Virginity vs purity?

[Anonymous]

I used to pride myself in not giving in to sexual sins. I was not even remotely interested in dating. Needless to say, I met someone. I have kept my virginity but I feel I have crossed boundaries and now I feel so filthy, so impure. I broke up with him after 6 years and I find myself wanting to touch myself most times. How can I get over this shame I'm feeling along with this lustfulness.

Updates

+1 y

Thank you for your opinion.

[Seaohtoo]

I think virginity is a harmful concept, and you need to forget about it. There is value in not having sex, but you're going to be very hurt and disappointed if judge yourself by whether you have or haven't had sex before.

What I'm trying to say is: don't focus on this imaginary thing called virginity, and start thinking more about not having sex under sinful circumstances.

You're giving off a Christian vibe, and it's common for Christians to emphasize some sins over others. It just doesn't work that way. Everything that removes us from God is sinful. That includes lust, but as humans, we are simply not with God. We can accept forgiveness, but until we are with God, we are sinners.

Lust diverts our attention from God, but so does shame. Your overall mental and physical health is way more important than avoiding sex or masturbation. I'm not saying you should go fuck every willing guy you meet, but think about how any action affects your relationship with God. Also, since we are talking about something as powerful as lust, err on the side of caution, please.

[guydudemanmale]

All people sin don't dwell on mistakes you have already made just work to do what you feel is right in the future. I am a Christian male and impure thoughts about females and masturbation is one of my main struggles. Abstinence has positive effects and when you share that special moment with someone you are married to it will mean more not just a good feeling for a few moments

[Don1892]

It doesn't have positive effects. Sex does. Dont distort truth for your own gain.

[OhMyLeniency]

If you are religious think "God sees it all"
Stay away from whatever is triggering this temptation e. g flipping through his pics on facebook. Once you get this temptation you must distract yourself with anything like a TV show.
If you have not had sex everything is fine, masturbation is something everyone has done at some point just dont do it again.

[Don1892]

What a twisted individual you have to be to tell her that.. m

[OhMyLeniency]

@Don1892 ?

[Don1892]

Everything is fine whatever she days how fucked up do you have to be to tell her not to masterbate?

[JamesHigginbotham]

I'm assuming that you care and love for God. If you do this man for 6 years why did not go to a marriage? Then again that's not your question. If you believe it's wrong then don't do it it's that easy. You have to supplement it in your life if you want to get off perhaps you should go work out instead. The desires for those things that you think are sin put something good and its place. Grow yourself from it turn the desire into something more productive.

[Asker]

I guess I just wasted my time. I thought he was the one. I was more lonely than anything else. His career, friends and family was more of a priority

[JamesHigginbotham]

I'm sorry to hear that, but commonly people seem to do that these days. They want somebody that they are for quick access or to fill their loneliness. Purity is never lost in a mental or spiritual aspect you can always go back maybe not like before that you can always see you in and understand your value. And you may honestly no more now and I many aspects of your life have a greater value than you ever did before. Everything we go through can either grow us or knock us down. Like a fruit trees pruned to Bare greater fruit so is the pain that we take in life that we might bare better fruit

[the_legitbacon]

I'm not going to throw a religious sermon at you, but my belief is that no one can lose their purity, of it feels wrong than don't do it. If you can't stop than figure out why. Regardless, you have nothing to feel impure about. I always keep a piece of paper in my wallet that says "pure" so that I don't convince myself otherwise.

[bigbang101]

You look like you have been pure for a long time until you ate of the fruit of Eden. Repent and believe the good news, the Spirit of the Lord behold is suddenly upon you.
Plus go see a psychologist and tell them your problem. They might help you! But don't let them tell you that it's normal... it is not! Your pure state is normal. Since we are living in a perverted society, we can no longer differentiate between what's right and what's wrong. How r u gonna describe a society where pornstars are celebrities. Try becoming the person you were in the beginning of your life... I was like you, until some guy taught me how to masturbate and now I'm suffering like hell. Plus recently I was diagnosed with depression and OCD from excessively touching myself... Peace!

[OrallyFixated]

A psychologist will tell her masturbation is normal. And the one who diagnosed you, did he tell you your OCD was from excessively touching yourself? Or did you make that connection yourself?

