Older people, is life full with pain or does it get any easier?

Question

Or do we get used to this pain as we get older?  If not, how is it possible to live so long?

BoopBoopBeep · Accepted Answer

Pain means I'm still alive. And maybe just as importantly, it means I lived.

Some people go their whole lives and never know the pain of heartbreak. I think about the many glorious women I've said goodbye to over the years in countries around the globe. Most of them on a plane. Some of them in the ground. Certain lifestyles exact a heavy toll. Every one still hurts a little, but every one of them has allowed me to love a little differently and perhaps, if I'm lucky, to love a little better.

In 3rd grade you ask the cute guy/girl to have lunch with you. He/She says no and you're devastated. You swear you'll never love again and it's not worth it. F it all. You're done. Until you're not.

Then in 8th grade science class the transfer student across the room gets your attention. Your eyes lock and she holds it too long to not get caught by her friends. She looks away and laughs, but a few seconds later is staring back at you with a half-smile and tucks her hair behind her ear. You spend the whole semester working up the guts to ask her out, and figure do it near the end of the year, so you can have summer together and if she shoots you down it'll be over soon. Two weeks before the end of the semester you convince yourself Monday morning, it's on. She's absent that day. And Tuesday. Wednesday too. Thursday your teacher announces that her family hit a buffalo over the long weekend in a freak car accident and she was brain dead. They took her off life support that morning. You think of what could have been, knowing most likely it wouldn't have played out in real life as it did in your head, but anything beats this. F it. You're really done this time.

Your high school sweetheart and you were meant for each other. You're not kids anymore, you're on the cusp of adulthood (haha, at least legally), and this one is for real. Until you go to different colleges because she couldn't get in to as many as you, and her first weekend there she cheats on you and stops taking your calls for a month until her friends dime her out. F it. Time to be done with this for real this time.

You meet a woman in college who moves the stars and the oceans in a way you never thought possible. She is everything in life you could hope for in a mate, and for some odd reason she's just enamored with you on a wholly undeserved level. 3 years later when you take her to the oncologist you learn the reason there is no "Stage 5" cancer. F it. You're not done yet.

The towers come down. You tell the woman in your life that you've grown so fondly of that it's time for you to go take care of stuff. She understands it's not going to be a routine journey, so you wish each other the best and go your separate ways. You wander how she's doing from time to time when you're curled up in your cave listening to the wind howl around you years later, but F it... you were done with just watching life from the sidelines.

You meet a woman that wears the uniform like a Valkyrie goddess and after a jaunt out of country, you realize she wears that cocktail dress even better. It's the one from the remake of The Thomas Crown Affair and you cannot keep your eyes off of her. It is one of the few times in life you have truly been speechless. You lose yourself in that time away from work, but you know it's limited time. Years later you find yourself in a bind. You turn to her for support because everything has gone, as we say in the business, "tits up." You're having a tense conversation with her at a cafe out of the way and tell her (against better judgement of others) what you're going to do. She says it's not going to work, you got burned, sit down shut up go home. It's a heated conversation but you're both well-versed in the game enough to keep your voices down.

You're going to get yourself killed.

If you don't help me, probably. So make sure I don't.

Or just chalk it up to a loss and go home, I'm not doing this.

If I don't do it nobody will. Then what happens. You know. I need you on this. I'm going to do it either way. I just ask that you be here, then.

Remember when I said we'd never work because you have the self-preservation of a goldfish?

This is what you meant. I know. I'm sorry. I need you. There's nobody else I can trust to ask. Please.

She tosses her water in your face and walks out.

A week later when you walk into the crosshairs she's there, and everything works out.

F it. That was taxing. You're so done.

For a while you are. Until that freak summer shower that evening where you'd struck up a conversation with a stranger at a wine bar. You're both caught without an umbrella, so you offer to use your coat as a cover for both of you. The plan is to walk to her car, 4 blocks away, then she'll drive you to yours. Six in the opposite direction. At block two, the rain is coming down sideways and the streets are flooding, so when her heel breaks and she twists her ankle you just carry her on your shoulders the last two blocks. When you get there and sit her down she fumbles in her purse for a minute before freezing and looking in the window. Her keys are in the seat of her locked vehicle, she looks at you like someone stole her puppy and she's clearly stressed and about to cry. Before she can say anything you lean in and kiss her, and she pulls you into a tight embrace. Never one to believe in love at first sight, you wonder what this is, and three days later when you do finally go your separate ways and return to daily routine you wander if that came close. Things progress, and before you deploy you offer to set her free since you don't know how long you'll be gone or how sparse commo will be. She says of course not, she'll be there forever. 8 months later you get her wedding invitation and it's clearly not your name on it. F it. Done with her.

