Ladies, There is no such thing as a single, straight "guy friend". Dudes, back me up here...?

[rickjames155]

Alright, time and time again, I've tried to prove that some women are naive in the sense that they actually believe a dude, who is actually single and likes women, talks to them because they want to be "just friends". I believe this isn't true unless there are certain conditions: Either...

1) the dude is gay.

2) he doesn't find the female even remotely attractive.

3) he has a girl already.

4) he tried to holla at first but got turned down.

SO, my debate to any lady is that single, straight "guy friends" do not exist!

Women, do you agree or do you dare to dispute the truth? tell me why.

My Dudes, I know the majority has to agree with this and help a brother set this myth straight but maybe some of you disagree...Holla with your thoughts.

Updates

+1 y

Ok, lemme add one other condition as well as add to the fourth: 4) he tried to holla but is turned down likely because the girl is not interested or has a guy already. 5) his fear of rejection led to the "friend zone" and he couldn't get out of it.

[BehindTheEyes]

So if this is how guys think, I’ll tell you my situation and I hope you can tell me if my crush just want to be friends or more.

There’s this guy I met like 2 years ago at my brothers birthday party. He’s the son of friends of my dad and my dad’s been hoping I’ll end up with him ever since.

I immediately fell for him but after the party we lost contact for 2 years. Last summer we got back in touch and he was really excited to meet again but due to exams and stuff it was not until October at a party from his parents that we saw each other again. I asked him at the party if he wanted to join me and my friends to a concert and he did. 2 days later we went to the concert and we had a great time. I even ended up in his bed with him because my friend’s car was stolen and I couldn't get home. Nothing happened that night but I’d say there was definitely chemistry. A mutual friend told me he’s just shy and to go for it.

I asked him a week later if he wanted to do something and after a few hours he texted me back saying: if you have a good suggestion, I will consider it. Then it hit me that these feelings couldn’t be mutual. I suggested watching a movie we were talking about the other night but he didn’t respond. The next day still no answer and at midnight he said on msn: sorry I didn’t respond but I was with my friends (I believe you still can text someone when you’re with friends). So a month later I found out on facebook that he went to Spain with a girl that was obviously his girlfriend. Because no one has ever made me feel like he did, I couldn’t get over him.

We lost contact again and except on his birthday I texted him and he texted back that he’s gonna visit my new place very soon like he has promised months ago but he never did.

Now 2 weeks ago my dad texted me that his parents told him he’s single again. A few days later I said hi on msn and reminded him of the fact he still hasn’t seen my new place (I’m from Belgium and it’s like an apartment for students, but not a dorm).

I didn’t expect anything but then 2 days ago he suddenly said on msn: I’m at the train station tomorrow (which is right next to where I live), are you free? I told him I was and yesterday I saw him again after 8 months. I’m obviously still not over him but again nothing happened cause I’m too afraid of a possible rejection. The way he looks at me makes me feel there’s something more and we never his the friend zone. Now can you tell me if it’s worth the shot cause he’s giving me really mixed signals. Btw I'm really good hiding my feelings when it comes to things like this and just to protect myself I guess.

[Little-Hippie]

I'm thinking it's pretty safe to imply that he does want more than friendship and that friendship was not his original intent to begin with.

And besides, looking at you, I'm thinking most guys would probably have a pretty hard time being JUST friends with you as it is.

[rickjames155]

Idk...it sounds like the time you've spent with this guy came sparingly as is. I mean its possible he's feeling you, but ask yourself...you really want to be with somebody who is in and out of your life like this guy seems to be?

[BehindTheEyes]

Little-Hippie: actually I've a lot of guy friends but I hit the friend zone really fast. I make sure they know it's just friendship

and rickjames: yea I know, that's what I've been telling my friends the last couple of months. I shouldn't want him after what he put me through cause it drove me insane but when I saw him the other day I was blown away cause I didn't know my feelings are still that strong.

[rickjames155]

Yea, even so I'm sure you don't wanna be in a relationship with someone whos so temporary. where you're living can't decent dudes can't be that scarce lol., are they?

