Gfs friend has been a pain for ages, just said in an awkward way he doesn't like me, advice?

[robstefan2023]

Till now I kept having a feeling that my partners friend didn't like me, he kept on only calling/interrupting us when we were spending time together. Kept telling her that I hate him without any reason or anything to back it up, would never invite me out, but I would invite him and would always change dates or not come out if I was there and a lot more

My girlfriend messaged her friend recently about why he didn't come to her birthday recently and finally believes me that he is causing a lot of drama on purpose/not including me in things.

His reply was about me saying something about him. Which she was with me, so told him that wasn't true. His reply was to say hmm but I remember it that way. When she told him no again and when she said I was making an effort including inviting him out. He ignored it... and changed the subject. But originally tried to make it that he didn't want to see her and hasn't been nice due to not liking me. Which he had been lying to her all this time till now about.

She said she needs to speak to him about him disliking me... he didn't even disagree with it... just said ok.

So after we spoke, she apologised and said I'm so sorry I can't believe he has been acting that way with you, you must have been feeling helpless for a while... I can't believe he lied to me about not liking you... I can't believe he has been so petty to not meet up at all, she then went on about how she has always been there for him, wouldn't do the same to him and how she notices she has to keep changing dates and he doesn't even try anymore and couldn't be bothered to try for her birthday.

So she is off tomorrow to have a coffee with him, tell him that she feels like he isn't being a friend at all recently, ask him why he can't be bothered to take time recently to see her just because she stopped listening to his crap and then tell him either he accepts me as her boyfriend and starts respecting me or their friendship is going to end

Will he cause issues in the future?

[LazerBean]

Of course you will keep causing problems in the future, if he is able to at all he will continue to. He's not just going to magically change just because she told him to. There is no reasoning with a toxic person. And quite frankly, the fact that it took your girlfriend so long to even recognize what a toxic person her friend was is a bad sign on her as well.

[LazerBean]

Of course he*

[robstefan2023]

I thought you said me for a moment x. x haha and that's exactly my issue... I'm worried that he is just going to try again and she won't realise or will make excuses again...

well she replied with Nah if he's saying he'll 'act civil '
That's not enough
I need confirmation that he's going to make an effort
AND proof over time
I honestly don't feel sorry for him anymore like I really don't
But if he's lying
And the next time we meet he's actually the same way.
He's gone!
But I see it now
I actually see his behaviour
And I'm not going to accept it
I felt like I was so consumed by worry that I couldn't see otherwise
Now it feels like things are clear

Guess all I can do is trust in her word... and hope he doesn't do it again?

[LazerBean]

Indeed. I would just go with it for now. But I would also set a three strike rule. If she lets him get away with anything three times, I'd be done with both of them.

[robstefan2023]

See I'm at the point where I don't want to even give him another chance... he crossed boundaries already multiple times and caused a wedge in our relationship a good few times... I'm already at the point where I can't deal with it anymore... and my girlfriend is giving him another chance...

[robstefan2023]

She cut him off fully last night, told her that I would rather she settle things with him over the phone. She messaged saying he needed to apologise to me for treating me a bad way and it wasn't on and for being a crap friend to her. He came back with some crap about me saying something again, turned out me and her argued on the phone, while he was next to her he listened in and took on his own accord that I said something about him. she said I already told you it didn't happen and that argument had nothing to do with you and was an argument between me and my boyfriend. He came back with ok well it was a misunderstanding then but I have nothing to apologise for. She said you've treated my boyfriend badly, treated me badly and you can't apologise for a misunderstanding, you've caused issues in our relationship over a misunderstaning over something that he got wrong and kept assuring her that he did like me before coming out and admitting he hadn't. He said I'm not going to be blamed for your relationship issues, I'm the one who deserves an apology from you and your boyfriend for causing issues with your argument you had and I think I have to rethink our whole friendship (tried to make himself out as the victim and said he was waiting for her and me to apologise) she realised tonight he wasn't a friend, that he actually didn't like me, is selfish etc. and finally cut him off without a second thought, it's finally over. But my god the guy is a piece of work, never met someone so selfish and toxic

[KrakenAttackin]

@LazerBean. Well said

[LazerBean]

@KrakenAttackin thanks

@robstefan2023 that's good to hear, glad y'all finally got rid of that person.

[robstefan2023]

Well I ended up getting a piece of information further after all this and I'm wondering if I should ask further or if I'm just being paranoid now... After all this drama, my girlfriend told me the guys ex ended up accusing them of cheating due to my girlfriend and the friends closeness... its worried me a bit as they were of course extremely close and the guy got possesive/jealous of our relationship.. its possible maybe he caught feelings I thought... but when she was explaining it to me, she said it over and over like 7 times, said she hopes I believe its not true etc. But if there is nothing to hide/question, why keep saying it over and over. Am I being paranoid at this stage?

[KrakenAttackin]

Bruh, he is her backup for when she dumps you. Don't tolerate this orbiting Beta, tell her to dump him or fuck off.

[robstefan2023]

She cut him off fully last night, told her that I would rather she settle things with him over the phone. She messaged saying he needed to apologise to me for treating me a bad way and it wasn't on and for being a crap friend to her. He came back with some crap about me saying something again, turned out me and her argued on the phone, while he was next to her he listened in and took on his own accord that I said something about him. she said I already told you it didn't happen and that argument had nothing to do with you and was an argument between me and my boyfriend. He came back with ok well it was a misunderstanding then but I have nothing to apologise for. She said you've treated my boyfriend badly, treated me badly and you can't apologise for a misunderstanding, you've caused issues in our relationship over a misunderstaning over something that he got wrong and kept assuring her that he did like me before coming out and admitting he hadn't. He said I'm not going to be blamed for your relationship issues, I'm the one who deserves an apology from you and your boyfriend for causing issues with your argument you had and I think I have to rethink our whole friendship (tried to make himself out as the victim and said he was waiting for her and me to apologise) she realised tonight he wasn't a friend, that he actually didn't like me, is selfish etc. and finally cut him off without a second thought, it's finally over. But my god the guy is a piece of work, never met someone so selfish and toxic

[KrakenAttackin]

@robstefan2023. That's good but somehow I suspect you haven't heard the last of him.

[robstefan2023]

No, told her for the relationship to work and move forward he's not coming back into our lives after he knowingly tried to destroy it and treated her like crap as well, if he comes back in anyway we can't continue as a couple as im not going to be looking over my back or worrying about this guy causing issues and i deserve more respect than that as a partner after everything, she agreed to it, apologised for not believing that the guy has been a pain for not liking me these last few months and that she didn't deserve him doing that to her for any reason at all and didn't deserve treating me like that. She said as she had known him for 6 years, he took his word, he kept making it out as if I was the one that disliked him and she she was blinded by trusting a friend who she thought was a friend. He just screwed up massively when he admitted to disliking me and causing issues as he simply misunderstood something and tried to use DARVO to make himself the victim. To be fair I'm more happy it's over and can just move on, she cut him off, we are both putting him in the past and just moving on.

[KrakenAttackin]

@robstefan2023. OK, well done.