Questions: Relationships

I feel you... hope you are going to be alright

here's how athletes and rockstars cheat.

1. Have a girlfriend

2. Act exclusive in public

3. Cheat behind the scenes

here's how i cheat

1. Have no official girlfriend

2. Dont promise anything to anyone (Matthew 5:33)

3. Have sex like I'd eat food when I'm hungry

Personally, I've noticed a habit of mine is that I will download and uninstall Tinder routinely, say every few months, and particularly when my S. O. and I are fighting a lot or are in a bad place, and I'm just super frustrated with her.

I am somewhat thinking, "Here are the other possibilities. Maybe they would not be so frustrating."

And sometimes I also get cocky and narcissistic like, "I'm worth so much. I bodybuild naturally, six pack, 5'11 close enough to '6, and I have a classy tech job in Cybersecurity, and I'm focused on infinite personal growth spiritually, mentally, physically, intellectually. I have ~~~ size, if you catch my drift. I'm giving. I do the housework on top of it, and I have a good mixture of feminine and masculine characteristics. I started going to therapy to get better, too, because I can get irritable. I'm soft when need be and hard when fun or needed. And, I constantly get better. What is she really bringing to offer that I can't find elsewhere?"

I know it's fucked up, but it's just in those moments when our relationship is super stressed. I always come back and fix it, and she always ends up open to conversing, going on 3 years.

We both love each other, but this pattern keeps playing itself out. We always fix what gets broken. We rupture, but we also repair, and I think long-term that's what relationships are all about: being able to repair.

Fundamentally though, I'm wondering at what level of "microcheating" or just how damaging my actions would be, and whether I need to work on changing that. I feel a bit guilty, but also not. To me, it seems just a bit more than looking around at other people in public. Like, hey, there's an attractive person I'm going to glance at for a moment.

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/E3opXI32VVs