How different was your first relationship from your most recent one?

Question

My first relationship feels almost like a different version of me compared to who I am now. I’ve learned a lot about who I am and what I need, and what I won’t accept. I think experience changes you more than you realize.

What was the biggest difference for you?

WhiteSteve · Accepted Answer

Ok, so this is a dead nuts accurate representation of my first serious girlfriend (minus the birthing history, lmao); she had a ton of family in Quincy (you’d have heard it as “KWIN-zee” from her), too😂😂😂 I laughed so hard out loud in the theater when I first saw that, but it wasn’t in the Boston area so I was the only one who got the inside reference to Quincy…isolating the laugh😅🤣 A ton of my less serious girlfriends were from there too, lmao; this scene hit home harder than any scene in cinematic history💀💀💀

https://www.youtube.com/embed/zf9UmB75smQ

So she was obviously a live wire, lmfao. A lot of good qualities: she was very loving and loyal, she was hot physically but had a “just one of the guys” personality, we both liked a lot of the same music, liked weed, liked raising hell.

Like she would want to ride around in the car at night and just egg random people, lmfao, or yell rude comments, and sometimes I’d have to be like “yo, CHILL.” She was kind of mean, in that regard, which didn’t always sit right with me. I was doing some dirt too, hahaha, but I had more of a conscience. I remember she pegged some jogger right in the boob with an egg, and I saw her double over in pain in the rearview, and I was like “ugh…. that doesn’t feel right.” But she loved it, lmao. Savage👹

We were in high school, by the way, just so we don’t seem like total scumbags. But we were definitely bad kids😂

And oh my lord, did she ever put the beats on a few gals in our time together. Like she gave out 3 of the Top 10 ass kickings I’ve ever witnessed live, and I’ve witnessed an almost-murder, lmao. I didn’t even see the one at her high school when she broke a bathroom mirror with some chick’s head. Like you did NOT want smoke with this girl. Just the worst kind of upbringing, and she was just raging out. She was at some affluent town’s high school, too; those preppies must’ve been terrified of her😂😂😂 Rolling up in hoop earrings and Timbs, Vaseline in her purse to put on her face if the shit jumps off, lmfao. Literally “Gangsta Bitch Barbie”😂 She loved Jolly Ranchers, lmao

https://www.youtube.com/embed/b3NiAMJqeoM

I think she chilled out when she got married and had a kid, so I’m glad. Even though we didn’t last, I feel like I was a bridge to a better, more stable place for her. But speaking of that…. that was a big part of why we split. She wanted to fast track all of that. I was like, “I’m not even done with college.” I think since she had a messed up family she was in a hurry to build her own. I met her husband, he was a good dude. So I like to think she’s doing well.

But it taught me a lot of what I don’t want. She was very jealous and suspicious (which was dangerous for some innocent girls who just said hi to me or something, because I’d always be talking her out of beating someone up). When I left for college and she stayed behind, she would tell me her crazy in-and-out-of-jail uncles were coming to my campus on spy missions to make sure I wasn’t hanging out with girls. It was really crazy. And I’m just trying to be a college freshman, you know?

Anyway, we survived long enough to get an off-campus apartment together. It lasted a year or so after that, and I think we had just kind of outgrown each other and wanted different things. It was sad but amicable. We stayed in touch for a little while, but last time we talked was over MySpace, so….🤷‍♂️😝 But she saw my lady via said MySpace (this was when we had first met) and she said she was really pretty and she was happy for me, etc. And her kid was starting school, she was still married, so all’s well that ends well, I guess.

But yeah, my main takeaways (700 words in, yikes; sorry🤦‍♂️😅😂) were: Jealousy — NEVER AGAIN; stand up for myself and my own needs, and don’t just fold because she’s yelling or crying; I don’t think I’m equipped to handle women with serious emotional baggage like hers; I put a premium on being drama-free; I was a pretty tough kid when I was 18…. she was WAY tougher than me in her women’s division though, and I’m not sure I like that, lmfao; related: maybe find a chick less likely to catch a felony🤔😂; and the “just one of the guys” thing had it’s moments, but I think I like a little more femininity in my partner. I bring enough bro energy to the table already, lmao.

My lady now, obviously you know her deal and she’s pretty laid up, but when more functional, she’s much closer to my ideal. She’s way feistier than I’d pick, lmao, but it’s endearing. NYC chick, she’s full of fire. Jealousy levels are much lower, so that’s huge. We can have some blowouts because we’re both a little stubborn, but we always find a compromise or a reasonable, well-argued-for concession. But we rarely fight.

She’s from the trenches in Washington Heights, so she can fight, but I’ve never seen her do it (this mattered more in our 20s; I don’t think we’ll out getting in street fights in our 40s, lmao) That was a nice change, haha. She’s usually the one wrangling me away from altercations, when I was younger, anyway😝 We’d be an ok tag team duo, but the girl from my teenage years, we were ‘97 Bonnie & Clyde, lmao. The emotional baggage is existent but much lower with the new gal, and she’s actually channeled it into self-improvement. I’m really proud of the woman she’s become over the years. And she’s very much a girly-girl, which I think complements my dude-energy.

