Would it bother you if your younger sibling lived with you and asked to move their boyfriend/girlfriend in?

[Anonymous]

My partner aged 35, bought a 2 bed flat 3 years ago. Because he was single and didn't want to live alone asked his younger sister aged 19 to move in with him. She started dating someone shortly after and asked if he could stay over. Eventually he moved in. That relationship broke down after a year and she started dating someone else. The same thing happened again.

Context: my partner says he views his sister like his daughter because there is 11 years between them and he looked after her a lot when his mum returned to work after 3 months of giving birth. His sister doesn't pay rent because she claims she and her boyfriend don't earn enough and he pays all the bills, buys food shopping for the household and also cooks them dinner. The only responsibility they have is keeping their room tidy.

[OneViewpoint]

Whoa! Huge red flags here. Big brother is training a freeloader. Little sister is now 22 and I assume her current boyfriend is likewise an adult. You don't get to live expense free like you're a child forever.

You don't earn enough? Tough shit. Both of the freeloaders need to get a career on track. They need to pay their share of the rent, electric, heat, insurance, and food bill. They need to share ALL of the cooking and cleaning chores. Welcome to life as an adult assholes.

Anything less is setting up your little sister for a lifetime of failure and misery with no work ethic and no sense of accomplishment. She needs to understand her brother's help is a privilege and not an entitlement.

[Asker]

Oh wow 😲. Someone that thinks the same way as me. Thank goodness. I was starting to feel like I was just being a b*tch!
It severely affected our relationship. I've now come back to my place with our son on my own. He likes living that way so he can get on with it. Before I moved in, before we had our son I told him I didn't like the living arrangements and as it felt like a student home I preferred to stay at mine. But he argued I wasn't trying to make the relationship work. 4 months I stuck it out. And I could bare it any longer.

[OneViewpoint]

The choices your boyfriend is making says something about him. Not good things. He's not putting his child and family first. He's enabling self destructive behavior in his loser sister and her loser boyfriend. It makes me wonder what his family life was like growing up.

[Asker]

I've had the same questions but I felt like I was going crazy tbh, because he makes so many excuses for them. I had enough. I went as far as wondering if I was jealous because I was brought up with the motto, you have to take responsibility for your life and nothing in life comes free but actually, I am happy I'm not living off anyone not beholden. I just gotta keep it moving, got another one on the way, due in march.

[Finchie40]

I can see your frustrations and if your boyfriend doesn’t do anything about it , you have a choice to leave that relationship over it , o have a sit down talk with your boyfriend about the situation and try to compromise with each other , if he isn’t willing to do so , then I suggest you leave that relationship because he isn’t going to put his sister on the street

[Asker]

I have left the relationship. I didn't think it was fair to kick his sister out, which I said to him. But I did say that while I was living there I couldn't accept how things were. Especially if he was complaining at me about feeling overwhelmed by the additional work he had to do, I mean there were 8 pairs of hands in the household. And if he couldn't find a way to manage the situation, or sit us all down to agree to changes as a group, I needed to come back home. He didn't like that and it got violent. So here we are! Thank you for your opinion.

[MemeSupreme]

yeah altho if it was something dire and they're in a serious relationship, then i'd maybe allow it

BUT anyone living with me IS going to do basic chores and pitch in with money (idc if its just groceries). i literally had to did this as a kid lol so an adult can definitely do it

[Anonymous]

He's a grown man and making his own choices. It's your own adult choice to stay with him or not. It could be worse.

[AI Opinion]

As your friendly neighborhood relationship coach, it's important to balance sibling love with personal boundaries. Your partner's generosity is heartwarming, but this situation might be a red flag for feeling taken advantage of. Communication and setting clear boundaries can be a game-changer, ensuring everyone's comfortable and respected. A little heart-to-heart with his sister could help clarify expectations moving forward. Love is great, but don’t forget self-love too! 😉

[Asker]

I would love to find someone he respects enough to take on board what they have to say about this matter. He certainly didn't regard my words highly. It became violent and now I'm home with our son, without him.

