Being a virgin/inexperienced at 20, is this a turnoff?

[djpandy1]

So I'm 20 years old, going to be a junior in college, and the most I've ever done is make out with a guy (and that was super awkward...)

I'm becoming increasingly insecure about this, because everyone I know has done it, and are currently in the "Bring home a different guy every night" stage. And I know this isn't/wasn't the answer, but I've taken to lying about my inexperience.

And I know I'm being very dramatic, but I feel really pathetic. Like, really pathetic. I just wanted to lose it to someone I really liked, and that person has yet to come along. (Granted, none of my friends have anything close to boyfriends). Guys aren't exactly beating down my door to get with me, or even really talk to me :/

But I'm at the point where I've gotten so insecure about it, that I think I'm just going to lose it to a random guy. I don't want to feel like a child anymore. I don't want to have to make sh*t up when the inevitable "what did you do last night" talk comes up with my friends.

Even if I found some guy tomorrow, I probably wouldn't tell him that I'm essentially a 13 year old girl because I feel like it is ultimately a big turn-off, and there are no longer guys who are willing to work with me on that.

Is this a huge turn-off?

[Freetobe007]

Virginity can be a huge turn on if you are highly sexually skilled. Especially as a lady who is over the age of 18!

I don't think you should feel pathetic as long as you know that you are capable of bringing a guy home. Really and truly, it is not difficult to bring a guy home. Not that I know from experience! lol But I have seen some very unattractive, out of shape, flabby girls bring guys home. Partly because, they have so much confidence and charm that guys don't care if they're not the hottest girl. As well as the fact that a lot of guys are controlled by their d*ck and may screw a girl that's not even all that attractive just for the sake of getting some p*ssy. Or it may be a combination of both. Not only that, but achieving getting a guy home is not some huge prize lol Getting a guy to choose to give up his singledom so that he can be with you is something to be way more proud of and aspire to accomplish more than getting a guy in your bed.

Lose it to a random guy and you will probably regret it and feel dirty afterward. I don't know how many stories I've heard about girls losing their virginity to guys who didn't give two sh*ts about them then they felt terrible afterward. What is wrong here is your perception. Lol, you're being so dramatic and you really need to chill.

Virginity can be highly erotic and attractive if you are skilled and charming enough to make it that way. If you choose to be an inexperienced, awkward, self concious virgin who lacks confidence and self worth and belittles yourself for not having sex; then yeah, guys may be turned off. But not because of your virginity.

[Freetobe007]

I've seen many girls who can get a guy to go home with them and sleep with them, yet they can't get the guy to give them the pleasure of being their girlfriend. And it eats away at their confidence and self worth that guys will sleep with them, but they won't give their gifts to them in a relationship. For example, many girls who participate in friends with benefits and feel awful when the guy doesn't want more. One of my closest friends isn't a virgin and she said she envies virgins because she

[Freetobe007]

although she can get guys to sleep with her and come back for more, they never want to just cuddle with her or take her out on real dates or put in extra work to make her happy. It's just about her vagina and that punctures her self esteem. So getting a penis in you isn't the end all be all.

[Anonymous]

No it's not a turn-off. If it is then that guy is a douche bag. I just recently lost my virginity last week and I'm about to be 21 in two days. The guy was older than me and way more experienced. I didn't tell him I was a virgin but he basically knew. It was basically my first time touching a penis, first time stroking it and I even gave him a bj twice. And we f***ed every day for four days.

It's really not that big of a deal..if the guy likes you, it won't matter to him. Might even like it. Like my guy, he said, "I'm glad you're not all slutty." and he liked the fact that I was "pure as snow" before him

[GoodManDave]

I'm 32 and a virgin. Many of my 30 something friends are virgins... I'd be turned off if the girl had multiple partners or did it with some random guy. That would make me too insecure about it.

You say you're like a 13 year old. Perhaps in some respects. I think everyone is, to a degree.

Maturity is SO much more than who you've slept with (or not slept with); that's a small part of it. I know of people who have had 30 sexual partners... and THEY have the maturity of a 12 year old. I know of people who are 20 and have had several partners, and they're more of an adult than I will ever be. I know a 35 year old who's married, has kids, and a great job; and he's one of the most shallow people I've met. He's a pathological liar and a habitual cheater. He's tried to screw anything that's moved, practically. I wouldn't say he's all that mature OR that he's a good person. By my understanding, he's still very much lacking in the "real man" department. Legally, he's an adult. By most shallow standards, he's a man. He's had plenty of sex, with plenty of people. That doesn't make him a real man.

[7gnat]

No it isn't but freakin out and having low self-confidence can be. If you focus completely on this then you will either get raped, an std, abused in some way or never get a guy. Focus on you and try to improve yourself but you NEVER want to be in the "Bring home a different guy every night" stage. Just relax ok? There are guys on gag that are 30 something and have never kissed a girl and they still have hope. Just stay positive and do NOT focus on it so much.

[7gnat]

Thank you for best answer and I hope you stay patient and find the confidence I know you have inside you.

[Malcom_Reynolds]

Being inexperienced is not a turn off at any age. I'm 23 and if I was with a girl who told that she'd never even hugged a boy before, I'd be OK with that.

Losing it to a guy because you're tired of being a virgin, I can see that. Losing it because you don't know what other people think about your inexperience, that's a very stupid reason.

[djpandy1]

Thanks :)

[la_exile]

No, not at all. I think it's a turnoff when a girl has lost it at 14 ... or when her experience level rivals some prostitutes when she's your age. I don't think you should worry, or feel insecure, or pathetic. Just wait. Wait wait wait until it's right. You don't get to feel this way until you're...27. Lose it before then. Ok? Plenty of time.

[Anonymous]

It's either a bonus or doesn't matter for most men. Rarely will it be a complete turn off. Chances of you being totally terrible at sex is slim in the first place and the guy gets the benefit of being your first. Even if you aren't a p*rn star in bed from the start you can always learn to do better. You just have to practice a lot together ;)

[Anonymous]

Try being a male who's still a virgin at 26. Then you can complain all you want. Why do girls complain about being a virgin when they know, its easier for them to lose their, virginity? If I had a nickel every time I heard a girl complain she was a virgin, I, would be a millionaire.

[Jager66]

it is a good thing you have nothing to be shamed of, if anything be glad you may not be like most other women that I REALLY good thing.

[moviedude714]

not at all, I'm 24 and in the same boat