All in all, the first one paved the way for the last one, and helped me know what she should be like (and not be like, haha).

No losses; only lessons👍

NathanDavis · Accepted Answer

the biggest difference between my first relationship and the last one... that was me

I was just a teen, no experience whatsoever with dating, or messing around... lol, none of that... and not only that, I was also afraid of, let's say intimacy, and I mean the kind of intimacy in which you open up to someone else with all of our being, your mind, your feels and more, I wasn't keen on that at all

but I had been working on that for years, although I was very young... just 16 years old, I had been working out on all of my shortcomings for many years already, and most of it got better... good enough, to the point in which I could just jump into all of that, and so I did... with her, my high-school girlfriend, and she wasn't doing much better either, in some ways she was a messed up as me or perhaps worse, lol... truth be told, we weren't doing so bad, it wasn't extreme but you know... the age, it really felt like it

getting INTO a relationship in the first place, that was the most difficult part for me, lol... and as I've posted around here a few times now, my first girlfriend, first kiss and "first time" they all happened at pretty much the same time, with her... everything after that was way more smooth

we were in the same school, same classes, together for half the day, every day... we had a mutual circle of friends in common + other friends of our own too, we were very good friends first too, so... the foundation, the base of a relationship was that, it was solid, it was great... but the drive of the relationship though, that was the GREAT chemistry and affinity that we had but also we have NEED to bond with someone else, because we didn't feel completely by ourselves, so... we also had a very "codependent" relationship, as in... "I need you in my life to be okay because I won't be okay on my own" and so that could have been a little bit intense and maybe dramatic however, it did not... it went very well, we grew up together in many ways and almost in every way... we adjusted well too, lmao

it was all kinds of teenage fun, it was lovey-dovey too... and perhaps, the most important thing I learned from my first relationship was that, I can be okay, I can really be with someone and I can belong with someone, I can trust someone, I can be vulnerable with someone, I can have a "we belong together" like in that one song, lmao.

sage2021 · Accepted Answer

My first real boyfriend girlfriend relationship started when I was 16 in high school and he was 19 and in college.

The entire time we fought like cats and dogs. 😺 🐕 I think that happened mostly because he was stoned every day. It was in the very early 70's. Plus he didn't have a very good sense of humor.

My very last relationship with my Patrick was totally the opposite. We joked around, laughed, and played every single day. We would slow dance in the living room too.

We had so much fun together. We bought a Frisbee and would go out in the courtyard of the apartment building at 2:30 in the morning and play Frisbee in my 60's. We always had a blast together.

He called me Rapunzel because I lived upstairs and had a big balcony and he lived downstairs and every morning he would go outside of my bedroom and holler "Rapunzel, wake up my love". So I would go to my balcony and flip my long hair over the balcony and yell for him to climb up and see me my love.

RIP My Funny Valentine Patrick❤️

DeeDeeDeVour · Accepted Answer

In my first relationship, both of us were just "beginners" and "rookies" and virgins.

We both tried to make the most of what we newly learned along the way.

We eventually parted ways but remained friends.

No regrets, mutually.

The guy that followed later also returned as my 4th, 6th and last boyfriend before we finally tied the knot.

He's the best "2nd boyfriend" and "4th boyfriend" and "6th boyfriend" and "8th boyfriend" a gal like me could ever have.

In other words, he's been my best ever boyfriend.

I'd be fool not to marry him.

Now, he's the husband I've always dreamed of.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

My aim on GAG is to turn all this messy love stuff into something that actually makes sense… and maybe make you blush a little along the way 😏

My first relationship was pure chaos: lovebombing, zero boundaries, constant anxiety, and me ignoring every red flag because “but I love them.”
My most recent one? Calm. Safe. Communicative. Less drama, more honesty, no ghosting games, and real emotional intimacy.

Biggest difference: I stopped chasing intensity and started choosing consistency. That’s when love actually started to feel like home instead of a roller coaster.

AviatorTom · Answer

I was much younger then, and naive.

lilBigPotato · Answer

My first is almost not worth calling a relationship. Just me being young, naive and stupid, crushing on a guy who wasn't serious about it and moved on once he got what he wanted and got bored of me after a few weeks.

Last one was good but just didn't work out for various reasons.

lightbulb27 · Answer

I was young, we were only 10, or maybe 8. She was taller than me. It didn't last past the awkward dance.  I hope she did well in life, hi Nancy!

queenofcardio · Answer

I was young and my expectations weren't realistic. I wasn't sure about a lot of things. Now that I'm older, I know what I'm looking for and I can communicate it easily.

Nikki1989 · Answer

They are completely different. My first relationship with a man taught me everything that is wrong with some men and it was a big wake-up call.

Anonymous · Answer

My first: married; American; 18 years old; 7 years younger than me; has a daughter; was cheating on her hubby.
My present: never been married and wants to marry me; lives in England; 34 years old, 35 years younger than me, has no kids, yet; still single.

Anonymous · Answer

Only one relationship, was sweet later turned violent

Paige2006 · Answer

Completly different. Todays version has matured and I am much more confident.

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