Girls & guys: how might someone feel if their partner made about them in this situation?

[Anonymous]

Eg. A couple live together, the man has his friend over to watch sport on tv, his girlfriend comes away from studying in the other room to finish off dinner and dish it up and take it to him (and offer his friend some also). The boyfriend then makes a joke to his friend saying she doesn’t usually do this (when she has - they share it equally). And she jokes back and says you can cook the next ones from now on then, he replies saying be careful it’s hot as she hands it to him (implying she should’ve said that - although she was carrying it fine, not being too hot). She doesn’t say anything more, but later in the evening she let him know she didn’t really appreciate it (as he has criticised and embarrassed her before in public so it didn’t quite feel like a joke even if it was meant as one). He later explodes over her raising her feelings calling her wet etc for feeling that way, he even rang his friend up in the phone mid explosion and his friend totally backed him up in an argumentative manner saying no it was funny not horrible in the slightest!

What are your thoughts about the comments made? And the responses given?

In my opinion if someone doesn’t appreciate it and they’re kindly trying to let someone know that, a loving partner would be caring and respectful of that and be understanding of that viewpoint but still put across their own point of view kindly if it’s wasn’t meant like that. But was it meant as just a joke or was there some underlying undermining going on?

Updates

6 mo

*made a joke about them*

[DonaldDarko]

She likes thugs she's the female equivalent of those to men. Either live with that behavior or find a man with actual frontal lobes. Pro tip, watch him morph into Homer Simpson in his later years.

[Asker]

She doesn’t like thugs. She’s empathetic. Some people just take advantage of that.

[DonaldDarko]

Probably not overly bright or maybe young and naive. I've seen so many women have problems with clowns like that. I guess they think they can civilize them or something, who knows.

[Asker]

I think that’s lack of understanding and experience talking. They’re not like that straight off the bat, and it’s subtle manipulation that changes people over time. People higher in empathy are more prone to this too.

[Anonymous]

Gaslighting denying your feelings are valid it's a manipulation tactic a form of abuse frim a narcissist

[Asker]

It could’ve just been a joke because he does joke like that, but she didn’t like it in the context of history in their relationship. There have also been many good times too. But she felt he’d unfairly ran her down a lot to his friend behind her back so it didn’t feel like a joke to her.

[Asker]

And the anger that followed after was way out of proportion. Now he is a soft and loving person on the one end, not on the other end he’s abusive

[Staximus]

The guy sounds like an asshole

[Asker]

He’s two extremes, the nice person, then an asshole.

[Brady]

I agree with you.

[Asker]

It could’ve just been a joke because he does joke like that, but she didn’t like it in the context of history in their relationship. There have also been many good times too. But she felt he’d unfairly ran her down a lot to his friend behind her back so it didn’t feel like a joke to her. And the anger that followed after was way out of proportion. Now he is a soft and loving person on the one end, not on the other end he’s abusive.