How important is sex for guys when they're in a relationship?

[Anonymous]

Last night, I went to visit my boyfriend and it was just for one night since we're long-distance and we had other plans the next day but we wanted to see each other so we made the best to fit each other in our schedules. But one thing that stopped me from going to go see him is the fact that we were just gonna end up having sex. So then I thought wait... we don't HAVE to have sex, I have the ability to not go forward with it duh so I went planning to not have sex with him. The thing is we have sex a lot and I don't want our relationship to be based on our sexual desires and I quetioned, if he is really just interested in me mainly because of our sex.

So we were having a good time and I didn't try having sex with him or anything and we fell asleep. I was not really surprised he didn't make the move earlier to have sex because he never really does, its just mutual. But then in the middle of the night, we woke up somehow and he was making the move. I was having so many thoughts on what to do. I wanted to have sex with him for sure and I was happy he kind of worked for it, and I also wanted to have sex with him because I think he feels a little insecure with his body right now so I didn't wanna make him feel bad and because we haven't seen each other in forever so it just felt right. But the fact that we did it and that he couldn't resist making a move, makes me feel a little off like I guess we can't go a night without sex.

I think if I didn't have sex with him, it would've caused some weird tension since we haven't seen each other. But again, I wanted to have sex with him but I wanted to see where we stood.

[Setsu]

The main thing to remember about men and sex is that the more you do it, the more he's going to feel like he needs it. It is a very powerful way to show the man you love that you love him, but for the same reason it is extremely addictive. Properly handled, sex is supposed to be both exclusive and permanent. That's why sex is best saved for the irrevocably committed relationship that marriage is supposed to represent. To give a man sex and then take it away is crueler than never giving it to him in the first place. Ladies who wish to treat the men they love right are here advised to think *very* carefully before opening their legs for the first time and to bear in mind that withholding sex will always be painful for the man in question. Don't make a promise if you're not going to keep it.

[gray_sailor]

Wise words.

[Asker]

Yup I wish I was more careful in the beginning with having sex with him. But I fell in love with him and he's my first love so I did whatever felt right. I do not regret having sex with him so early and so freely but I acknowledge that is the reason why I'm here in this situation. I think he is so used to me being really sexual with him that he expects it now and its not only something natural to us now but its something really special for us (as with most couples im sure) that I don't wanna spoil it or take it away from us.

[Asker]

I'm glad I had sex with him at the end of the day and didn't hold back on something that I know I wanted too

[Pvt_Nutzack]

I have being with me girlfriend for almost 10 years now, when i was around 15 to 18 she could not push me off of her, she didn't hate it she just had no other option, but then when i was around 20 i noticed that i liked having her by my side and talking with her more than sex and now our sex drive is balanced with each other's tho i think hers is increasing from time to time (not complaining) i dont find sex that important maybe just a child's thing even on new relationships between older people is the same

[jelicocat]

Sex is important in a rrelationship. Its better to have more sex than no sex just as a way to test him. If he shows you that he's a good boyfriend outside of the bedroom then you shouldn't doubt if he just wants to use you for sex or something. I dont really even get this like just have sex if you want it. Dont play games and shit

[playdatesx]

Like girls, all guys are different. Men also have different levels for their sex drive, believe it or not. So with that said, it depends on your guy.

[EAThomas]

Sex is an important part of a relationship but should not be the only part of the relationship. Most relationships start out with a bang! That never lasts. What is important is that you have a relationship based on something other than sex. Talk to your boyfriend about how you feel. Keep the lines of communication open and if desire to have sex all the time bothers you you need to get that off your chest. Keep that to yourself and it grows into a big resentment that you will not be able to get past.

[gray_sailor]

As a companion test, he could see how many days he could go consecutively without saying "I love you". They are just words, and he would not want to feed narcissistic tendencies in you. Ideally, your relationship should be based on shared values, mutual trust and shared interests. Being a source for constant emotional reassurance detracts from the quality of the experience of the relationship.

I think this could work out quite well.

[Asker]

Yeah most of our relationship has been for emotional reassurance which is what like you said, detracts from gaining any quality in our relationship. However, whatever quality we might have, is what holds us together and recently, the quality has been getting better. So this whole sex thing just felt natural but like I said, since it was only for one night, I thought this could be like a test. I think it was a bad time though for a test since we hadn't seen each other in a long time so why think too much of a situation in this case.

[gray_sailor]

You are taking me seriously. I'm amazed.

My whole opinion was delivered tongue firmly in cheek.

You are long distance for God's sake. Every fiber of your being should be crying out for touch, physical affection and sex with your boyfriend.

If you can get together (on those rare occasions when you do get together) and NOT spend a portion of your time locked in passion, then I would seriously question whether there is even a relationship there to begin with.
(That is not to discount the experiences of asexual couples. I just don't think you are among their ranks.)

Every other aspect of your relationship can be fed and nurtured while at a distance. Sex happens when you two are in close proximity or not at all.

The implied answer to your question: "How important is sex for guys when they're in a relationship?" is this: every bit as important as hearing (in his words) that your boyfriend loves you.

Sex is a way of non-verbally communicating that love and connection.

[Asker]

Hmm well considering most answers on here I'm glad I did not pass on having sex because again, I wanted to do it with him it's not that i didn't want to. I understand that men and women think of sex in two completely different ways. So with that being said, at this point he's having sex with me cause its a part of our relationship not cause he's using me. I mentioned to another gentleman on here that I already had this talk w him but before we became official and he felt bad that I felt I was being used.

[Asker]

I'm glad that I didn't go for it though like usually and he kinda had to work a bit harder and of course I couldn't say no.

[gray_sailor]

It is good that it worked out the way that it did.

The test you were thinking of employing would have hurt him at the minimum.

How he would have reacted once hurt is an open question. It is certain that it would not have been good for the relationship.

If the fallout of a test of your relationship is pain for your boyfriend and damage to the relationship, of what value is the test?

[SunDevil11]

It is fairly common for a guy to want to have sex often (maybe not every time) in a relationship. However I think long distance relationships are a little different because you guys do not get to see or hang out with each other as often as couples who are closer. Next time you see him or the next conversation you have just talk to him about how you feel and that you want to know where you stand in the relationship because you are starting to feel it is all physical when you actually get together

[Asker]

Yeah it was a while we hadn't seen each other so I thought it was just bad timing to test our relationship. If we do see each other soon again though, I think I will hold it off.

Asking him about this will be kind of awkward especially cause I don't want to bring a problem that he prob thought wasn't there. Wait actually... I have brought this up lol a while ago. But this was when we were just seeing each other. I told him if he's not gonna put more effort then why should I give him everything including sex and he said fine he didn't want to make me feel used. So we stopped and um didn't really last for long since the next time we did, we went over a lot of things between us.

[SunDevil11]

Yeah if you saw each other a lot more then it might be a more valid "test", but since you do not I feel like it would cause more problems just as you fear it will. Well now you are in a relationship and talking about where you stand with each other and doing things other than just sex is almost as important as having sex and being in a relationship

[sean1234]

What kind? If it's a married relationship, I expect it, otherwise I don't.

[QuestionMan]

It is as important as the feelings you share for each other. It is essential to any relationship. That and it is a biological need.

[Roycaryn]

Depends entirely on the guy.

[KhaysunDei]

I will only have sex after marriage.

[Classicmusicguy13]

I really absolutely do not care about sex.

[JustPhillip]

Wait! people have sex in relationships?

[TheSpartan]

How important is food to sustaining life?

[Anonymous]

too important.