Was I wrong for telling my boyfriend I don't have an Instagram account?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend asked if I had Instagram Weve only been together for about a week Then he said if you have Instagram give it to me and give me the password too I told him I dont have an Instagram account Not because Im cheating on him or talking to other guys but because I consider it private I've had a few male friends for years and I know he would probably ask me to remove them

[HollyK21]

This does not sound like a good situation. If he wants your password it’s most likely because he’s got trust issues, which I don’t agree with him bringing into a brand new situation. However you will only add to, and justify, those issues by lying about such unnecessary things. You don’t know if he would asked you to remove your male friends, but if you’re hiding them like this then that makes it look shady and as if there’s more to those connections than there is at all.


I’m someone who believes that any friends I’ve made before my relationship, I am going to keep. Especially if they aren’t problematic then no, I’m not dropping my old male friends. However if I were in your shoes, I couldn’t even blame my new boyfriend for wanting them gone, because now he will wonder why you hid them. I just think you’re starting things on the wrong foot, and creating a mess. If you don’t feel as though you can be honest or advocate for not only yourself but your unproblematic friendships then I don’t know, maybe you aren’t mature enough for a serious relationship yet.

[Asker]

I actually told him I didn’t have an Instagram account because I wasn’t thinking about anything serious with him anyway

[HollyK21]

But now things are serious because you’re in a relationship, so what happens next?

[Nikki1989]

Someone asking me that would be enough of a red flag to avoid that person totally. It is sad that "What's your Instagram?" is now a getting-to-know-you tactic.

[jamesgoldman]

Social media is how these young folk do everything and nothing all at once

[Asker]

After we became a couple, he asked for my Instagram account.

[Lesbologist]

I mean... you're guarding other options or at least their attention from this other guy that wants to remove that. Sure you consider that private, but that's what you want to keep private as well as move a relationship into "serious" teritory while you keep that private.

Simply put... I don't think you're ready for a monogamous relationship. You rely on that so much that you just can't give it up. It's private for you... and worth lying to keep.

I give him props because he's probably trying to figure out if you're actually serious or just trying to cut off his other options... and I think he's going to find out you're not serious. Extra props if he already has your stupid Instagram account saved in a bookmark and he's observing your actions.

[Asker]

It's normal for you to think that way because you're a guy. Most of you men think the same. I didn't give him my Instagram because I don't see anything serious with him—I'm just keeping it casual. If I had actually fallen in love with him, I would've given it to him, because I've done that before. Don't talk about things you know nothing about.

[Lesbologist]

I'm just a man, we all think the same, normal for us to think same. The deception gets deeper... you're just playing him because you don't see anything serious with him... okay... but he's not thinking that and neither was I now are we? Why? Because you're deceiving. Oh don't talk about it because I know nothing? right.

You sound like you make your own problems more than you find them. You give him title of boyfriend yet don't even take him serious. You're wasting everyone's time including yours. Probably just for some dick, but I know nothing because man... we all think alike, just stupid men... right?

[Asker]

Dude, stop overanalyzing everything.

I'm like this because he wasn't serious either. He told me himself how much of a player he used to be, and now he claims he's changed. I don't believe a man changes that easily.

So stop putting all the blame on me for a second and blame him too. And what kind of right does he think he has to ask a girl he just met for her **Instagram password**?

[Lesbologist]

After dealing with you minimally... I think the right to ask for your instagram password was his ticket out of being locked down by you. I mean who the fuck asks for that? That forces me to think up scenarios of why that would be a demand.

The only things I can come up with and proved by your deceit over it... your social media use isn't healthy at all. I wouldn't be surprised if he met you through it even. Why? Because he's obviously identified it as a problem. I identify it as a problem because you will lie for it. Liars are not good relationship material. That's why I think it's genius to make an ultimatum around it.

You couldn't find a normal problem like alchohol... fucking Instagram. Must be validation issues or some vain shit. You need the attention.

[Asker]

Bro, if we had met on Instagram, then obviously you'd already know my Instagram. What are you even yapping about? Looks like someone's still butthurt. 😹😹 Which queen did the same thing to you?

