What do you do when your best guy friend tries to date you?

[megzs16]

I need help! My best guy friend of 15 years, who is also my music partner, has been trying to date me. All I can say is I adore him to death, but I view him as a brother and not romantically at all. He just got out of a toxic marriage where his ex cheated, and now he's in a really vulnerable and lonely state. He's never tried to make moves on me before, so I don't know what changed. Now, all of a sudden, he is flirting and complementing my looks. He kissed my hand last time we hung out and gave me Valentine's Chocolates. He mentioned wanting to plan a trip to the beach this summer to get away since he's been stressed from the divorce. It's sweet and all, but it has made me feel very uncomfortable and awkward because I don't want to hurt him. It's to the point where I want to avoid him and that's not good because we do music together still and I still value his friendship. I know eventually I'll have to let him know I don't see him as more than friends, I just don't know how to deliver that message to him the best way? I can be a pretty timid girl, especially when it comes to conflict or rejecting people.

[Finchie40]

I know it’s hard to do , but you are best to be upfront and honest with him that you only like him as a friend and nothing more , Tell him you enjoy your friendship together but that’s it , just say I don’t want you to get the wrong impression and I don’t want to hurt your feelings whatsoever, but by you flirting with me , isn’t sitting well with me whatsoever. So I am sorry to tell you this , but it has to stop if we want to continue our friendship , if not then you are best to leave Your friendship with him will probably end and things will be different between you both , but it’s the right thing to do for yourself. Don’t worry about how he feels. He was the one crossing the line , not you. You don’t have to be rude to him , just be honest and upfront with him that you only like him as a friend. Also only say this to him privately, don’t say this in front of your other friends’ because he will be embarrassed and feel like he is put on the spot. If he chooses to leave after you talk to him , just let him Go , don’t try to stop him whatsoever because sadly it might give him hope that you possibly changed your mind. You got to stand your ground. Hopefully he is mature enough to understand rejection, I had to do this with some girls’ that I just considered friends’ that I wasn’t into , I just liked them as friends’ and they took it the wrong way , so i privately talked to them in a respectful way , some were cool with it and understood and some didn’t , the ones that didn’t , I told them to leave and not to call me ever again until you learn how to be mature. I will also tell them I like someone else so back off if they don’t take No for an answer

[BarryLiverstone]

After getting cheated on he’s likely feeling powerless and lonely. He’s trying to figure out why he wasn’t enough for his wife and worries he can’t attract someone else. That’s where you can help him as a good friend as well as reinforcing your boundaries. Let him know a few reasons why you treasure his friendship and tell him you want to help him find another person this summer. If you end up going to the beach let him know you can help him talk to women and work as a team to get some sone dates. If he sees you are willing to help he will appreciate it and know that you want him to find someone else. After 15 years I’m sure you feel for him and his broken heart

[HollyK21]

I know this won’t be what you want to hear, but you may have to set some firm boundaries that if he can’t abide by then you can’t be friends. I get that you don’t want to hurt his feelings, but you are doing more harm than good by engaging any of his advances in even the slightest.


I’m not sure in what ways you’re telling him that you aren’t interested, but he clearly isn’t getting the message and if anything, thinks that you will warm up to him when that just isn’t the case. The kindest thing you can do is be honest, and yes the truth may hurt but it’s better than extending this facade any more days or weeks.

[Nikki1989]

It's not your fault he developed feelings, but it is your responsibility to be honest and clear and don't give him false hope or leave room for misinterpretation.

[bowenw]

I think you have to be straight with him and tell him you appreciate his friendship and want things to remain that way.

[red-lipstick-girl]

I will not accept it and will end my friendship.

[Pterodon]

Just tell him what you told us

[jahaims]

Cut ties