Why when I longed to die, I am always saved by God?

So, the problem is all those young people around me keep dying my uncle's son and my servants children but my suffering doesn't seem to be ending. I am not in the best health to be surving all these years and yet I do. Why do I not get a break? I get heart break every year and stressed about work and my family problems

Why when I longed to die, I am always saved by God?
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