Okay, I had depression for many years on and off but lately I feel this way after my heartbreaks and difficulty in family life. I don't have economic problems though but I feel why doesn't God take my life. I feel I will turn to sin and end up locked out of hell.
I like to marry a beautiful girl which I don't think can happen. So, I feel like I should get a hookup or friends with benefits or an affair with a girl even if I can't marry her. I have had near death experience and I feel I will become something evil and sin. So, I feel my life's journey is supposed to end instead of living this long that I lived.
Why doesn't God take my life away and give my soul a chance to enter heaven or at least look at them.
About myself: I am a Muslim. I haven't drank or smoked or go to prostitutes ( even though I want to be with girls around me just for company). I am losing my mind about it. I try to get my mind occupied with songs or prayers or talking to friends and it's not making me feel better. I feel my life was spared by the God but I don't see the light.
I want to be around girls, I fantasize about 2 lovers both happy with me in the same room. I feel so wrong thinking like this. I feel I should just give in to lust. Every time my life is spared by God. Isn't it cruel that I don't think I can hold myself from sin and lust and God still saves my life through others.
Is it God's way of saying, "You're being saved so I can send you to Hell later".
I hope people can tell me what is wrong? Have I fallen off? What am I doing with my life? I have become overprotective of others but I have stopped caring for my own life. I feel I will cheat on the wife. I will end up turning my daughters into nudists and I think I will be sinning a lot. I just feel painful thoughts lately. I am feeling more and more attracted to promiscuous girls and I feel I don't know how to be strong willed.
PLEASE HELP ME!
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Your problem is three fold, kiddo.
Firstly you have a mental condition. So you're pretty fucked in the head, and how you're thinking as well as what you're thinking. This means you can't rely absolutely on your own thoughts and processes.
Secondly your education and understanding of faith, belief and religion are on a kindergarten level. You need to concentrate on yourself first and foremost at this point.
Thirdly your lack of social skills and personal skills due to mental illness is more why girls are put off a crazy like you. You probably smell as bad as you think. Get the right medical help for your mental condition and things will improve for you. Then you can work on your religious and social skills as well as your personal development.
First, no mental condition as you are trying to imply.
Second, how do I do that?
Third, it's not my social skills I am socially comfortable. The point is I want something different which is seen as sinful and if not sinful just awful in the society
I bath everyday.
Maybe you are bi-polar. Have you sought medical help?
I got checked and they said depression.
My point is something different. Why do I have these thoughts all the time where I want to be with girls that are beautiful and nice to me like lovers. Not ugly prostitutes.
Then I feel guilty about my life and my lustful thinking and feeling
I feel I am turning on the sinful path. A crossroad for me really
It sounds like you are depressed because you feel guilt over imagined failings. Sin isn't real. No one knows what God likes or abhors, or even if God is real.
Ignoring what you have been told that you should want, what do YOU want?
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