Time and again you load the bird with your partner and go do your thing. It's platonic. She's maybe seeing someone? You can't remember. It wasn't relevant. You just know that missions suck a lot less when you've both gone 2, 3, 8 days without a shower, and sometimes you can't help but admit it's nice to have someone there. Over the next year those flights add up, and hopping from one shitehole to another is less taxing with her there. Finally the day comes when you know it's the last mission you'll have together. She's going home and you're going to go join up with a different group for a while. When you say goodbye at the terminal you both have a weird "do I hug or kiss" moment. You hug because you're pretty sure she's still seeing someone, but she looks disappointed afterwards. You know that you are. F it. Just another complication. Done with those.

Until you're looking at the wrong end of a gun by someone on your side who thinks you're somebody else. That's great, because that means you do your job well, but she's a getting a little overzealous and you're about to shut that ist down. While you're being detained she tells you she doesn't like your attitude and you tell her you don't like her lack of rank, and if she doesn't put her gun down she's going to get embarrassed. She asks what you said, so you drop the fake accent and say it in perfect English then give her contact information and authentication code to verify who you are. Watching the color drain from her face is priceless. F this self-important bitch. Four months later after she punches you one time you grab her hair at the base of her head and pull her into a kiss. Hard. When you pull away you sit her down on a bench. Wait. Her next punch you don't let land, but spin her around and bear hug her. Tell her to behave. Then she grinds up against you, looks over her shoulder into your eyes and says in the sultriest voice you've ever heard "it's more fun to misbehave. Let me show you"` Two years later you're talking about marriage. "After this deployment" you agree, but then something happens and you don't even recognize the person when you get back. You're the one that's supposed to be pretending to be someone else all the time and you wonder how you missed all of this. F it. F all this. F it sideways in the ear. You're done.

I could add a dozen more there. (Maybe just 8-10). Every time it hurts. I'm not even going to say it hurts less. The third bullet causes as much damage as the first and just as much pain (haha, so I'm told, they've never pulled a second bullet out of me). Scar tissue is tougher than unwounded flesh though. It doesn't tear or slice as easily. Life has made my heart so strong. How could I not be thankful for it.

The next one will hurt just as much I'm sure. F it. I'm done with wishing it wouldn't.

molonski2 · Accepted Answer

Heartache , becomes next to nothing , because you learn to adapt and just not believe in the fantasy , so its progression you just become more sceptical about everything , and you learn to trust only yourself.

Those who remain together do so out of necessity , or though just familiarity , or economic , I always say that no matter age , if you are not together sexually then you are not together , its just friendship.

Now , what generally happens sexually is that when women go though menopause , the vast majority loose interest in sex , whereas men can reproduce pretty much all of their lives , this is why the male must always be older , well certainly if you think has going to somehow remain faithful , this is just a fact of life , people like to think they are different but nothing is different , believe me , I just see it day by day by day here.

Whereas in theory women's fertility is 30 years with a 17 year old male , this only takes into account sperm v eggs , and would quite obviously all work in reverse , so all you can ever deal with is adaptation , and just make work what works.

Hence , coming back to the question , the pain is vastly lessened , everything changes and the idea of monogamy for life is well beyond human fantasy , it simply does not happen , those that work accept the adaptation.

Im 62 years old and still highly sexual , but the women are vastly younger , as they always have been.

provokeesmokee · Accepted Answer

You get better at managing heartache.

Remember back to when you were a kid. And something new happened, it could be a good thing or a bad thing. The result seems extreme!

A really good cake is mindblowing, a minor spat with a friend is devastating.

As you go through life, good cakes occur more often. You and your friends have more spats, but realize (hopefully) that forgiveness and closeness can be good and you work through your issues.

Same principal applies as you get older.

Hard weeks at work become more familiar, and while it still sucks, your capacity to withstand improves. Great things happen, but they're kinda familiar, so it somewhat hits less hard.

You'll get used to life. And if you're smart, you can learn to avoid or mitigate some pain.

But life is suffering. The trick is finding the beautiful in the moments when the suffering alleviates, and remembering that life comes in ups and downs.

I don't think life gets easier. We just get better at managing ourselves through life.

Lliam · Answer

Life has its ups and downs. Years pass and you don't even notice aging. It just happens.

It depends on how you live your life. If you're a happy person, have as much fun as possible, and appreciate all the good things along the way, you accumulate memories of some pretty awesome experiences. If you're fearful, uptight, inhibited, and focus on the negative, you'll be miserable.

