Guys: How important is sex to you in a relationship?

[Anonymous]

I recently read an article that talked about the difference between a man and woman's views on sex in a serious relationship. They suggested that men need sex and physical intimacy to feel loved. They feel rejected and unloved if they are denied it (whether intentionally or not) in a relationship.

Women, on the other hand, don't need sex to feel loved but need words and reassurance. As a girl, I could not have sex with my boyfriend for months and would know he still loves me (through his words and other actions). I'm not sure he could say the same, though.

Guys: Would you agree with this? Do you feel unloved if you don't have sex for long periods of time with your partner?

Girls: Do you feel as though you need to be told you're loved to feel it? Or do you feel it through sex?

I'm a guy and I need sex from my partner to feel loved.

I'm a guy and I don't need sex from my partner to feel loved.

I'm a girl and I need sex from my partner to feel loved.

I'm a girl and I don't need sex from my partner to feel loved.

Other (in comments).

[toulouse]

could you not be touched affectionately/ non-sexually by your boyfriend for months and be happy?'

I don't think sex matters because you can just jerk off. affectionate touch is extremely important for all mammals.

alot of guys _say_ they need physical intimacy to feel loved, because it sounds nicer than saying they need to f*** because they feel horny, yet those guys are perfectly happy to skip the intimacy part and get to the f***ing... as well as say they find touching annoying and clingy.

Ask your boyfriend, would he be more upset if you:

A).had sex everyday but didn't touch otherwise, or

B). if you didn't have sex but touched constantly?

from what I've read Women are mostly bothered because their bfs. husbands only touch when they want sex, and its more f***ing then Sex... so they don't feel close just used.

ive seen way more guys argue why 'men' don't need to 'touch' the way women do... then I have sex guys saying they need true physical intimacy. most guys say they need sex.

a few dont. some genuinely say they need physical affection.

i don't claim men don't need touch. however many men claim they dont. unless its sex.

personally I don't care about words. they are easy to say and mean nothing to me. I like to be touched, but I'm not comfortable being touched, so I prefer a guy who s genuinely comfortable being affectionate, which is not many.

idk what you mean by reassurance but what else does needing suchand such, in order o feel loved , mean. but being reasured?



Who in a relationship is in there without reassurance? exactly how would that manifest?

in my experience reassurance has nothing to do with which sex you are.

[udolipixie]

Do you feel as though you need to be told you're loved to feel it?

No in fact in terms of romance/sexual scenarios I generally find when a guy tells a gal he loves her it's a lie.

Or do you feel it through sex?

I'm a virgin however I highly doubt I'd feel love through sex considering it seems there is no to little emotional investment on the male part through sex, it's often depicted as a degrading act done to a gal, and generally sex despite male claim of needing it for love and intimacy seems to solely/mainly be about his ego aka his perception of his masculinity/alphaness and appealing to other males.

[Anonymous]

I think I would need sex at least once every two days or so to feel wanted. And I'd want her to initiate it sometimes. I wouldn't want to feel like I'm pestering her into doing it.

But in terms of physically wanting sexual pleasure, I really want it at least once a day.

For many guys I think sex is the foundation on which all the other elements of the relationship are built. For many girls, it seems more like sex is built on the other elements (for example emotional connection) of the relationship.

Luckily, all my girlfriends have really enjoyed sex. So there's never been a conflict.

[Opinion Owner]

Basically I want to feel like I'm both physically attractive AND good at sex. The need to feel physically attractive is why blow-jobs are so good. Not only do the physical sensations feel good, but especially if the girl initiates it, it shows me she can't resist my body.

[Asker]

"For many guys I think sex is the foundation on which all the other elements of the relationship are built. For many girls, it seems more like sex is built on the other elements (for example emotional connection) of the relationship."

That's exactly that I was getting at. Thanks!

[Sekrett]

No doubt about it. No sex for even few weeks means she no longer cares or loves. Yeah definitely. For me honestly sex is something that makes me feel closer to my GF. I will definitely think there is something wrong between us and the relationship. I will start feeling like that even if two weeks had passed.

What's the point of being in a relationship if you don't even get intimate? If few months do pass and we don't get physical I will find someone who can give me that intimacy. Being honest.

[angrychick]

Wtf For some reason I can't find anyone who has this mentality when I post my questions...

