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I was bullied in high school and they told others as if I had done things I didn't do, I couldn't defend myself, many people believed them, not me, high school is over, I don't want to be a loser anymore, I want to change, how can I do it?
How can I change?
Anonymous
(18-24) 
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
You just don't know how to protect yourself. Carry a notebook, you may even carry a recorder that you speak into. Start documenting everything they say, and every time they touch you without your consent. Take out your notebook and say, "How do you spell your last name and will you repeat what you just said, I won't to be certain this incident is documented correctly." No one want what they say or do to be documented. It scares them.
If a recorder speak in the recorder in their presence say, "The incident, uninvited touching, verbal harassment, etc., occurred at 9:12 a. m. on Oct 10, 2023 between myself and John Smith." John Smith or whoever will avoid you after that.
If in the workplace, you can also document what happened on paper hand it to your supervisor and his boss and ask them to sign your copy that they received it. Or you can go a lawyer, and let the lawyer call or write a letter to upper management. That tells them they may be facing a big lawsuit. And, they don't dare punish you in anyway for exercising your legal rights because they don't want to explain to a judge why they allowed the harassment or why they gave you shitty work, lower performance rating, or fired you.
They will call in whoever it and lay down the law and whoever it is doesn't want to lose their job. You may not have many pseudo friends afterwards but they will leave you alone.
I am 18 years old, I was bullied in high school, I finished high school and could not enter the university yet, I will prepare for the exam again and I am afraid that I may see them again in some places I go to (course center, library). Is this also valid in these places?
According to my grandfather, in colleges, a student may file a complaint with the Title IX Coordinator. They are very protective of females from males. Not as much if it is from other females. In college, except for sexual harassment or sexual assault, bullying is seldom a problem because they grow out of it. What was fun in middle school and high school, is not fun in college.
Regardless, they know right from wrong and if they do wrong, they don't want it documented whether you write in a notebook or speak in a recorder. Doing wrong may be fun but not if it is going to come back and bite them.
I live in Turkey and justice is not as strong here as where you live, but I will try, thank you. I have an exam today and I'm afraid I might see someone from high school when I go there and I don't want to go.
One more thing you can call "STOP BULLYING NOW HOTLINE (USA) 1-800-273-8255. Helpline set up by U. S. Department of Health and Human Services; Available 24/7" If you do call you can speak to a person within a couple of minutes and they will give you a followup the following day if that is what you want.
Bullying is a major problem in Turkey with one-third of high school students (male and female) reporting being bullied and the authorities are not doing much to prevent it. What I suggested may not be effective in Turkey. Unless you are willing to commit violence and feel certain that you are not willing to violence. Therefore unless you have a big guy friend who is willing to violence, there may not be much of a solution.
by being independent. find a job work your way up the ladder.
Ok exactly why do you think you’re a loser? Tell us more about you. It would help to know what you’re like. Do you feel like you’re a loser because you were bullied?
Hey, by the way English is not my native language so sorry if I make mistakes, I feel like a loser because they bullied me and I couldn't defense my self, they spread lies about me and I couldn't do anything, I have traumas, I have anxiety, I have a exam today but I don't want go, I feel like I can see someone from highschool and can feel bad, that much I have anxiety
I was exposed to gashlighinting, slander, bullying in high school and it lasted for 4 years, high school ended but it stayed with me as a trauma and I don't know how to heal
Well being bullied doesn’t make you a loser. I’d look at the bullies as the losers. But that statement doesn’t help you to get over your insecurities. If it’s that bad I thinks you need to get some professional help. You’re still on high school or graduated? If you graduated than the good thing about it is no one outside of those idiots knows really about you being bullied. Especially if you choose to move to another place. Don move simply because of these idiots. Eventually one day you will have to return. But you may need some therapy. Telling you what to do is easier than you doing it w out all the counseling that can help you get to the root of this all.
I finished high school but I couldn't pass the university entrance exam, so I will take the exam again this year and unfortunately I couldn't change the city. I'm only 18 years old and I still live in the same city with the people who bullied me. I used to go to a psychologist but I can't go now because my family can't afford it.
You could try some self help books. Maybe take some classes on self confidence, maybe some sort of martial arts class. But I really thinks you need to seek some therapy.
And again, because I'm studying for the exam, I go to the course center to take the exam and you should see my condition every week. As I step inside, my heart feels palpitations. Today, I have an exam in an hour and I don't want to go. I don't know. I feel bad and I'm afraid it might remind me of high school.
