Boyfriend called me ungrateful?

[Anonymous]

Ok I'll try to make this short.

So my birthday is soon and we decided we'd spend around $70 on each others gifts. i had picked out this bag .Today he calls me and is like "I have 50 bucks right now, do you really want that bag" and I'm like "uhm yeah, I do"( the bag comes out to $70). He starts complaining about his work(a carpeting/construction summer job) and how its strenuous which I understand...but the thing is he got mad when I wouldn't compromise my gift. I mean I really want it, And he knows that so it's a little irritating when he gets mad that I don't want to compromise and get something for less. He called me ungrateful for this, so I'm wondering if you guys think so too?

•he can work next weekend and have enough...so I don't get why it's such a big deal :/

[jeremy20]

If you guys are fighting over material items now, you have a rude awakening.

Its just a purse. I know saying that to a girl is inappropriate for a guy to do, but it doesn't matter. Your boyfriend works hard for his money and right now he's willing to spend everything he has ($50) on you.

Honestly, I wouldn't be mad that you still want the bag, I would be mad about your smart-aleck response "ummm yeah." A wiser answer would have been: "I would really like to have it, but I'll love whatever you give me."

Gifts are from the heart. It should be something that you look at and it would always remind you of him. Understandably, you want a certain item, but that's always something you can get yourself. Assuming your age is correct, you're no where close to being in a mature relationship and this situation proves my theory.

I will ask you a question...do you have a job? Do you know the value of a dollar? Do you know what its like to go to school 40 hours a week and juggle a part time job as a teenager? Whether you do or you don't, I think you owe your boyfriend an apology.

Quite frankly, when my significant other gives me a gift, I want it to be unique and something from her, not just something she picks up off the shelf and thinks "this is what he wants." Fix the situation by telling him "Im sorry...I'll love whatever you get me."

[Asker]

I've apologized...thanks for your advice.

[shacodraco]

a deal is a deal, he has to learn to keep his promises and he knew when your birthday would be so he should have put some money aside for you.

just leave him, I'll buy you a $600 purse ;)

[shacodraco]

lol that was a joke by the way and I just saw that you're under 18 :/

[septimus]

cyberjailbait hahaha :D

[Asker]

Turning 18. lol

[CatholicVirginia]

You are not ENTITLED to a $70 gift.

The fact that he CAN make the money doesn't mean he SHOULD, and does not mean he SHOULD spend it on you... especially since you want something that is unnecessary. Why should he spend every last penny he has on you, anyway? Clearly you don't care much for him.

I agree that you two should spend the same amount on one another. But you are being unreasonable. It's about the thought, not the actual gift.

For his next birthday, spend only $50 on him. Or let him treat you to a movie in the future to make up the difference. Whatever it is, don't put him in debt because you're celebrating yet another year that you haven't gotten hit by a car.

Stop being ungrateful, immature, and selfish. What you're doing is telling your boyfriend that you care more about the damn purse than you care about him.

At nearly eighteen years of age, one would think you know to behave better than this. (and I'm sure you do - that's why you went on anonymous. You're embarrassed by your own actions).

[Asker]

Here we go again with the "every last penny" bit. It's not the last of his money, ever. Jesus. You may think that the bag is "unnecessary" but who are you exactly to tell me that? You have your opinion and I have mine. It is in fact neccessary, because it's him keeping his word, to me. That is very important. It's not at all about the money, it's more of him following through.

Oh and why am I on anonymous? Because I feel like it. Does that bother you? lol

[CatholicVirginia]

No, all that bothers me is your sense of entitlement. You ARE ungrateful. Own it, girl.

[Anonymous]

Hey!

I definitely understand where you are coming from :) You guys had this agreement, and it feels as though he's not following through. The fact that he is so emotional about this show that he really really cares about you, so don't be hard on him or take his comment ("ungrateful") too seriously!

I would just give him a call and say something like, "I know that you are working your butt off, and I definitely appreciate that! You are an amazing boyfriend [insert more compliments here]. I didn't mean to seem ungrateful, I a, just really excited for my birthday and was looking forward to getting this purse. Maybe I can ask if they can put it on layaway?"

If he doesn't have the money, he doesn't have the money :( BUT if you seem flexible it is more likely that he will be willing to work with you and get you the purse. :)

Hope this helps!

[Asker]

Aww, thanks for this! I've already apologized, but this really helped!

[CatholicVirginia]

I give you a lot of credit for apologizing.

[simplycee93]

The most important sentence in this description is "WE decided WE'D spend around $70 on each others gifts." You guys had already estimated a spending limit. The fact that he is going back on his word and calling YOU ungrateful is unreasonable. Why would he agree if he was going to back out, complain about it and call YOU ungrateful? You should have just told him to "be a real man" and keep his word instead of trying to make you feel bad. If the situation was different, like he lost his job, or he really didn't have any money, then that would definitely make more sense. Just seems like he doesn't want to follow through.

[Asker]

Omigosh this is so old, but you seem to be the only person out of all the other answers on here that understood me. The "WE" was so the point. Thanks so much for your input!

[septimus]

well, maybe you could have been more understanding... if I knew my boyfriend couldn't afford to buy me the gift I wanted, I wouldn't keep asking him to buy it. alternatively, if he expects you to spend $70 on him, he should be willing to do the same for you...

[crookthings]

Dude... why would you want him to spend every last dollar he has to buy you a bag? He's supposed to be your friend, not just your boyfriend, be considerate. This is obviously a circumstance where you go, "Hey, I understand, times are tough." I get that you got your hopes up about it and you're disappointed, but... a bag vs. him being super stressed out seems like a pretty easy decision to me.

[Asker]

I understand that if he'd never work again and this was his last check...but it's not. Every weekend. So he's not spending "every last dollar"..but thanks.

[crookthings]

But when you work, it sucks to lose the money just as fast as you get it. It feels like it's all in vain.

[tikitaki123]

is this a serious question...? yeah you're ungrateful.. I would have dumped your ass if I were him