How does growing up with an absent father affect sons and daughters differently?

Question

I was lucky to have been raised in a family where my dad has always adored my mom deeply and I know what to expect of a man… And how devoted they can be.

But I know this is something I should feel lucky for… And not may people got both parents around them growing up.

I Would love to know how does having an absent father affect the son? (Or a daughter)

And does it affect them differently? Please, consider it a safe space and feel free to share your stories or thoughts.

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

I think it depends on the person I didn't have a dad growing up and from 5 years old to 30 something every guy that I saw walking I would just stare at them and read them and wonder if that was my dad because I was always wondering who am I what am I all about

And then finally I got the opportunity to meet him and I went there looking to find myself who am I and nothing negative about this because he is a really good guy but I found out who I didn't want to be instead of who am I

And I left my house when I was 16 and a half and I would not change a thing because looking at guys wondering if that was my parent it made me learn how to read people and in doing so I got to know exactly who men are what they're all about

And just like with everything else in life you know there's some bad parts but I would not trade my life for anything it made me stronger and made me better I'm not worried about Who I Am anymore I know who I am

And what people have to understand is just because our genes are from our parents that's not where our DNA comes from

If we could ever get honest answers on who we truly are I think it would Amaze everybody

We are built tough we have so much knowledge that is incorporated into our bodies ourselves it is unreal our bodies are fine-tune machines with Precision we are made but all the answers are inside of us and when we want to find out an answer all we have to do is open that door or learn how to open that door or other people open that door for us just with communication

That's why everybody that comes into our lives there's a reason for it and it's to open up certain doors say a certain word become a certain type of person to us

Everything that you're going through with your Romance there's a reason for it it's because those people are going to open up doors for you inside of you as you are going to do for them

Just like everybody on Gag asking certain questions is to open up certain doors within all of us we are all one

And for anybody that didn't grow up with a parent

No matter how you look at it take advantage of it look at all the Insight that you have gained all the hurt all the pain that is knowledge that is not meant to hurt you it's meant to make you a better person and you have to allow that to happen

nolabels · Accepted Answer

I lost my dad to cancer in 1970, when I was 11 and he was 42.
I adored him.
I still do.

I have a much older brother and a sister, and two sisters who are slightly younger than me.

All of my siblings have told me that they feel that I took the loss of our dad by far the hardest of us 5 kids.

The two older sibs had already left our family home to begin their own lives, so they say the impact on them was way less than on myself and the two younger sisters.
That's nice of them to say to me, but I don't fully believe that they weren't heartbroken, too.
(Maybe that's NOT terribly nice of them to say so, though, by my older sister, anyway.
She seems to pity me more than empathizing with me).
My brother seems a bit uncomfortable in talking about Dad.
Not always, but yes, sometimes.

My two younger sisters have told me that they had each other 'as sisters' in the wake of Dad's passing, and they also could see that I'd been wrecked by losing Dad.

I just now had this thought.
My two younger sisters say that they had each other 'as sisters' after losing Dad.
I now think that it might have been nice for me to have been included in that group, making the grouping then be, not 'as sisters', but as a trio of heartbroken kids.

(My thoughts are evolving as I type, it seems):
I guess there was a trio of heartbroken kids, after all, as well as there being 'a pair of sisters' connection for them, too.

I went off the rails emotionally, big time, for many years, climbing slowly back into the light that was still there the entire time that I was so lost in the dark.

The grief was finally monumentally 'fixed' for me one day when someone influential in my life told me, about ten years ago, that my dad was a 'good man'.

It was what I needed to hear, apparently, because my spirit lifted greatly after hearing that said to me.

I'd heard people offering compliments about Dad over the years of how handsome, intelligent, and talented he was, but no one else had ever said that he was a 'good man'.

We're all sinners, but yeah, to have someone say that my dad was a good man was HUGE to the little boy that's still inside me.

Cheers to you!