[bigbang101]

He told me... why should I make the connections?

[OrallyFixated]

Because I found it interesting that you made that claim, so I looked it up. I didn't find any information that shows masturbation causes OCD, not that I thought I would, but I have been surprised before.
Seems the medical community doesn't agree with what you were told.

[bigbang101]

You r searching in the wrong places! Plus you have already made up your puny mind... so you won't understand. Get a life stupid girl...

[bigbang101]

Plus abstain from giving wrong advices to people. It's better for you... 😂

[OrallyFixated]

By all means, direct me to the right places. If I had already made up my mind, I would not have bothered looking, which I continued to do after my post. Not sure why you felt the need to be insulting... well that's not true, I do in fact know why people choose to insult and put down those who disagree with them. But we don't need to get into that at this point.
And just out of curiosity, what wrong advice did I give that I should refrain from?

[bigbang101]

You advised her that masturbation is normal yes? And you also claimed that a psychologist will tell her the same. Even i was assuming this before I personally went to one and they told me that it's not normal...

[bigbang101]

https://youtu.be/z-1XMUAsQCw

[bigbang101]

I'm not saying she has OCD. I'm saying I have OCD. She might have something else or maybe she has the same thing as I do... Anyways she should pay a visit to the doctor... it would be better for her...

[OrallyFixated]

Right! Nothing in the video says anything about excessive masturbation being the cause of OCD. What it says is, it's a symptom of OCD. Meaning the OCD is already there, but in your case, and others, it manifest itself as excessive masturbation.
And yes, masturbation is normal. It can be a problem when done excessively, just like anything else. But the act itself is a normal, healthy activity.
Thank you for leaving the insults out of your response to me this time.

[bigbang101]

You didn't read the girl's problem properly. She is saying she can't stop herself from touching herself... I saw myself in that statement so I assumed it might be OCD. Never the less she must see a doctor and tell them everything...

[Zelian12]

The use of religion to control female sexuality is a ancient means of ensuring certainty of paternity. There’s nothing wrong with masturbation or sex between consenting adults, especially if they’re in a relationship.

[Juxtapose]

Look at it this way question asker.. are you actions hurting anyone? Of course not! There's nothing wrong with feeling good and you're not any less of a person for doing so.

I used to think like you but when I broke out of my prudish nature, a lot of doors opened for me. Casual sex even is perfectly fine, if anything you're doing a good deed by making someone feel good.

Will people call you a "slut?" Sure, but they're either jealous or brainwashed.

[20yearsolder]

Touch yourself. Rubbing the outside does not take your virginity. Play with your nipples. I understand you were raised being taught about lustfull thoughts, I promise you nothing will happen if you do it.

[manthan69]

It is not feeling about lustfulness. Don't be rude for yourself. I'm not saying that being virgin is not good but my point is that if you wanna loose it with right person then it's not wrong.

[Thinkthought]

It's natural to masturbate. There's nothing wrong with it. Sometimes you need to do it to feel relief. You'll find that it will help stop your "shame" and "lustfulness".

[Don1892]

Im sorry people have fucked you over so badly you think masterbating is wrong or sinful. The way to get over it is to masterbate amd have fun.

[guydudemanmale]

To say abstinence has no positive effects is idiotic or only having one partner for life. No chance of getting pregnant or getting someone pregnant, no chance of getting stds. I did not say sex is bad but waiting till marriage definitely does no harm

[Don1892]

Well every psychologist would disagree with you because you are wrong. It does a lot of harm. You dont even know what you like sexualpy if you do that.

[guydudemanmale]

What harm feel free to give examples because I did

[Wesley_5577]

And this is the damage religion does. Sin isn't real. There's nothing to be ashamed of

[Redstang88]

What Wesley5577 said. Forget your brainwashing, do what you want.

[jacquesvol]

impure through ideas or through action?

[Asker]

Both

[jacquesvol]

Then you're a 'normal' person now. Learn to live with it.
(Peter pan didn't exist in reality, only in a book)

[con170]

all you have to do is forget and move on

[BleepRawrsaurus_Rex]

Nope

[Tyberius]

Have sex