Should I be concerned if my boyfriend hasn’t told me he loves me yet?

[Anonymous]

Weve been together for about 5 months now and I know I’m starting to. the most we’ve spoken about it was him saying one of these days his feelings will be love which means as of right now he doesn’t. Shouldn’t he know by now?

[Purpleronnie]

Hmm , why are you actually concerned?


Because you feel it and you don’t want to say it until he does?


Personally being you or him , I wouldn’t worry so much about what my partner says because let’s be honest how they act is a better tell.. I really don’t understand why people put so much on those 3 little words and it’s only 5 months so having lived a life full of relationship experience I doubt whether I’d feel anything close to love after only 5 months. But that’s looking back with maturity, to ask me at 20 , I may have replied differently I suppose.


Some people don’t say I love you casually , others it slips out when they’re closer to their emotions


My advice , forget about those words and pay attention to how he treats you , specifically


Does he make time for you consistently?
Has he introduced you to friends and family?
Does he talk about future plans with you?
Does he show you care and support in your off or challenging days?


… these are just a few examples.


For me saying “ I love you “ is a big deal and I want to be confident of my feelings as well as understand why … but actions speak way louder than words

[Asker]

I agree I really appreciate that thanks ! And yes he does all those things it’s going great for now

[Purpleronnie]

I’m glad , then as long as that’s the case then you don’t have much to be anxious over. Best advice I can give? let him take care of you , appreciate him , let him see you need him and don’t be afraid of being vulnerable with him. In my humble opinion guys that basically what men want.

[madhatters4]

5 months does sort of seem a point where those things may happen but it is different for everyone. are you guys exclusive? does he have a history that you can use for reference? like has he ever been in love? how long did it take him to determine how he felt about that person?

i don't know if you should be concerned but it is something certainly worth wondering about. it could also help to understand if he is a person who may feel love, act in love, but not say the words

[Asker]

Do you think I should ask him? Is that invasive?

[madhatters4]

you can and i would say should have already inquired about his past relationships. not like you're a sleuth snooping but as part of getting to know him.
like if you asked him and he said, oh i dated a girl for 2-years. then a follow up could be, were you in love with her? if yes, when did you know you loved her?

but the convo has to be one that doesn't merely seem like you are fishing for info but truly and earnestly curious about his past/who he is

[Asker]

We’ve spoken about past relationships and love and he said he’s been in love once as am I. And we both agreed someone should know they love the other after a couple months

[madhatters4]

well if you guys have discussed this and he said he would expect to know after a couple of months (a couple in my mind is 2, maybe a bit more) then yeah i guess i would wonder why he hasn't determined how he feels

that said if you two are happy, the relationship is going well. if you trust him and feel like you guys have a great relationship I wouldn't get too hung up on on the word 'love'. but if there are elements of your relationship that make you skeptical then maybe you try to find a way to bring it up.

tell him you are just concerned. you are worried that you felt like he would've come to understand how you feel, based on our past convos, and you are worried that perhaps he isn't feeling it and won't feel it.

[MontBlanc]

It’s completely normal to feel concerned when your feelings start growing.

Not everyone feels or says ‘I love you’ on the same timeline.

The fact that he said ‘one of these days my feelings will be love’ shows he’s aware of his emotions and doesn’t want to say something he doesn’t truly feel yet.

What matters most is how he treats you and whether he’s consistent, caring, and present in the relationship.

If you’re feeling uncertain, it’s okay to gently share your feelings and curiosity about how his are evolving, without pressuring him.

That way, you can both stay honest and connected.

[Simslover92]

No, everyone is different.

Some guys know pretty quickly if they love someone and will say it within the first month or so while others might take six to eight months to say it, maybe even longer.

I wouldn't worry too much about it though. As long as the communication between you guys are top notch and you are both showing how much you care and feel for each other, it will happen eventually. Probably much sooner than you think.

[Asker]

Thanks!

[Simslover92]

You're welcome. Thanks for MHO!

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to decode relationship mind-games and help you avoid red flags while keeping your heart safe 💘

5 months isn’t automatically a red flag. Some people take longer to say “I love you” because they don’t want to lovebomb or say it just to keep you happy. His honesty that he’s “not there yet” is actually a green flag.