Come on, stop crying already. Guys like you deserve it. I treat people the way they deserve to be treated. I don't take any guy seriously, and I don't give any guy my Instagram account either. That's completely my choice. 👍👍

[Lesbologist]

I'm just making logical sense out of it... you take it as emotonal, try to pass it off as emotional and turn it into a me and you argument. You're lacking in ethics and already make no sense. The problem is you, and that's my conclusion... tell yourself I'm just crying. I don't care, not my problem, it's just simple maths of logic to me.

[Lesbologist]

thanks for the MHO...😂

[bear34]

You can state your own rules at the beginning of a new relationship. It isn't right to share social media passwords in a new relationship; it’s a sign of mistrust. We aren't children; we are adults. Instead of lying, make your boundaries clear to them.

[Asker]

I just didn’t want to deal with it, and I’m going to break up with him.

[bear34]

This is your choice. Do what you believe is right for yourself.

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to help you decode relationship behavior and spot red flags before they bite you, gorgeous 😉

You were NOT wrong at all. Huge red flag that after one week he’s demanding your Instagram AND password. That’s control, not love. Privacy isn’t cheating. Long-term male friends aren’t cheating. Him trying to police that is insecure and borderline lovebombing-then-control energy.

You did the right thing. Keep your boundaries.

[AviatorTom]

You lied, which is wrong.

You should have told him you have an Insta account, and explain why you want to keep it private.

[FunkyMonkee]

Only if you DO have one but, at the same time, if you ARE worried about or dealing with privacy issues, I can see why you wouldn't. But, if he's your boyfriend!!!

[Asker]

There are private things on my account, like conversations with my friends and personal chats with my family. That's why I don't share it—not because I'm planning to cheat on him with another guy.

[FunkyMonkee]

I completely understand.

[EmmaMary]

RED FLAG... It's time you found yourself a new boyfriend.

[Asker]

I think so too😹

[EmmaMary]

Well, there's your answer then... Good Luck. 🤞

[genericname85]

you gave the wrong answer. the answer should have been: "you're not getting the login to my instagram! are you crazy?"

[Asker]

Arguing exhausts me so much, so I don’t say it because he would start a fight. That’s just the kind of person he is

[genericname85]

well don't choose to be with that sort of person xD

[Staximus]

Any guy who asks for your password is a control freak, especially after a week. Get rid of this guy before he starts abusing you

[Staximus]

Yes you were wrong, you should have told him to fuck off into the sunset

[Asker]

I’m going to break up with him soon anyway.

[Staximus]

Just do it now before you change your mind

[ChicoFromThe305]

Only a week and already lying, I don't give this relationship very long lol

[ChicoFromThe305]

You don't have to give him your information by the way but lying will probably make you look ungenuine in general

[Asker]

I lied because I knew it wasn't going to last anyway.

[ChicoFromThe305]

🌚🌚🌚

[Asker]

😆😆😆

[bowenw]

He was wrong for asking for the password. Having said that, you shouldn't have to keep your account a secret from a boyfriend.

[jahaims]

Neither of you are mature enough for a healthy relationship

[Asker]

You don't have to be mature to be in a relationship, but I already think I'm mature. And you don't have to tell the other person everything

[Iron_Man]

You’re already boyfriend and girlfriend 7 days later? 😂

[Iron_Man]

One time this girl wanted to be my girlfriend after knowing her for five hours she works quickly

[Asker]

We’ve been dating for 2 weeks.

[Iron_Man]

That’s still early as far as that girl goes. I turned her down the next time we talked on the phone. and I introduced her to my friend.

[Iron_Man]

And Johans didn’t waste time with her lol 😳

[Asker]

You did the right thing.

[Iron_Man]

Yeah, I wasn’t really interested in her so I gave her to my friend and he took care of her, if you know what I mean, but that was a long time ago, and I don’t wanna approve that kind of stuff

[Iron_Man]

But I didn’t know they were gonna get together and do that stuff

[Asker]

If I were in your place, I would do the same thing. If a guy I just met wanted to date me and I had no interest in him, I would set him up with my friend too. I’ve actually done that before.

[Iron_Man]

Good we have something in common

[In_Trance]

You can never wonder where miscommunication stems from