[BehindTheEyes]

Trust me they are, well at least for me

i really have a problem with opening up and making myself vulnerable to guys cause I'm so afraid to get hurt again. the funny thing is that the only guys that approach me when I go out are the experienced onces.. really experienced like 10 to 30 years older than me and ALWAYS tourists lol. I'm also taller (5'10) than a lot of guys so yea it sucks

[Reeses-pieces777]

lol I read the first line 'the dude is gay' and lmao

um well. just to let you know, I'm one of those girls, who has a lot of guy friends and friends who are girls. I assure you that they don't hit on me. frankly, because I'm not physically attracted to any of them and furthermore I wouldn't befriend them if I knew they were going to constantly hit on me. sure, some of them are my closest friends; but they are mostly bitter about past relationships and healing, older than me or just as busy as I am in school and we help each other out on assignments or whatever.

lol so I dispute this claim, I do not verify that it is 'truth'.

my reason that I dispute this is due to my experiences. ^_^

[Vyxzuw]

The issue isn't whether or not a guy can be friends with a girl. The issue is whether the guy would say no to you if you wanted to be more than friends.

For instance, if you approached one of them and said you wanted to start dating would they say no? Obviously as you said, you would say no if they tried to ask you out.

[rickjames155]

Well ok then lol, condition 2 or 5. likely a lot of them dudes aren't interested in you either, or they wanted to holla but already saw you weren't interested in them. how much you wanna bet the majority of those guy friends fell into one of those catagories?

[Reeses-pieces777]

Well, then if you put it that way, then yeah, there is always the possibility of that happening. but I try to screen out guys I know are just in it to hit on me. I like a guy friends who don't make me worry abotu that sort of thing lol.

[Vyxzuw]

What you said about being friends with guys who you think are not interested is sort of the point.

Guys are willing to befriend girls who they are interested in and are interested in them. If it just develops into a friendship, fine.

Girls tend to put guys into two categories.

Or another way of putting it. Why would a guy not want to date you if you are so close to them?

[Anonymous]

So you are really telling me that there is a good possibly that this guy who is a friend of mine...might actually be interested in me?

I like him...and I can't tell if he would be interested in more...

Once your "friendly" with someone...it becomes hard to decipher their feelings...

[rickjames155]

It depends on a few things...did he initiate your first convo? was he single at the time? did he wanna know a lot about you? does he not discuss other women with you or seek advice?

these are all questions that'd answer that for you. quite possibly, at some point he could've jus settled for being friends if you've known him a while.

[Opinion Owner]

Well I am confused because I really thought he may be starting to like me more....and everything. We were spending plenty of time together, he was asking for my opinion on stuff...I met his family....but now he hasn't contacted me for four days. So I am kind of like...what the heck..DUDE!? I mean he is probably busy, but it may also mean that he is not really into me afterall....

[rickjames155]

Well I meant does he seek advice on women other than yourself lol, because that'd pretty mucha red flag. but if he hasn't asked you out likely he's scared to or you haven't peaked his interest to that point, yet....it takes a little seduction on ur part to get us guys to notice sometimes.

[Opinion Owner]

I knew what you meant and no, he does not ask me about other women, but I am upset that he hasn't bothered to contact me in four days. His lack of interest in wanting to talk to me right now is showing me that he does not have feelings for me....that's what I meant....

[rickjames155]

Thats no big deal, people have finals an whatnot around this time, I myself only talk to this girl I'm starting to date like once, maybe twice a week and that's just to make future hook up plans. but relax because 1) you guys aren't even together lol and 2) you don't have to call somebody everyday to show you're interested in them. So, call him if wanna talk that badly, ask him out while you're at it lol.

[Vyxzuw]

I agree, sort of.

A guy will work at trying to build a friendship with a girl when he's interested in her.

However, that doesn't mean that a guy won't allow a friendship to develop with someone he isn't interested in.

For instance, let's say you work with a girl as part of a team. (Say you are at a company and you and this girl are working on a project or whatever.) If this was a guy, you might become friends. (Or at least work friends.) The same can be said with a girl.

Also, some guys may become friends with girls that while they find attractive, they are not interested in a relationship with for some reason. Say they are both very political but from different sides. He won't want to be in a relationship, but finds her intelligent and fun to be around.

