I (29) recently started seeing this guy (42), it was supposed to be a hookup situation, but we ended up really hitting it off. It is scary how we feel with each other. I haven’t had those feelings in 9 years. That was when I first fell in love, haven’t had that feeling since until now.
Last night at his, brushing my teeth I see a bright dyed red hair strand go down the drain. My hair is black & blonde. I thought it was probably his ginger haired cat, but too red. I look in the trash bin&there’s lipstick on a tissue, smudged eyeliner on another,&a pair of opened contact lenses. I wear contacts so I knew that meant someone had spent the night recently.
I asked him about it in bed. He was open&honest about it. She slept over just the night before me. He said they’ve known each other since they were kids. He admit they have slept together before a long time ago, the sex was bad, &that she has the keys to his place, she’s in an abusive lesbian relationship, she’s sometimes sleeps over once or twice a week.
I asked if they cuddled & if they slept naked.
he said not cuddling but sometimes one of their arms would be on top each other. He sleeps in his underwear and she sleeps in her shorts & tank top, no bra. He mentioned she has no boobs. But in my opinion, I don’t think guys care about that.
I asked him if we were ever to be in a relationship, would that stop? He was kind of vague about it. He mentioned he’s not going to cut her out of his life, that she’s like his sister and family. I told him I’m not expecting that if you 2are just friends, but I can’t handle that if we’re in a real relationship.
he asked why is that so important if they’re not sleeping together. He asked “is it the potential for sex? Is it because you don’t trust me?”
I replied with its the potential &that I also don’t know him that well yet&what he’s like around others.
he said I have nothing to worry about.
He is a bit worried I will reject him because of that.
Should I believe him?
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It is possible. Friendships between two people of the opposite sex are sometimes complicated. I would give him the benefit of the doubt.
I had a female friend and we never slept together but we used to hold hands at the movies sometimes and one night when I was really having a tough time she stayed with me and we slept together. We did not have sex, just stayed up most of the night and talked. I suppose my wife would take a prettty dim view of this friendship if I was doing it now.
I would believe they're just friends. Trust him until or unless he gives you reasons not to. And if your relationship with him solidifies, then you can more closely discuss what, if anything, the other woman does.
It seems unlikely they are not having sex of some kind.