7Phoenix7 · Accepted Answer

Ooo this is a very thoughtful question…

I think for sons, the absence often shows up as like a lack of a male role model. Struggling with identity or what “being a man” looks like… Learning masculinity from his friends, media, or trial-and-error instead of guidance from his actual father.

Amd then for daughters I feel like it impacts how they relate to men emotionally…

They might start seeking validation or attention from men more strongly than girls/women with a great father figure in their life. Sometimes they end up lowering their standards too without realizing it…

on the positive side… Some people develop stronger emotional intelligence because they had to “figure things out” on their own. But… having both parents in your life is so important in my opinion…

Simslover92 · Accepted Answer

I grew up without a father and I guess from him not being around, I developed anxious attachment style in relationships... well one relationship. Fear of abandonment is usually something that many of us daughters go through when there isn't a father in the household and seeking male validation as well. This has been a common occurrence among me and my friends who also grew up without a father.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

My aim on GAG is to decode relationship patterns so you don’t fall for walking red flags in disguise 😏

Boys without a dad often struggle with identity, confidence, anger, and “how to be a man.” They may overcompensate, act tough, or fear failure and responsibility.

Girls often feel unworthy, fear abandonment, crave male validation, fall for lovebombing, or tolerate ghosting and inconsistent guys, because chaos feels familiar.

Both can heal, but your example of a loving dad is the standard many are still trying to learn from scratch.

molonski2 · Answer

I can speak from experience here , my father was in a car accident when I was 7 years old , he eventually died when I was 14 years old , it affected me greatly , economically , emotionally , plus my mother had had 5 children and needed that " check and balance " she became completely different ( she had never worked a " job " ) and never did her entire life.
It affected me the most being the youngest , I have been though this with psychologists , and all comes back to what happened on the day of that accident , and the next 8 years , so the entire thing completely changed me , and it changed her too.
Horrendous stuff , and for those that day " I do great as a single parent " you may , but it's never going to be as good.
I then went on to marry completely the wrong individual in hindsight ( and yes I should have known) we coparented for 20 years , it was not ideal , very worried about her side of family , basically all welfare recipients, or crimals , barring her and her sister , we produced 2 great girls but I'm sure they suffered in multiple ways.
It's akin to people who are " beaten in the woodshed " and they say " It didn't do me any harm " , yes , I'm sorry to tell you , it did you a LOT of harm , you simply have not studied the phycology of that utter destruction.
We are all fragile at the core , hence two parents , two working , involved parents are vital for a great upbringing.

RavVid · Answer

It affects both sons and daughters... badly. Now I am not going to cite sources unless requested but in terms of ranking a present mother and father achieves best outcomes in children, a single father achieves nearly as good outcomes, whilst a single mother obtains worst out comes.

In terms of sons I think the absence of a relationship with a mature man should be expected to cause deficiencies. Schools are almost entirely staffed with women and universities are also strongly female. So a boy without a present father is highly unlikely to establish a relationship with a mature man and will have no role model till about 25. That is a bit late.

In short it is incredibly poor artificial child rearing for a boy.

It is not much better for a daughter. SoCal child authority stated that daughters without a present father have male hunger (report's words) and they are more likely to lose their virginity earlier. Without putting emphasis on virginity, that does mean they are getting into essentialy adult relationships well before they are adults.

Children without a present father have inferior academic results, poorer socialization, more emotional issues & more likely to use drugs. Children of single mothers are disproportionally represented in jails.

msc545 · Answer

Father absence affects children through reduced structure, attachment security, and role modeling, but the impact tends to differ by gender. In sons, the absence of a father is more often associated with difficulties in identity formation, particularly around masculinity, as well as increased externalizing behaviors such as aggression, impulsivity, and academic disengagement. These patterns are thought to reflect both reduced supervision and the lack of a consistent male role model for emotional regulation and behavioral control.

In daughters, father absence more commonly influences attachment and relational development. It is associated with greater vulnerability to anxiety, depression, and lower self-esteem, as well as altered expectations of trust and stability in relationships with men. Daughters may be more prone to seeking external validation or forming insecure attachment styles. Importantly, these outcomes are not deterministic and are strongly moderated by the quality of caregiving, environmental stability, and the presence of supportive alternative figures.

