How can I stop people pleasing and say no without excuses?

Question

my whole life I’ve been a people pleaser, and I’m still learning my way out of it but I noticed I still fall into plans I never wanted to do in the first place, or when I do build up the courage to cancel a plan it’s usually making up an excuse. I’d like to be better and just be able to sit comfortably in saying no without giving reason

lightbulb27 · Accepted Answer

Went through that. It's a self worth problem at it's core but as well, how you feel about yourself. You may not have sight of your purpose, or your purpose feels to serve others.

There's nothing wrong with some of that, it's how you feel about it. Mother Teresa did well caring for others.

If you are a sensitive person, taken some abuse, then you may have fallen into the emotional control of others... deep down feel oppressed and operating out of those low energy vibes.

So the way out of it is restoring your own good energy. I did that by finding Christ.

The second thing to do is simply to practice saying no and feeling ok about it. Writing down when you have these conflicts of feelings and what it roots to. Resolving the root emotional impacting issues will help free up your energy.

Notice that you are not like some other people and their personalities. So you cannot compare to others, just make yourself the best you can be, were made to be.

As a warning, you can be "self screwing", so pay attention to your decisions, if they are in your best interests. Be your own best advocate. I highly recommend finding Christ so the deeper inner heart is healed. If not, then find some other way you resonate to "good".

Staximus · Accepted Answer

There's no need to cancel a plan if you never agree to it in the first place, a then you don't look like a flake

HollyK21 · Accepted Answer

I think fear of confrontation comes with things like people pleasing, being disagreeable, advocating for yourself, etc. It’s normal to subconsciously worry about saying the wrong thing, upsetting someone or even messing up the connection altogether. But if there’s anything I’ve really had to get better about, it’s advocating for myself over the years, speaking my mind, and never making myself feel bad for it.

In most cases, saying “yes” to someone rarely ever requires an explanation, so why should my “no”? A yes is just a yes, no questions asked. No should receive the same energy. The right people won’t be passive aggressive or weird about it; they won’t give you a hard time or push and prod to change your mind. Those are the people whose answers, input or otherwise that you should care about, because they care equally about you. Anyone else is just selfish, and honestly quit entitled to act as though you owe them something.

rachel776 · Accepted Answer

i don't mean to post 2 Mel Robbins videos, just happened to apply in the 2 questions . .

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

My aim on GAG is to help you untangle messy relationship patterns and fall in love with your own boundaries first 💋

People pleasing is like emotional ghosting yourself. Start using short, clean no’s: “I can’t,” “That doesn’t work for me,” “I’m going to pass.” No excuse, no story.

You’ll feel guilty at first, that’s normal, not a red flag. Let the discomfort sit, breathe through it, and remember: every honest no is a huge lovebomb to yourself.

OneViewpoint · Answer

Just do it. Say no, I don't want to do that. No, I'm not interested. No, I don't want Italian food tonight.

nolabels · Answer

Just start doing it, say no. It gets much easier after the first time.

jahaims · Answer

Learn how to place healthy boundaries

Bloodparadise · Answer

Never liked people.

How can I stop people pleasing and say no without excuses?

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