I will never forget high school, I went to another school because I was bullied for the first 2 years, and at the school I went to, they said to me: The people at your old school are our friends, we don't want you, you are the person I like least in this class, I wouldn't be upset if you died, you're ugly., The things I experienced in high school are on my mind every minute and I can't forget, I want to forget but it doesn't go away.
I’m really sorry to hear that kiddo. You know I thought going to college would be a lot like high school but it wasn’t. I didn’t want to go myself. Not cause of being bullied or something like that. I just didn’t like school. Is there options to take the exam online at home or something? If so that could alleviate some of the anxiety for now but eventually you will have to go to the school. So again some therapy would help. But too like you pointed out your family can’t afford it. Have you looked into other ways to afford it? Maybe some free therapy sessions out there for women?
Well you will never forget that. It’s finding a way to process that so it doesn’t bother you now. Why did they bully you to begin w? Like what kinds of things did they say besides what you already wrote?
in here going to therapy is not free, but going to psychiatrist is free, the sad thing is they just listen you 10 min and give u antidepressants in general, but I was going one, and she said to me:I don't want give you antidepressants, I think you can overcome this without medicine,
I had an incident in my first year of high school and my friend told lies about me, showed messages that I didn't write as if I had written them, created fake screenshots, tried to flirt with the boy I liked, talked badly about me to everyone in high school, Since then many people know me as a bad person
I understand. I’m not a big fan of people taking meds either unless it’s something really serious. I tend to think too many psych meds are prescribed that aren’t necessary. It may just take some time. I know when I was your age there were some insecurities on my part as well. But as I got older my mindset changed. Your thoughts change. What about online services that don’t charge a lot. I recently seen some ads for online therapy.
So will a lot of these losers be going to the same uni as you?
We were very good friends and one day she came to me and said: you will not talk to that boy again, if you do the school principal will expel you from school. She gaslighted me, every day I went to school dhe started saying things like: You are the most disliked person in this school, this school is a religious school and you cannot flirt with boys here, the school principal called me over and he does not want you to flirt with that boy. All the teachers hate you because you love that kid I was 14 years old and I believed everything she said Everything she said was a lie, she was just jealous that I liked that boy, when I revealed that it was a lie, dhe tried to tell lies about me and make me look bad to people, and also tried to flirt with the boy I liked.
And she told me that he would ruin my school life, etc. By the way, this girl was really problematic, she was always lying, when we were good friends, she said to me: My mother has cancer, I am very sad, she may die. Then I learned that her mother was never sick
I think I will somehow find the money and go to a psychologist.
I am not going to university, I am currently preparing for the university preparatory exam again, some of them go to university, some of them study at university in this city, some of them went, some of them did not pass the exam (like me).
I’m really sorry to hear that. Some people are just evil. I don’t think k it’ll be like that at the uni. A lot of people have probably gone through what you have. I hope you can find a way to get help. Where is this girl now? I assume you e cut all ties w her? May I ask what country you’re in? Do you have a few friends at least? Maybe one good friend? Or she was it?
I am from turkiye 🇹🇷, I don't talk with her since from a long time, I just have 1 friend she went to other city for university, we just talk on WhatsApp, I don't have any friend , just her, I don't know where is she now, maybe she couldn't pass exam, maybe she passed exam and in uni
But she is just evil, I know this, ruined my highschool life, people really thinks I am bad lol,
Honestly high school isn’t the be all end all of life. If someone thinks high school was the highlight of their life than they’ve lived a pretty said life in my opinion. Things will change. It’s not going to be the same. But the thing here like I said before is getting some therapy to help you push through this.
I came to exam hell, and I found that girl, my bullier also enters exam in here, what a luck🥲
Ahaha she also couldn't pass exam, wow😂
See she’s not better than you as she thought she was. How did you find out she didn’t pass?
The list says whether she passed the exam last year or not, and like me she couldn't pass, but she was ahead of me in the exam at the course center, I was 20th and she was 17th among 150 people
Somehow, i feel Like, life especiallly put me to here, to fight and not be silent again, I won't be silent again
I know that is funny to you that she didn’t pass, but I think as someone who is better than she is you’ll forget about that. I think part of helping yourself heal is to forgive her. I’m not saying forgive her now you’re buddy w her. Meaning forgive her, to help yourself move on. Because I’d you don’t you’re going to put too much unnecessary energy into this. Yes they were wrong for what they do. Don’t ever forget that. But you don’t need to devote anymore of your energy to something that was bad in your life.
You are right
How you feeling?