Made a VERY stupid comment to my girlfriend, how do I get her to forgive me?

[Anonymous]

Let me start off by saying I love my girlfriend, and I love her for who she is. Anyway this happened yesterday after we had lunch with a few of my friends. The group included a friend of mine who is beautiful, she's armenian and she was telling us how she was still a virgin and would never have sex with a guy she didn't love, much less have a ONS. Needless to say my girlfriend has done a few stupid things in the past that I've forgiven. During lunch I praised her for her discipline and told her she was a rare gem that would make a man very happy one day. Apparently my girlfriend didn't like that very much and when we were driving home in the car she acted like a child and started insulting my friend saying she was probably a slut and that se was a stuck up bitch. I got really annoyed and that's when I f***ed up. It was in the heat of the moment but I told her," you're just jealous she can give a guy like me what you never can." she was really hurt, she started crying in the car and I was like "wtf act like an adult and stop crying." So I dropped her off and Haven't talked to her since then. She was my first and I was her third or something, I don't like to talk about her past. I could use some advice on how to apologize, I honestly don't know what to tell her, so please any advice would be greatly appreciated!

[samhradh_leannan]

It's understandable that she was so upset by what you said. When you are in a relationship with someone, what they think of you matters a lot, and you made her feel insufficient and undesirable compared to this other girl. When she reacted out of hurt and jealousy, you added insult to injury by comparing the two of them directly and bluntly criticizing her past. You poked doubt at her very worth as a person. Regardless of her past, you chose to enter a relationship with her, and if you want to be happy together, you cannot be resentful or judgmental about her history. At this point, it is moot- you are either in or out, and if you're in, the fact that she couldn't offer you her virginity cannot be important to you.

If you want to try to work things out, you will have to go into major apology mode. Flowers, tears, the whole nine yards. You need to acknowledge to her that your behavior, starting with the first comments you made during lunch, was out of line. But in addition to apologizing for the hurt you've caused, you also need to reassure her that you respect her and accept her the way she is. Since there is no real excuse for what you did, it may be hard for her to trust that you really do accept her as she is. You will just have to try your best.

[Asker]

I had no idea that complimenting my friend would make her feel bad. But now that I think about it, I can see why she might have been jealous. But I don't see why she couldn't have just told me that she was jealous instead of insulting my friend. And you're right I opologized already.

[samhradh_leannan]

The heart of the issue is the fact that you were complimenting a trait that your girlfriend lacks. You made it clear that you have a GREAT appreciation for this thing she couldn't offer, and that naturally made her feel bad. She could have reacted more maturely, but her behavior was not comparable to yours.

[Anonymous]

oh wow o_0

you didn't just make "stupid mistake" you made a serious relationship ending type mistake. :\

if you really do love her then all I can say is good luck and all you can do is hope that she's a forgiving person who also says horrible things to the person they love in the heated moment of a fight because that stuff was harsh. Yeah she shouldn't have said that stuff about your friend but man you should have played it cool. why did you get so defensive? are you sure you don't have feelings for this friend that bubbled up in this fight? or maybe you aren't feeling insecure that you aren't your gf's one and only guy she's ever slept with?

things to really think about here...

[Asker]

Actually, I do have a thing for her, I hope my girlfriend didn't notice that. And I'm not insecure at all about my gf's past, I just said the first thing that came to mind.

[Opinion Owner]

oh you defending her tipped it off to me I"m sure that didn't escape her notice. That's a biiiiig nono with girls, never take another girls side over your woman even if she's wrong

[Anonymous]

honestly, I would have been more understanding from the get go. if her sexual past is a touchy subject between the two of you, maybe other peoples (especially other girls') sexual pasts/ habits aren't something you should discuss in front of her for a while. she clearly feels bad about whatever is in her past, or she wouldn't have gotten so jealous and defensive about your friend. I'm sure it hurt her that you condemn her for her past, yet praise the girl that you don't love. you're right... she probably shouldn't have been acting so childish. but I have a feeling that her past, and how you feel about it is something that weighs on her pretty heavily.

if you really love and care about this girl, you will realize that the past is the past. you will be glad that she is with you now, and that should be all that matters. my boyfriend has been with 26 girls before me. I could dwell on that, and wonder if he loves any of them, or if any of them are better than me... but I don't. he loves ME not them. if he wanted one of them, he would have stayed with her. I hope that's how you feel about your girlfriend. and if you do... well that's how you need to apologize. talk to her and let her know that her past isn't what's important. and once you do that... act on it. show her that you love her for every part of her. I know its hard to be patient when someone is acting immature like that, but just try to consider her feelings next time. I'm sure her confidence will grow, and it will strengthen your relationship.

