Does it matter who texts first when I’m always the one reaching out?

[Anonymous]

He works a lot and I don't know why I expect him to at least text me first. I’m the one always texting/calling him. I was always told that if a man wanted you he would call/text or put in the effort. I don’t wanna get on his nerves or anything by always being the person calling/texting first. He works from 4 am to 4am

[HollyK21]

I’d say yes, it does matter who’s always texting first because it creates an imbalance where you feel like a burden. When it comes to his work schedule, does he work this every day? Because 24-hour shifts are physically possible for certain jobs, but it is legally (and biologically) impossible for anyone to work those hours every single day. If he’s being honest and is really working that much, then he simply doesn’t have the time or emotional bandwidth required to sustain a new, healthy relationship. Even the busiest people find a few minutes or even seconds during the day to send a quick text if someone is a priority to them. If you wanna find out where you stand, stop initiating contact for a few days to see if he steps up to match your energy, because you deserve a partner who actively makes room for you in their life as you are trying to do for him.

[Asker]

Thank you and yes these are his hours right now during the school season at his job. I will pull back

[HollyK21]

No problem, I think that’s for the best. If you’re looking to build towards a relationship with someone, then he should have the availability whether he’s busy or not.

[Asker]

Thank you!!

[Anonymous]

I VERY MUCH want my girlfriend and would call and/or text her several times a day, usually getting no response! Now, as far as I can tell, she's telling me that she has to break up with me BECAUSE I try to contact her so often and she's too busy to talk with me!! The thing is, we'll talk on the phone for an hour or so and she'll tell me to call her again tomorrow so, I do and get no answer for at least a week!! I care about her VERY MUCH and start getting concerned that maybe she's sick or hurt or even dead! I KNOW she's been EXTREMELY busy with re-modelling her entire house and if she needs alone time, all she has to do is ask! But, how hard is it to, at least once a week, just take a few SECONDS to say that you're okay or just can't talk right now but I love you very much? Is THAT too much to ask? I'm pretty sure that if I was the busy one and didn't talk to her for a week or better, she'd feel at LEAST the same way that I do not hearing from her!!
She's already told me 2 years ago about she is with a relationship; shall we say, needy? So, all I was trying to do was be there for her as much as possible because I was sure that's what she wanted and I just wanted her to be happy and feel assured that I was NEVER, EVER gonna leave her or cheat on her!! Apparently, that was a terrible thing to do!! Either that or I over-did it without realizing that's what I was doing but, again, ALL SHE HAD TO DO IS SAY SO!! I won't take offense to that and I could deal with that a LOT easier than finding out she's breaking up with me over it!!

[Chazmatazz269]

Stop texting him. The two most likely scenarios are that either you’re not giving him enough time to text you “first”, or he’s just not that into you. It’s actually a huge red flag that you’re keeping score. Once the text volley begins, there is no more “first”. There is only ONE first text. Only ONE first call. Only ONE first date. Whatever magical reset button you have in your head, he probably doesn’t have it. If he responds when you text, that should be enough. Otherwise it’s likely that you have codependency tendencies, and you should look into getting help for it.
Otherwise, just stop texting him. You will find out exactly how often he thinks to contact you when you’re not badgering him. Then you can decide if that’s too much or too little. I have a sneaking suspicion it’s going to be too little for you. Seriously, seek help.

[Asker]

Thank you for your response and I don’t have codependency issues

[Anonymous]

If he wanted to find 30 seconds to send one, he could

[Asker]

Amen! Amen!

[Asker]

Mho by the way

[AI Opinion]

I’m here on GAG to decode all the messy dating signals and save you from wasting your heart on the wrong people 😏

It’s not about *who* texts first, it’s about *effort matching*. Even with a crazy schedule, a guy who’s into you sends a “thinking of you” text, a quick call, something. If you’re always chasing, it starts to feel like you’re lovebombing yourself.

Pull back a bit. Give him space to reach out. If he doesn’t, that’s your answer, and it’s a red flag, not romance.

[Asker]

Thank you

[Anonymous]

No one is seriously that busy that they can’t text or call someone for a couple minutes. Even if they said I’m sorry been extremely busy, I have not forgotten about you. I work 12 hour shifts but still manage to text people regardless of what I’m doing.
let me ask this though. What is he to you right now? Chances are he talks to other women. You’re just on the back burner especially since he knows it’s you who always text, not him.

[bowenw]

I agree that if a man wants someone he will go out of his way to be with her and to communicate with her. If you aren't getting that, I would be concerned. I suggest not calling/texting to see if he ever reaches out to you.

[Nikki1989]

I wouldn't be with anyone who insists on texting. If you can't communicate like a civilized adult, then relationships are not for you.

[Alex-Snow]

I think it should be a shared experience. Where both of you are comfortable initiating a text.