[WhitneySnow]

Something is weird here. He got violent with you over taking care of his sister and yet he leaves you with both your son? I hate to bring up a bad subject, but it sounds like he’s sleeping with his sister. Or at least wants to. Even more likely if she’s only a half sister (as evidenced by the age gap).

[Asker]

Not a half sister. Full. The boyfriend lives in the flat with them. I wouldn't claim incest. He was violent with me because he didn't want me to leave him. I have taken out son back to my home for safety and to get on with my life without the fear I may miscarry my 2nd child under the circumstances to which I was living. He made a rod for his own back. I knew I wouldn't get on in that environment but gave it a chance because he said I was being unreasonable and trying to stop our relationship developing. He didn't manage my expectations appropriately because he lied to me about a number of things including their ability to help and take responsibility for themselves. So it escalated. I'm out of there and won't go back.

[OlderAndWiser]

Apparently, you are unhappy with this situation but your partner is not. Do you know where this scenario will lead you?

[Asker]

It has lead me and my son back to my flat. I'm not living like that anymore. b

[OlderAndWiser]

That is the only workable resolution.

[236color]

I would kill my younger brother before it eventually that far.

[Asker]

Lol fair enough

[D_Bone_Steak]

Some people enjoy having a dependent around.

I on the other hand am not one of those people. An extra bedroom means another gym to me.

[RedInnocent69]

Kinda. Are they contributing, or is it a temp/crash thing?

[Asker]

Been living there for 3 years. No contribution, no rent, no electricity or gas, no food shopping, no shared chores. The only thing they do is keep their room tidy. Everything else is provided for them. They work by the way. Part time but they still earn. So much so the sister was able to afford £8k down payment on a car that is now financed.

[RedInnocent69]

Then, yeah. Fuck that shit

[Asker]

You know that nearly everyone I speak to says this. But my ex didn't seem to think anything of it. I personally wasn't comfy with the idea of living in effectively shared accommodation, when I was a student there were many arguments about living arrangements. Which as a new mum and 34 year old who has lived on their own for 13 years didn't want to repeat. But he lied to me stating they were helpful and I was just being difficult not trying to make the relationship work and basically wanting things my way all the time.
It was only when I got there that I got to understand that all this I've mentioned above was the case. He didn't manage my expectations because he lied to me. I'm just glad I had somewhere else to go back to when sh*t hit the fan.

[Nikki1989]

Something seems a little off here. You might want to play it safe and refuse.

[avery58]

They are taking full advantage of your boyfriend.

[WhitneySnow]

That would annoy me but it’s his business as long as I’m not living there too

[MJVillarama]

That sounds tough! He’s super generous, but setting some boundaries might help everyone.

[fivebyfour]

If they paid 2/3 of the bills then I'd consider it,,,

[Anonymous]

Sounds like the relationship was doomed before it began. Why have a child with someone you have a back on flat with? "I'll have a child with you but I refuse to give up my flat"

Deffo more to the story here.

[Opinion Owner]

Also no, it wouldn't bother me because I'm sure the sister was there before so when I was moving in I'd be making a informed decision that could be blamed on one person and that's myself.

[Guanfei]

It's a big no. Not only she's living off of him, but the boyfriend will do the same.

[red-lipstick-girl]

Lo I would definitely look at my sister, but I would never look at her boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

It wouldn't bother me if I had a very large house.

[Asker]

Their bedrooms are side by side. The sister often keeps her tv on throughout the night to prevent noise seepage. (I'm guessing)

[Opinion Owner]

That's a bit annoying, right?

[Asker]

For me yes. He's told me to ignore them.

[Opinion Owner]

I guess that's the best thing you can do for now.

[Asker]

I went back to my home instead of staying there, being ignored, feeling uncomfortable and having communal area arguments.

[Opinion Owner]

Smart thinking.

[Asker]

Thank you... Since being home I'm at peace. It's wonderful.

[Opinion Owner]

You're welcome. I'm glad you handled the problem well.

[beenherebefore]

Absolutely! My home is not a hotel.

[MannMitAntworten]

It is his place and his choose.

[Iron_Man]

No way I’m not gonna have that

[Unycorn]

Yes. Definitely.