[Opinion Owner]

i just read that you have a thing for this other girl:( I was really hoping you would be the good guy here. but that's a huge red flag for me. you sided with a girl you like over your girlfriends feelings. she's really going to get hurt. please just break up with her while you're ahead. this just breaks my heart.

[vmw2008]

Wow, that was really messed up. 3 people does not a slut make (in my opinion) and you sure made her feel like one. I'm sure you've already realized that you should never praise another woman for something your girlfriend doesn't have, especially not in front of your girlfriend.

All I can say is you need to apologize hard. If my boyfriend ever said something like that to me I'd have probably broken up with him before I got out of the car. How would you have felt if she were praising one of her guy friends for his sexual expertise in bed and then told you in the car that he could give her something you never could because you were a virgin? Crushed! Never ever abuse your partner for sexual history. If you've chosen to date them, then you've chosen to let that stuff go. You need to be calling, showing up on her doorstep with flowers, anything you can.

[Asker]

Well I'm very confident in my skills, I can make her squirt. And I'm not mad at her past, I just wanted to defend my friend from the sh*t my girlfriend was talking. And yes I already opologized to her, and I made her opologize for insulting my friend.

[Ashley8282]

"And yes I already opologized to her, and I made her opologize for insulting my friend" <-- I wish you were my boyfriend!

[toulouse]

@Needless to say my girlfriend has done a few stupid things in the past that I've forgiven.

FORGIVEN? its her past, not yours, its not yours to forgive. you leave that behind when you decide to be her boyfriend. you didn't leave it behind, you threw it back in her face, every day by thinking its your place to forgive it. not that there is actually anything to forgive. sex is a right, not a misdemeanor,.

youee an ass before you said anything to or about the armenian girl. but then she's sort of an idiot for taking her anger out on some girl, when you're the one being a twat.

you are clearly still bothered she can't be a virgin for u. and by the way adults cry. you need to grow up before you can be a proper boyfriend, imo.

[Asker]

Well when you get into a relationship with someone their past also becomes a part of you.

[naturaldisaster]

Why would you say such a thing even? That is just horrible! She was jealous because of the things you told her, she wanted you to say these things to her not some girl who is your friend! That is just wrong! Next time please be careful what you say, she is probably still hurt, but she might not forgive you for what you said. Words hurt, especially from a loved one. Girls are sensitive, even if she did have a bad past. People make mistakes you just need to learn to forgive and forget and to never compare them with other people.

[Asker]

Yeah I wasn't comparing them I just really respect my friend for being so hot yet disciplined. And I love my girlfriend, I can't believe she would talk so much sh*t about My friend behind her back.

[Anonymous]

You serious? She's only had sex with two other people besides you and your only 2 people behind her. Your a jerk. Three people is NOTHING esp given your age category. I think you/your making way to big a deal about your girlfriends past. My current boyfriend is 25 and has been with over 15 girls! (hes in his 8th year of univ) and I'm his longest relationship of 2 years. If her past is such as big deal why are you with her?! If you have such a deal about her sleeping with 2 other people why would you even date her...

And you started this whole thing. This is on you. She only acted that way as a reaction to your insensitive comments.

[Asker]

I don't have a problem with her past. I was just pissed that she was insulting my friend for no reason. And I didn't start it, she was ripping my friend for no reason at all.

[Opinion Owner]

You idiot. She was ripping on your friend because you made a d*** comment. And the first thing the came to mind came there for a reason. And if you have a thing for this other girl why are you with your current girlfriend and not her?

[Opinion Owner]

Anyways I hope you did damage control with your girlfriend and show her that your sorry. That's all that you can do and than the ball is in her court. It was insensitive and I hope you both move past it.

[lamegirl]

If I were her, I would dump your ass, I wouldn't be surprised if she never speaks to you again.

[Asker]

Thats harsh bro