What’s the worst thing you did when bullying and jealousy took over?

[Anonymous]

When I was much younger I was bullied constantly for being the odd one out and because of that I was constantly excluded all the time. Joining a group of girls thinking they’ll accept me is foolish thinking. Due to the constant bullying, constantly being told I didn’t belong made me full of vengeance. I believed everyone is evil so I tell myself if I do the same to them I’ll put them in their place. Then I had a crush on a boy in high school. Let’s call him CT. He may not be the most attractive guy but I would say he’s the 3rd most attractive guy. For some reason he was my type. The thing is instead of liking me back he fell for the tallest girl in class. I was shocked & couldn’t accept it one bit. Somehow I find it strange shouldn’t he be falling for a pretty girl instead why the tallest? Then I started comparing myself to her. I hated her even more because she always had the highest grades when it came to Math & Science. So I became extremely competitive, her other subjects weren’t her forte which made me feel better. There was once when she cried literal tears because she couldn’t get an A grade. Instead of feeling bad for her deep inside me I was enjoying her suffering. Then I decided to frame her when opportunity strikes. There was a boy who is extremely mischievous in my class banged her hard on purpose for her which she reacted in pain. I asked “whoa does it actually hurt?” She got furious & raised her hand about to strike me I reacted with “wow” in a sarcastic manner. My ex crush decided to settle the score with that boy which shocked me. Seeing her happy because he cared for her had me fuming mad instead because my goal was to get her kicked outta school so I won’t have a rival. He hated me even more because he knew I hated her. Fast forward to when I was 20 I snooped on his Instagram account unsurprisingly he followed her so I engaged in cyber bullying him for 14 days but for her I only sent one insulting message to her. My hatred for him was stronger…

Updates

7 d

Again I’m ashamed of what I did in the past. As an adult now I realised not everyone is out to get me. I hated how I was like that. At the end of the day we all make mistakes, even reckless unforgivable ones. (Putting it as anonymous because I don’t wanna risk people cyberbullying me)

[Veronika_p]

I think the most disturbing part is not that you felt jealous. It is how deeply the original bullying changed the way you started seeing other people. You went from being the person who felt excluded and hurt to believing that hurting someone else would somehow give you back control.

And I can understand why CT rejecting you for someone you were already comparing yourself to made everything worse. It probably felt like confirmation of every insecurity you had been carrying. But the part where you wanted her kicked out of school shows how far the resentment had gone.

What stands out to me, though, is that years later you were still cyberbullying CT. That tells me the issue probably was never really about him choosing her. He had become a symbol of rejection, humiliation, and everything you felt you had been denied when you were younger.

The fact that you can tell this story now and recognize how ugly your behavior became is actually significant. It does not excuse what happened, especially toward the girl, but self awareness is where people finally start breaking those cycles.

Sometimes the person we are most angry with is not actually the person who hurt us the most. They are just the person who happened to touch the oldest wound.

[Vesuvius87]

There is nothing I can't think about. I was bullied during my younger school years (from grades 4th to 7th) but made a couple friends in HS.

[OneViewpoint]

Damn, women can be downright nasty to each other. That is the behavior of a sociopath. I've never been the jealous type. And bullying never made any sense to me. No appeal at all.

But, I was bounced around to 7 schools K-12. I got really good at dealing with bullies as the perpetual "new kid". I beat the leader of one group with a bike chain and padlock while his buddies stood there in shock. 8 of them and one of me. I needed to make an impression. I did. Not one of his 7 friends made any move to help him or stop me. It was violence like they'd never seen. We established an understanding that day.

[Asker]

Again I know what I did was wrong but the fact I chose to take it all out on him for 14 days compared to me getting her kicked outta school is way worse. I hated him to the max… I personally believe people can change for the better. Anyways we all make mistakes

[jahaims]

I used to get jumped like 2-3 days a week walking home from school. One day I was carrying something i made for my mom for mother's day. They broke it. It was a small potted plant. I smashed what was left of the pot over the kids head then drug him out in the street so he would get ran over.

[Anonymous]

I lost weight, started exercising and eating right.
I now thankful for my bullies and acknowledge they had the moral authority to shame me for how I was living.

[Nikki1989]

I have never bullied anyone or felt jealousy about anything or anyone.

[Anonymous]

Never bullied anyone

[Anonymous]

Go seek therapy

[Asker]

I did talked to my psychiatrist about it last month but the guilt is still there.

[Opinion Owner]

That's something you'll have to work out on your own and with your therapist which will take time