But, if the guy makes an effort to talk to you first, then he is interested. Plus, we're guys. Even the girls we are not interested in but are attractive we still think of in that way. We may not take you up on anything if we're more of a relationship minded person...but we could be persuaded easily...Any arguments go out the window as soon as anything starts happening...(Like kissing...)

[rickjames155]

Well exactly son, I'm saying honestly no dude would want to carry on a friendship with a chick unless there's at least one of my reasons behind it. And what you said can go under condition 3 , he doesn't find her attractive in some aspect. But still there was something that drew him her, perhaps on a subconscious level too...

[Vyxzuw]

Son? I'm older than you you know. :)

And no, guys will carry on a friendship with a girl regardless. Why lose a friend?

I agree that a guy will not work on developing a friendship unless there is a reason to.

If one occurs because of circumstance (they work together, they have a common friend or whatever) then yes, he might not be interested. Same with if the girl initiates friendship.

However, guys are less likely to be unwilling to be more than friends with a current friend.

[rickjames155]

Son is just like saying Dude , we're both grown men lol but anyway...

I don't get where we disagree lol. Of course you can have lady friends at work, in fact I myself have lady friends at work, but I advise any guy to steer clear of work romances anyway, something goes wrong then you have to see the girl at work everyday, not good...

[Little-Hippie]

This is all pretty true.

I don't go to attractive girls and try to initiate friendships.

most of my female friends consist of girls I'm not attracted to.

If a girl that I'm into only wants friendship, I don't play "let's make a deal" with her.

I go about my business.

I DO have a few VERY attractive female friends that I wouldn't consider dating,

simply because there are traits about them that I simply find too undesirable in a girlfriend, but make no difference as a friend.

[rickjames155]

Testify my across the seas brotha! That's EXACTLY how I do too lol, and its what I'm tryna convey to people.

[Ivan_Nas]

i think your right , I mean most of the time a guy becomes friends with a girl because he wants to date her or at least he can see him self dating her , even if he didn't ask .

but somtimes you become friends with a girl without pursuing it , it just happens and that's a rare situation

[Camilus]

I'm not gay and I have been friends with hot girls before, but I agree with you on #4 in the sense that if they would have one night ripped off their clothes and said "take me Camilus, take me NOW!" I would have said "damn straight." haha

[rickjames155]

Lol well my dude, that's the point! I don't see how girls step to me talkin bout they have mad "guy friends" without meeting at least "one" of those conditions na mean? Especially the good lookin shorties lol. I laugh at them at them like please...at some point an time, all them dudes wanted to holla at you, you were jus too nieve to notice...

[leedamas]

I think there a such thing. I have one guy friend who's like my big brother, he can be a pervert at times and we have had sexual experiences but we have always been basically brother and sister. And he's single has been for about 7 months.

[rickjames155]

Well sure, now... what about when he first met you? and anyway u've had "relations" with the dude already..ur case doesn't really back ur claim lol

[A-Soldiers-Wife07]

I've had LOTS of straight guy friends through my years. Some to this day are still my friends. It's like saying girls can't be "just friends" with men or else she's a lesbian *rolls eyes*

[Vyxzuw]

It's not a matter of whether guys and girls can be friends. (Especially if the girl is already taken.)

The question is whether these guy ONLY want to be friends.

Also, whether girls seek to be just friends with guys is not the same thing. Girls tend to try to develop social networks.

Ask yourself. If you were single, and had approached one of these guys for a date, would they have responded they only wanted to be friends?

[rickjames155]

No, I'm sayin how many of those guy friends started out wantin to just be your "friend" lol. besides you seem to be spoken for anyway lol, so that falls under condition 5, sorry if I added that later than your comment.

[A-Soldiers-Wife07]

Your just making excuses now. Your giving any and every reason why guys can just be friends with women, no matter how irreasonable or irrationable it is. Your finding ANY reason to shoot down why a guy can't just be friends with a girl. News flash....adults can. Time to grow up sweetie.

[rickjames155]

Lmao sweetie, I seem to notice I'm a little older than you, why you're takin it all personal idk, its all love and I respect your opinion.

[A-Soldiers-Wife07]

Oh I'm not offended in the least. But you being older doesn't mean you act your age. My husband is 27 (almost 28) and I swear he's more my kid than my husband most of the time lmao!

[jbballgurl]

you are right...the more guys I hang out with the more true your statement becomes!