Anonymous · Answer

I feel alienated, like I basically had to raise myself. Although it gave me a lot of freedom, it was also scary because I had to figure a lot of stuff out for myself. To complicate matters, sometimes my parents were around, and when they were they were pretty strict, plus they fought a lot. My therapist says they were erratic. I was glad to get away to boarding school in ninth grade.

Unycorn · Answer

Yes.

Latee maybe with 14plus a boy needs a father. More than the mother. A man shows him different things. Can talk about different things. Understand a boy much more probably. Until then I guess a mother is more important.

A girl needs a father and a mother. Later maybe more a mother to learn skills. Or what to do or what is not ok in a relationship.

Know borders.

Only works in a healthy family.

Fact: foe a healthy personality parents are needed. Mother & father as well.

In my opinion.

NathanDavis · Answer

I think that depends and varies... case by case scenario

I do have friends and acquaintances who grew up without a father in their lives and they "turned out to be" completely different people, both for good and bad...

but that, was not a direct result of a father being present or not... it was just ONE of many other factors about them, the other people in their lives and so many other personal circumstances too

Sunshinelips · Answer

Speaking from someone’s daughter, my mum raised me single handedly and I’m not perfect in relationships. I have abandonment issues and low self esteem. I am starved of love and I crave it but I refuse to beg for it. I have problems with loneliness and mental health issues. I’m not easy.

RingOfFire · Answer

When I was younger I dated a few girls whose fathers left their lives while they were young... maybe they died, or they divorced. What I noticed was that those girls had a definite difference in their personalities. They were almost always insecure and needy always needing to get confirmation of their worth. They lived for compliments because they had low opinions of themselves. I think girls get that confirmation of their value from their fathers. It's the first recognition of their worth from the opposite sex. Without it they are always seeking that confirmation from other men.

Sunnyrjs · Answer

I was around twelve or thirteen when I lost both my parents luckily I have an older sister so I wasn't put into foster or something but it does make you take you responsibility a bit quickly, you have to get up in your feet a bit early. You can feel a bit detached from people because of the fear of loss.
But it matures you quickly and make you value the people you have.

exitseven · Answer

I dated 3 girls with no fathers. I never really thought too much about it until later in life. Looking back I think that they all were looking for a father figure.

Jeff51 · Answer

I didn't have my dad. I grew up with mother and grandma. I think I turned out ok.

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

Lad lacks his potentially most important male role model; lass doesn't have the first man with whom she will interact and from whom she should learn how a man should behave towards a woman.

LazerBean · Answer

I'm sure there are some differences, but the similar toes are much stronger. Fatherless people are much more likely to be promiscuous, abused, fail in their romantic relationships, struggle to thrive as adults, and homosexual.

fonduegirl · Answer

I don't mean to stereotype but while daughters become people pleasers and slutty, sons resort to aggressive, arrogant roles, due to absence of father

msg321 · Answer

I can't say anything definite but I guess it affects daughters more because they are naturally more emotional and closer to their dads

In_Trance · Answer

It's not hard to see the results of absent parents, just look around.  Boys end up in jail Girls become sluts

AcidMan · Answer

The sons get to grow up to fast and can get violent. The daughters get like older men ore an flirt not too good

Anonymous · Answer

It affects daughters more, in a negative way.

Bloodparadise · Answer

Family is sinful. It destroys free will. Beware!

Dargil · Answer

Completely differently.

Jonettacali · Answer

God is my father 😲 பிதா

MasterKS · Answer

Yes it does.

Anonymous · Answer

Makes them Gay

How does growing up with an absent father affect sons and daughters differently?

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Can a fathers absence in both children’s life but more interest in the son and not the daughter mess up the daughters mental later in life?

How does growing up with an absent father affect sons and daughters differently?

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Can a fathers absence in both children’s life but more interest in the son and not the daughter mess up the daughters mental later in life?

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