[Sekrett]

Maybe if you can tell me what you mean I could elaborate on it :)

[Anonymous]

I can only speak for myself but here it goes. I honestly don't need sex to feel loved. Don't get me wrong, sex is really good and passionate and I personally only have sex when it is a form of love-making (i.e. I only have sex within a relationship) but I don't feel unloved if I don't have sex with my partner. Being taken care of and being intimate non-sexually with my partner would make me feel loved. Words and actions are powerful. Reassurance is good too. Of course, if I didn't have sex with my girlfriend for long periods of time then I would feel disappointed and rejected and unwanted but sex is not essential for me to feel wanted and loved. Like I said, words and actions are powerful and have a lot of meaning in a passionate, fulfilling and committed relationship. I know I'm different to a lot of guys out there. Maybe it's because I grew up in a family full of women which is why I tend to think in a more feminine way.

[Asker]

Interesting..thanks! : )

[Tarvold]

I voted other.

For guys in general, my observation is this: When our sexual appetites are satisfied, then sex is the last factor we think about when evaluating how happy we are in a relationship. When sex is insufficient, however, then it's the biggest issue we care about.

My observation on girls, however, differs slightly. Generally speaking, girls who've had really great sex, can't feel truly loved and happy without regular great sex. Girls who haven't had great sex will think that they don't need sex to feel loved.

[Yellowsmurf]

^his observation on guys is spot on.

[justincider]

Completely agree

[angrychick]

True...and I realize in a lot of these situations I think like a guy I guess you could say...read my preivously asked question..Im the only one who sees it as a big deal that were not having sex..

[Sekrett]

I'm not sure sex will be something I would use to evaluate how our relationship is, or I wouldn't care. Sex most definitely is a means for me definitely and many guys I know a way of feeling closer to our partners too. If it was just sex one could have sex with any girl. Reason we are happy to begin with is that we have a good sex life, and everything is OK.

If we're not having sex its not just we are massively horny but their is something wrong, and hence no intimacy. What OP was saying.

[shadowscapes]

I would want sex in a relationship. And if a girl in a relationship doesn't want sex, then I would take it personally. I would think that she is disappointed in my performance (because women do like sex a lot from men who are good at it) and I'd need to improve. I'm just being honest.

[Asker]

Thanks for your honesty!

[Anonymous]

yeah I'd definity want sex if we had been dating for more than a few weeks , I wouldn't expect her to put out rate away but after we had been dating I think it be time to get more serious and sex would be considered part of a loving normal relationship by that point

[justincider]

I like having sex with someone I am in love with, but I do not believe they are connected very much beyond that. Many women use love as a test or predetermining factor as to if they will sleep with a guy, but eventually many girls grow out of that.

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

I sorta need it, but I don't need it immediately. And if for some reason I'm in love with someone who can't have it or has an accident during and can't or whatever? Than ya, I'll be fine.

[palek]

Not so much. I grew up on a farm and when I was 13 my genetalia were devoured by a rabid cow.

[Asker]

Don't you hate it when that happens? Selfish cows.

[palek]

It all evened out. We shot the cow and ate it. ; - )

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

So... by the associative property of math, you ate your own genitals? :O

[palek]

Kinda in a refried beans sorta way. ; - )

[Asker]

hahaha :-P

[palek]

; - )

[kheserthorpe]

Been there, yes, you feel unwanted, unloved, rejected, used.

[kheserthorpe]

I'll note that its not -intercourse- that's critical. Its feeling sexually desired and that she is excited by and wants you, and cares about your desires as well.

[Asker]

So it's not necessarily the physical aspect of it, but more so the knowing that you're desirable to your partner that makes you feel loved?

[kheserthorpe]

Its not a need to get off, lets put it that way - we're quite capable of doing that ourselves. I'd say yes its the feeling lusted for, but there's only so long you can feel lusted for without it happening before you start ... feeling like its just talk.

But I think that's why traditionally guys were happy to wait for marriage. engagements were relatively short, the girl was a virgin, he could believe she wanted him and couldn't wait to be married.

But when things -stop- or ...

[kheserthorpe]

If she doesn't seem that eager to begin with ... we essentially feel rejected as a man.

I don't know for sure, but I'd hazard a guess men evolved to not stay emotionally attached to women who weren't sexual with them. Staying in love in that situation would be a good way of raising other men's children and disappearing from the gene pool.

[Asker]

Good point. Interesting.

[drjohno]

"Sex is the stuff that keeps couples together"