How can I change who I am??

[Anonymous]

I don't know what's wrong with me... for some reason I always do the things that hurt me the most. I have smoked marijuana for years and it gives me anxiety that pains, heart palpitations and other problems... I am a compulsive gambler and I am a fat unhealthy f***.

I've hit rock bottom, I blew hundreds of dollars today and now I am flat broke... I blew all the money I have in the world now and now I don't even know what to do...

I've already gone to my parents and told them I had gambling problems, so they gave me money to fix my bills problems and such, but I ended up spending that on weed and gambling and such...

I've never had a girlfriend because I am a fat, useless peice of sh*t. I can't even stand myself anymore, I say I won't gamble or smoke weed and stuff and then I do it as soon as I get a chance...

Now I am drinking to try and forget about all this stupid sh*t!

I'm tired of myself, and I am tired of my life. How do I become a totally different person? How am I ever going to get a decent girlfriend when I am a loser gambler? I don't even want to be like this!

I guess I just seem like whiney, pathetic bitch, but I seriously can't seem to control myself!

[ambertaylor]

No worries.

You don't seem whiney.

It's good that you've realised your faults before things got out off hand.

You need some motivation by the sound of it.

Do you have a job?

Or is there a girl you like?

There are lots of people who can help you to get through this rock bottom stage.

Maybe you should see a doctor who would arrange councilling and if you have a weight issues they could probably help you out with a diet or health plan to help you loose some weight and perhaps arrange some medication if you feel as if your are suffering from depression.

I strongly believe that all your problems could be solved by motivation.

There are many ways to motivate yourself. Just gotta have something to work for.

List everything you’d like to do in your lifetime. These lists can run several hundred items. Your chosen lifestyle must allow the accomplishment of these dreams.

Write down your ten favorite activities, the ones without which your life would feel bereft. No life choice is suitable unless you get to do your favorite activities at least weekly, and preferably, daily. Think of a time when you felt more positively about your life. What has changed between then and now? List everything that is different. Perhaps you will gain insight into what is causing your current dissatisfaction. Then, you can change the issues causing unhappiness.

If you are like many of us, you rarely take time to be alone with yourself. In fact, many people avoid this time and prefer to fill every minute of the day with activity. Schedule quiet, thinking time for yourself every single day. Spend time alone with yourself doing nothing. Some people call this meditation; others practice yoga. The key is to spend time in your head going gently wherever your thoughts take you. If those thoughts turn negative or self-deprecating, kindly change the subject.

You have listed your favorite activities and the hundreds of items you’d like to do in your lifetime. Do your ten favourite activities you love in a week. Do something that is totally new to you once each week. Get out of your comfort zone and try to meet new people, explore new places and participate in new activities. Write a journal that tracks your thoughts and be sure to write down how achieving all the new things made you feel!

See a friend at least twice a month for conversation and to maintain the supportive and caring relationship. Eat a balanced diet, get daily exercise, even if only for ten minutes, and sleep on a regular basis and get into a healthy routine that suits you.

Wish you the best of luck! There are websites that may also be able to offer you guidance and advice too (:

[jacquesvol]

Reading the question, things seem to have gotten out of hand: addiction to cannabis, addiction to gambling, probably an eating disorder (bulimia? Te weight, health problems, social problem)

No website can help there, except by giving addresses.

[jacquesvol]

And the drinking...

[ambertaylor]

Well I'm sure he can handle finding some websites. (:

[Asker]

Lol thanks for the answer

[lizzly]

Look, first you need to stop talking like that about yourself. It's part of that cycle, of self-punishment. Do you think you may be a masochist? Do you enjoy emotional pain...without realizing it? Let me write you this from a book about being a masochist (which is serious business)..."There are people who feel that they deserve nothing good in life, and who, unable to deal with success, sabotage themselves constantly. This people seek punishment, they feel they deserve criticism and negative things, and receive them with a sense of relief, because they try to feel guilty, a feeling that deep down, they enjoy" ... Do you think this is your case? If it is the first thing you should do, is to recognize it and stop right there. I don't think you are in such a bad shape...I think I am pretty, I am a physician, I'm suppose to be studying for a test and I still have a couple of minutes to see what's up with you...I'm sure other people will have time for you as well, when you stop liking to feel sorry for yourself...

[Asker]

I've thought I am masochistic, but I don't think I enjoy it. I know I tell myself that I am an idiot and stuff alot, but it's because it's actualy true!! I am smart, but I do the dumbest things that screw myself in the end! It's just hard not to be hard on myself when I really am doing stupid things!

[chloenicole]

If you really want to change then you need to totally change your life and have the motivation and some determination to do it. You need to stop all this because sooner or later you will end up having a heart attack or loosing the closest people to you. Change and make youself proud :) first of all how old are you?

Chuck out all of the drink, the drugs, the junk food and remember that when you gamble you will hardly be likely to win anything... how do you think these gambling places earn money? they can't just give thousands out all of the time. I know it will be hard but anythings possible and you need to change for the good. Try to get a job, make yourself look presentable, try to get some money for healthier food and loose some weight. Go out more, socialise and sooner or later you will meet someone nice. All of this stuff isn't making you feel better so don't bother doing it before its too late.

Hope this helps :)

xxx

[Asker]

I know all about the heart attack and stuff.... but I can never stick to trying to change. All my friends smoke weed and stuff, and I don't want to hang out with new people or make friends!

I just turned 21 a couple months ago and college is ending in a couple weeks for me, so I will be getting a job. I know it's stupid because I know you aren't expected to win when you go to the casino, but I always hope I can just win a little to get some free weed and stuff. Like I say, I am smart

[jacquesvol]

If you want free weed, grow it in your room.

[jacquesvol]

You seem to have serious problems . Get yourself professional counselling. (start at AA, as first contact you'll find them easily and they will redirect you to other addresses: link )

I looked up a few addresses for you:

Possibly Red Ribbon: link

Sites like this one might redirect you, unless they're publicity for clinics: link

On gambling: link

On drugs: link

another one : SAMHSA: link

Idk where you live, so I can't look by state. You will have to look yourself on the sites I gave.

[blueyedgrll]

The best way to change yourself is to find something or someone to change for. That's a good motivater. Do you wanna die before your 50? NO! Then change. Do you really want to let down the people that love you? NO! Then change. Stop thinking about the things you don't have and the things about you that depress you. Start thinking about all of the good things and how much better your quality of life could be if you didn't do the things you want to change. Get involved in more things. Join an intermural sport or get two jobs that way your time isn't spent whining about your life and rather spent doing something for yourself and society. good luck!

[Asker]

I know I don't want to die before 50 and all that crap, but for some reason I am too lazy or can't convince myself to give it an honest effort... it's like I am just waiting to die? I don't know...

Thanks for the answer though.

[Marge]

Go to your local AA meeting to begin with, so that you will have live people to help support you with what you are going through. I was allowed to attend a AA meeting for a Senior HS report I had to do. They will assign you a partner to help you will you start going off the wagon. The AA will also help you get in touch with the rest of the programs you may need

[Anonymous]

Are you serious...or just a troll?

[Asker]

What are you talking about?

[Opinion Owner]

Well, if you're serious, then you've got some good advice here already.

My advice: be disciplined. Stop doing all this sh*t and stop whining. The only way to improve yourself is to cut the crap. You've been given chances. Lots of them.