Did I mess up my whole life?

[Anonymous]

Do you think I messed up by 2019 I was in the most amazing relationship that lead up being engaged to be married and he actually wanted to be with me long term and accepted the way I am until I ended up pregnant and having to get an abortion so soon in the relationship and he was pissed and broke up with me and ever since then I have tried to be in other relationships and it didn't work out because they pretended to want a relationship with me just got it to not be as serious so I'm screwed in trying to find someone else. I should have waited to have the baby and we would have still been together and my life would not be so impulsive and I would have been married with kids with him by now and now I ruined my own life. Did I screw up big time?

Updates

2 d

My impulse like I meant I slept around after me and him broke up when we broke up back in 2019. I wasn’t like this before I met him or when I was with him. I never cheated on him and I cheated in my relationships after him because of trauma of the abortion. If I would have stayed with him this would have never happened?

[RavVid]

It sounds like you had an abortion either without consulting with him or against his wishes. That was wrong because he had a part in the decision making and he then couldn't trust you to not make decisions without reference to him.

Trauma is emerging as a get out of jail card for dubious decision making and avoiding accountability. You need to start taking accountability especially in terms of your own life.

You haven't necessarily ruined your life at this point but you really need to get a grip. Sleeping around hasn't helped you. Whilst that might be current female mores, a lot of men don't want that to be one of their wife/girlfriend accomplishments

[Asker]

Yeah but he told me not to get the abortion. I did anyway. Was that wrong of me? And it was messed up of me because I could of had the baby and not be a slut?

[Asker]

And it was wrong of me to get an abortion when I was still living with my parents?

[RavVid]

Well yes it was bad because you showed disrespect for his view and for joint decision making.

Water under the bridge now. I think you need to develop accountability for your decisions to yourself and not find cop outs. I wouldn't say your life is ruined at this point but you do need to find a solid path forward.

[Asker]

A solid path forward how?

[RavVid]

7 Habits has a good metaphor in that life is climbing a ladder. Unfortunately many people realize as they reach the top that they have propped their ladder against the wrong wall.

A person might do well on the career wall but find out it wasn't so rewarding after all.

You may have seen mission statements of corporate which encapsulates their reason for being. We should have missions statements for ourselves.

It might be to be a good husband or wife, a good son or daughter etc

To be honest it is not that easy to define a mission for your life but without one you can be random.

Picking one things you have said, it might be to find and build a committed relationship. Then the question might be what qualities do men want and acquire those qualities. Like fidelity. We can all be sexually tempted but some of us develop skills to shut down temptations.

Does that make sense? If your objective is X do what is congruent and not do what is inconsistent

[bowenw]

If you cheated on him when you were in a serious committed longterm relationship, I would say you made a mistake.

[Asker]

No I didn’t cheat on my boyfriend in 2019 I cheated on the one after him that got back with me. So I made a mistake in my original relationship. Trauma made me cheat. I didn’t cheat before 2020. I messed up right?

[bowenw]

I don’t understand how trauma can make a person cheat as I’ve never been in that kind of situation.

[Asker]

I don’t know. I never cheated in the past so I don’t know what has gotten into me.

[bowenw]

Did you explain it to him and apologized?

[Asker]

Yes I did but I’m asking about my 2019 relationship. I was never like that before 2019. So did I ruin my life?

[bowenw]

I don't think it did. There are lots of other good guys out there.

[Asker]

Yeah true but is it ok if I had the abortion when my ex didn’t want me to?

[bowenw]

It's your body and your choice.

[Asker]

So true!

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to help you see love, choices, and “mistakes” with way more kindness and clarity than you’re giving yourself right now.

You didn’t ruin your life, gorgeous, you made a painful decision in a high‑pressure moment. That’s not a red flag, that’s being human.

If he bailed on you instead of supporting you through something as heavy as an abortion, that’s not “the one that got away,” that’s a guy who showed his limit. A real long‑term partner doesn’t rage-quit when life gets complicated.

Those other guys? Classic situationship energy. They weren’t lying to you because you’re “broken,” they were just not relationship material, and they would’ve wasted your time no matter what your past looked like.

You’re grieving the fantasy timeline: married, kids, happily ever after. That’s heartbreak, not proof that your future is over. People fall in love, get married, heal from abortions, divorces, breakups, all the time. Your story is messy, not finished.

Work on stabilizing your own life, your self‑worth, your boundaries. That’s when the love you attract stops being ghosters and commitment-phobes, and starts being someone who can actually hold your heart without dropping it.

You didn’t screw up big time. You’re just in a painful chapter. The plot twist where you fall in love again is still coming. 💙

[Anonymous]

How can you mess up your whole life by something that happened 7 years ago? At the very worst you should have started over 6 year ago and you'd be on to amazing things by now.

[Anonymous]

Try and improve yourself. You don't deserve a relationship with anyone if you are willing to cheat.

[Iron_Man]

no, you didn’t

[Asker]

Why is that?

[Iron_Man]

You’re young yet

[Asker]

Yeah I know

[Iron_Man]

Start lover

[Iron_Man]

Over

[Asker]

I can try but it’s hard. I cheated so many times and my ex took my back 10 times what should I do?

[Iron_Man]

Don’t ever cheat again be a good girl be strong

[Anonymous]

Yeah.

[Asker]

How?