Long story short. I love my friend of5 years. She is a teacher at the University and slightly older than me. Even though I dearly love her I pray for her to have a good man as a husband and someone who would be kind and loving enough to her. But I fear I will lose her. I don't want to lose her. I think about her sexually sometimes even though she wear a hijab and is very religious. She sometimes tells me about her life and sometimes I reach out to her. Secretly I wish I could just have her in bed but I also feel like I am not worthy of her. And I call out her name during night and I am so confused.
I want her but I also want her happiness 😊. I feel bad when she tells me she is single. I want her to be in a relationship but I get confused. I want her to never suffer ðŸ˜. I skip a heartbeat if I don't talk to her in more than a week. Sometimes she tells me to stop texting that's why I avoid but deep down I feel she knows I love her but she being slightly older than me understands that I can't have her. And she is also very protective of me. About what I am doing whenever I talk to her. Is it love that I wish she was in bed with me but I don't ever imagine her being naked. I mean I can't see her name. My mind won't let me see her in anything lewd. But I still want her. I wish I could kiss her hand and she par my head with it 😇. Also I wish we hugged but not like girlfriend or boyfriend or husband or wife but I still feel I want her intimacy. Sometimes she is talking about stress and I feel she should loosen up with her conservative image. She deserves a good life.
What should I do about it?
P. S telling my feelings is of the table. I know she knows I love her but she can't be with me as a wife. She wants someone older than her. I know if she asked me to become a human chair I would do it