What kind of person do you want to be, miserable or full of awe, wonder, gratitude, and joy?

I say live life to the fullest.

The same thing applies to relationships. I fell madly in infatuation (love) and always gave them 100%, knowing that they might not last forever.

I saw marriage as a one time thing; the most important commitment I would ever make. I had to be positive that I could spend the rest of my entire life with that person. I, myself, had to be wise and mature enough to be a good life-partner. I certainly wasn't ready to do that in my teens and 20s. But the way to find out was to get into a relationship and get to know them over time. If the relationship wasn't meant to last forever, separation resulted in all kinds of negative emotions, but life moved on. And I could look back at the wonderful, fun, joyful experiences, as well as life lessons, that occurred during the relationships.

I finally became ready to settle down and begin a new chapter. And I did find a life-partner. We've been happily married now for almost 26 years.

But when I look back at my entire life, I have wonderful memories, all the way from early childhood to today. In some ways, I am still 6, 16, 26, 36, 40, 50, and 60 years old. It's been an amazing journey and it's not over by a long shot.

Friendlybro79 · Answer

Life is what you make from it. I am older than you but don't consider myself old lol. If you want to find happiness and love you have to have that energy from within. You need to seek it and not wait for things to fall into your lap. (Not insinuating you're doing this. Just generally speaking.)

If your mind is framed to think of pain and disappointment that life has brought upon you, then that is what you're projecting into the world. Like energy attracts to each other. The opposite of the phrase misery loves company, which I believe to be true typically, is happiness loves company.

Which camp do you want to be in? Choose happiness, act happy, seek happy, find happy. Then you'll be saying why is life so short.

Levin · Answer

As one gets older one would hope one gets better at dealing with and processing pain. But it's never easy. One merely becomes more efficient at it.

However, with meditation, one is able to clear one's consciousness for the most part. I'm definitely a transformed person from when I was your age or younger! In fact, I feel much younger than my teens and 20s!

Andres77 · Answer

It gets easier because you realize that taking everything too seriously is just draining and you can’t fix it everything anyway. You will have narrowed down what is important and focus on just that. You will pare down your list of friends to just the highest quality ones. More bills will be paid off. You won’t waste as much time wondering because by then, you will know (enough). Lots easier.

Pudsmucker · Answer

I have arthritis in my hip joints and in my neck. I utilize a pain gel like voltaren, and essential oils to help ease the pain of the arthritis. I've had my right hip replaced. That's cut a lot of the arthritic pain down. I also use acupuncture and chiropractic Care. I do exercising like riding a stationary bike or go for a walk.

exitseven · Answer

Sometimes the baggage that you accumulate gets too heavy to bear. I think about things that happened that were bad and wish it could be different. I try to think of the good things that have happened to me. Sometimes it is hard to concentrate on the positive when so much bad stuff has happened.

RealMarek · Answer

There are good times and bad times. Sometimes there is terrible pain, but it usually gets resolved or less intense with time. There are bittersweet things in life, like the memory of a deceased loved one. How you react and what meaning you find in then has a lot to do with whether painful episodes drag you down or whether they strengthen you and add to the fabric of your life.

Sparkie460 · Answer

No it doesn't get easier. As you get older more people die, kids grow up and move out, there's more stress. You might get laid off from your job and have to find new work because you have more bills to pay

AviatorTom · Answer

You get cranky when you get older... there is limited heartbreak because you don't let it happen.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Life naturally comes with some pain but the decisions you make can literally fill your life with pain.

abc3643 · Answer

I'll quote Bob Dylan from "It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)": "... he not busy being born is busy dying."

andy530 · Answer

Both. There is pain but you get better at dealing with it/anticipating it/etc

dreamstar72 · Answer

I suffered with constant nerve pain in my left side since I was 17, so yes it get easier because I had pain like forever.

justabuddy · Answer

I have had my share of heart breaks. But Life would be boring if it was not for the ups and downs.

Anonymous · Answer

Oh yeah--it gets a LOT easier! A lot of the heartache pain is just related to getting you to have lots of sex and reproduce. That's really only a think when you're in your teens and 20s and 30s. It really starts to go away in your 40s.

Pete671 · Answer

It gets easier as you get more experience in dealing with it,,,

Anonymous · Answer

Most people as they get older master the art of not giving a fuck.

EaterPeter · Answer

There are good and bads then we die.

eagle1951 · Answer

you do what you have to, pain or no pain

Christoff92 · Answer

Depending on that person of a older age.

Charliefretz329 · Answer

You get used to it is all

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