What matters: his consistency, effort, and how safe you feel with him. You can love him without rushing him, but don’t stay forever in “almost love.” If, after more time, his actions feel deep but the words never follow, that’s when you reconsider the emotional mismatch, not now.

[Summeroflove]

Have you said it either? I’m assuming not. It’s five months slow down and communicate if you feel like you’re starting to maybe he feels the same. You don’t know where one another is at unless you ask and express.

Five months really isn’t that long. It’s long enough to have these conversations. If you were together three years and nobody’s said it. Yeah I would be concerned.

[Cyfris]

He knows. He likely doesn't say it though because the time hasn't felt right, or he is scared, or is worried it will change the things he likes that are currently happening. To go from not saying it to saying it is a change and change is scary for most people. Guys have to be much more guarded these days because the consequences of moving to fast or crossing a line are so sharp and severe. 5 months is a short time to say something that could change your life forever. If everything else is great except for this one thing i'd say be patient.

[Asker]

Thanks ! I appreciate that

[Cyfris]

Yeah np

[Anonymous]

Oh, bless your heart girl !! Guys know if you're a keeper or if they love you after about a month, depending how much time you spend together. Even with that said, it's one of two things:

1) guys your age don't want to say the words because they're too final, too committal, and it means in his head -- is this the last girl I'm ever supposed to fuck? Nah, not ready for that. Or

2) He doesn't love you, he knows he doesn't, but you'll do for right now.

What are you looking for? If a guy says he loves you after 6 months, are you looking for a marriage proposal? If you are that marriage minded, you need to tell the guys you're dating this before your start dating them.

[Asker]

Is that really the case? I never knew if I genuinely loved someone after one month

[Opinion Owner]

Guys don't love the same way women do. A guy thinks like this: Is she pretty enough? Is she reasonably smart enough? If you've had sex with him already, then he's thinking - Is the sex good enough? and the big one - Can I see waking up next to her for the rest of my life? That means If you wear a lot of makeup and look way different with it on than you do in the morning, he's gotta be attracted to how you look with no makeup on. If he's not, forget it. He'll never really love you. That's how guys think, for the most part.

[slatyb]

What do you want from this relationship? A long-term partnership? Marriage? Children? Have you talked to him about it?

But yes, he should know by now. Don't be one of those young women who stays with a man for years waiting for a proposal that is never coming. Ideally we should talk about our goals very soon after we start dating someone so we don't waste time with someone who doesn't share our goals.

[Crankor]

Its probably just taking him longer to really be sure. Maybe subconsciously he's waiting to see if the ways you show love are his love language. In any case, id say its better for someone to not say it to he sure than just mouth it off to someone after something like 3 weeks. It will have more meaning when he does.

[MissSunshine2]

I fell in love first, too. I am confused currently, because the man I love wants to date me exclusively, be my boyfriend and has described a strong feeling of family love and some physical attraction but denies he's in love.

[CriminallyInsane]

Five months isn't that long no matter how it feels. It's nothing to be concerned about.

[NoDecision]

If you are having sex, it is more likely that he is using you and never intends to marry you. Use your best judgement before you move forward. Only you can know for sure.

[BrittneyHl]

I think guys take longer than girls often to say that so I wouldn't worry

[WhitneySnow]

Have you told him you love him? What does he say back?

[Med_guy1978]

I personally believe in showing love not needing to reassure that with words. Everyone is different so look out for the telltale signs.

[MidnightRivers]

Nah 5 mths is still quite early and generally a man will say it when he's secure enough in the relationship and knows it won't backfire

[SAMI_DABBAB]

It takes me like 54 minutes to write a declaration of love to someone I feel very happy around

[Jeff51]

How long have you 2 been dating? If will come. What does he say when you say it?

[Asker]

We’ve been dating 5 months which I guess now I do realize really isn’t that long. I haven’t said it either I just don’t want him to only say it because I said it, you know? when he says it to me, I want to know that it just came from him.

[beefcakebradybatson]

Sorta, though unfortunately, most of us men don't freely express our feelings as do women.

[Anonymous]

That depends, have you said "I love you to him"?

[Anonymous]

No, he is probably waiting for the right moment.

[Anonymous]

It’s only five months.

[spartan55]

Shouldn't you? Why haven't you said it?

[Daytoday79]

I'd say yes.