Could my boyfriend still have unresolved feelings for his ex?

[itsnaoxornever]

they broke up six months before we met. they were together for three years. he told me he doesn't talk to her anymore, but lately they have been texting frequently. he even hung up on me a few days ago to answer her call, and last night he asked me if she can hang out with us.

they broke up because she cheated on him, and she's still with that guy. but he still says things like "she's with the guy that took her away from me." he also talks a lot about how he regrets how he treated her when they were together. it just feels like there's some unresolved feelings. when i brought it up to my boyfriend he said i must be projecting. he swears he doesn't like her. i told him he can't control how he feels, and if he has feelings for her still, just tell me. he got upset and doubled down. maybe i'm overthinking it but something about this is bothering me.

[loveslongnails]

Do you have a thing against capitalization? LOL

"he even hung up on me a few days ago to answer her call, and last night he asked me if she can hang out with us."

Let me guess... he's 18, 19? That alone is a horrible red flag, but not surprising for an immature boy. Of course he still has feelings for his ex, that's why he reacts so vehemently when questioned about it.

Will they pass, or will they linger? Do you want to be someone's rebound? Right now, you are, regardless of what he says.

[itsnaoxornever]

he is 27

[loveslongnails]

That makes it even worse!!! He's 27 and you're 18 which might normally be a bit disconcerting. However, my guess, based on the info you've given, is that he has the emotional IQ of a 21 year old boy so you're compatibly close to one another in that regard.

Regardless of that, he's a 27 yr old man asking his 18 yr old girlfriend if his EX can hang with you, and thinks that's really ok and doesn't say shit about his mental or emotional state. You could, or should do better, unless may you think you can't?

[itsnaoxornever]

i do love him, unfortunately. and i have a thing for older guys so that's on me. in all honesty, i know i could find someone who is objectively better, but he's also my best friend and i can't imagine living without him. however, the thought of being a rebound does make me wanna puke. that sounds so pathetic

[loveslongnails]

You just offered a bunch of emotionally driven justifications for accepting behaviors neither like nor trust. I don't know you personally, so I don't know if you're just rationalizing or projecting your own love and friendship and thinking it's coming back to you. I don't know. What I DO know is you can live without him, whether you can visualize it or not.

I sincerely wish you the best outcome and that you employ both heart and mind to get there.

[Viola_456]

It definetly seems like he has some feelings there. Saying he doesn't like her is really stupid since he was dating her 6 months ago.

I may not be right but i would not be with him as long as he doesn't stop contacting her. I have a feeling you might be just an second choice and he will go back to her.

Again, I dont know you and might be wrong but you should think about it

[itsnaoxornever]

at this point it's been a year since they had broken up, but it had only been six months at the time that we'd met

[Viola_456]

Sorry I got it a bit wrong but anyway that probably makes it even worse 😅

[itsnaoxornever]

HELP 😭😭

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to help you decode messy relationship behavior and protect your heart, gorgeous 💋

You’re not overthinking. Huge red flags here: frequent texting, hanging up on you for her, wanting her to “hang out with you both,” dramatic lines like “the guy that took her away from me,” plus regret-talk about their past.

That’s emotional unfinished business. Him calling it “projecting” is gaslighting-lite. You’re not his therapist or backup plan. Set a clear boundary: this dynamic hurts you and isn’t acceptable. If he defends her more than he protects you, that’s your answer.

[AviatorTom]

Of course. We guys never completely lose feelings for our partners.

But don't worry about it. We guys have much stronger feelings for who we are with now, and that's you.

[ChicoFromThe305]

I do think so, it sounds like it, usually when someone is over their ex the topic never really comes up. The fact that his ex keeps coming up in different situations and has basically become a part of your relationship shows attachment, weither he's in denial about it or not. He's letting his feelings for her get too in the way of his current relationship, to then deny any feelings doesn't make sense. It has become a red flag when he chose to hang up on you to answer to her.

[NathanDavis]

I was friends with my ex... and I never did anything remotely close to this

I'd never prioritize my ex over my girlfriend, and definitely would not get her upset by having the ex in the middle

even if he's "over her" she's still causing friction between the two of you, and THAT, is a definitely a problem

[lilBigPotato]

I think you can stay friends and in contact with exes even if you get into a new relationship, but reading this is ringing some alarm bells. Sounds like he didn't fully move on yet.

[slatyb]

You know the answer. He's not over her. Stop wasting your time with him. He's not ready to date. by the way, how old is he?

[itsnaoxornever]

he's 27

[slatyb]

How did you meet? Let me guess, he hit on you. This guy is bad news. End this, date someone closer to your age. The guys who are 25 or older hitting on teenagers are immature. The women closer to their age won't date them, so they hit on women like yourself too young to see it.

[itsnaoxornever]

i always date older, which is honestly something i need to unpack and work on. we were just friends at first because we like similar video games so we'd play each other. but he was the one who came on to me and confessed, so yeah

im not blind or anything, im aware of his issues. he's abnormally insecure, alongside immature. i've tried to leave him before, but he's also my best friend. i couldn't do it. i couldn't stand to see him so hurt, and he's also the first person i've ever been in love with. this ex thing is driving me nuts though, he claims he would never think of dating her again but i'm not convinced

[Nikki1989]

Probably. Many men are hopeless at letting go.

[WhitneySnow]

He definitely has unresolved feelings for her!!!

[Anonymous]

It's possible. Feelings dont go away on demand.

[Anonymous]

Certainly sounds like he does. You're not imagining it.

[dudeinohio]

He's not over her. Serious red flag. He needs to drop all communication with her.

[MrChinaski]

Long-term relationships never really end.

[RedInnocent69]

Probably. It’s pretty common.

[In_Trance]

How old is he?

[itsnaoxornever]

he is 27

[832loverboy73]

Perhaps.

[Paige2006]

Yes he could

[Pterodon]

You’re a rebound