should be her call because it's a problem that is probably with her for years... she's an adult woman and she needs to start taking responsibility for herself.

[Anonymous]

If she's being honest and that is really the reason, then tell her that you've already commit yourself to her. You would never commit yourself to a woman if it was only for sex. Tell her if you just wanted sex from her you would have never proposed or wanted to see her for anything else. But you are still a man and get horny and want to make LOVE to your smoking hot wife! Follow it up with: "I think you're hot and I want to please and be pleased by my wife!! Sue me!!" Try to bring some comedy into it to make her relax a little!!

If she's using that as an excuse to avoid sex, there might something deeper going on in which case I suggest you tell her how this is hurting your self-esteem and you want to know what the root issue is so you can figure out your next move. Sex is a fundamental part of human health, you deserve to have your needs met. If she cannot meet your needs your marriage will suffer. Seek counselling and make sure she understands the depth of this issue.

[Asker]

I believe she being honest. I’m getting uncomfortable horny in my day to day lately. She’s making adjustments, but yeah it’s not fun to feel like your sexual desires take away from someone else’s well being.

[Opinion Owner]

I totally understand her feelings though. I am always afraid that I'll be used for sex. Your best bet is to keep reassuring her, get her to laugh about it somehow, turn on your masculinity big time (try to indirectly get her horny), walk around naked.. give her little ass slaps, tell her how hot she looks on days you wants sex, and be careful with the language that you use. Don't say "fuck" in terms of sleeping together, say make love to soften it maybe?

[In_Trance]

Chances are, the sexual insecurity is a byproduct of something else. Have open honest conversations, and work it out.

[Asker]

Well she’s also gained a lot of weight. Maybe a byproduct of that

[In_Trance]

It might be for you but probably not her

[Changiis07]

That's tough and I can relate to her. The feeling that men only want sex is something that goes through my head as well. It's good that you are seeking help for it. The only things I can think of that helps me is having my significant other really show me that they care about me. Listen to me, tell me you love me. I'm sure you've been doing all these things maybe try being more patient but also try to see if there's a way it can get through her...

[Claudia233]

I am not sure if you can really help her. She is the one that has to convince herself she is worth it and that sex is all she can offer. She has to build her confidence by herself.

[Razp_Sorbet]

Have you tried asking what she wants. If she feels like she is being used then it seems like she isn't satisfied with how the sex is for her.

[Asker]

It’s not the sex for her. It’s her feeling used and not worth anything other than sex which stems even before me.

[Razp_Sorbet]

Then what is going on outside of the sex? Do you spend time together? Go on dates? Do you help around the house? Pick up after yourself? Randomly give her kisses or cuddles. (Touching her without it being sexual)

[Asker]

Non sexual touch was a big one I had to work on. We go out on dates a good amount. Helping around the house I struggle with. I go to school and work full time. I’m working on that too. In the start of our relationship, it was all sexual. She’s still hurt by that. Trying to mend it

[Razp_Sorbet]

There's always time to do small tasks that makes her life easier. Putting a load of laundry on takes 2 minutes. Taking the rubbish out on your way out the door doesn't take much. Bring home flowers/her favourite food. It's all the little things that count and add up. Pleasure her with no expectations for anything back.

[Asker]

Thanks for the advice

[AvaOneLasTime]

New Wife? You are still young. And you sound weary, not inlove.

[Asker]

Do you believe that weary and love don’t coincide at times?

[AvaOneLasTime]

In my experience, they don't. I was never tired of loving someone. You?

[Asker]

I mean I’ve never heard of a marriage in which you didn’t have to work through serious issues and I suppose I define love by being there even when it’s hard. I’m just tired though

[AvaOneLasTime]

I think marriages in a way corrupt the relationship. Business gets involved often times. Or it starts to feel like business. People start take each other for granted, but also feeling 'stuck' with one another.
'has to' gets involved, whereas it should be 'if want to'.

[Subarugirl]

Have you contact to marriage counseling or sex therapy? If not, should like it would be a good idea.

[Anonymous]

Try to show her that your listening to her. She won't listen to you if she feels that your not listening to her.

[TheFlak38]

not a problem if you don't get married