Has anyone turned to religion after failed therapy?

[Anonymous]

I've visited at least 3 psychologists in my lifetime, to date, and all of them have in some way been unable to fully address my issues with my family. I come from a dysfunctional broken home and left my first love 8 years ago. I haven't dated much, since then. I have, for the most part, relegated myself to a life of urban hermitude/solitude. Some have posited my ailments are the result of 'shit life syndrome' which is not remedial, whilst others suggest CBT and EMDR for C-PTSD. Lifelong depression is likely my destiny. My situation with my family is dire and I can't say for what reason... that I have considered studying a faith (religion) in tandem with therapy to remedy this life. What were your experiences with transitioning from atheism/agnostism/secularism to a faith?

[BCRanger10]

No, I have not. I have been an independently practicing Catholic since 2004.

This will be long, so please be patient.

While it is okay (and very common) for one to turn to God in the moments of greatest desperation and darkness and gain fruit from it, there are some very important things to consider, distinctions to be made.

First, religion and therapy ultimately have two different aims. Therapy is generally concerned with helping someone work through problems and to identify and heal those wounds (ideally, at least). While this is good on its own - and while there is a therapeutic aspect in religious faith - the aim of religious faith, Christianity in particular, concerns man's relationship with God. Essentially, there is a higher intent of religion than there is with therapy. Though there is some overlap between them, they are not the same.

Following from that, quite simply, there's to consider what happens if you do or don't get what you want out of it (also, what it would look like if you did). Say you turn to God, go to church regularly, and then there's a miraculous healing or overwhelming moment of grace and KA-BOOM, your life is wonderful. Would you continue to practice? Likewise if you went to church for years, prayed often and sincerely, and showed charity and kindness to others, but you still felt broken and wounded?

And lastly, you have to consider that God may heal you and your heart, but not in the way or in the time that you might want, think, or expect. In the Gospels, Jesus sometimes healed just by speaking a word. Others, He prescribed or performed some act. And still others, like the woman with the hemorrhages, simply came to Him with faith, touched His cloak, and was healed. He says that some demons can only be exorcised by prayer and fasting (Mark 9.29). There's not a one-size-fits-all method by which God heals and restores us.

I don't say this to knock religion, NOT AT ALL! Again, I'm a practicing traditionalist Catholic. I attend Mass regularly and have an active prayer life. And I'm also a certified Catechist (short version, I know things). I just want to manage expectations.

All that said, I can tell you that there are canonized Saints in the Church who've come from bad families. Saint Margaret of Castello was abandoned by her parents because of her disability. Saint Eugene de Mazenod's parents fought constantly and bitterly and also got divorced, which during that period of time (French Revolution era) was highly unusual. Saint Germaine Cousin is basically Cinderella. Many other Saints have suffered abuse, neglect, or infidelity by spouses or parents (and would you believe it, some even were themselves the abusive or unfaithful member, but had radical conversions; different story, but still relevant).

And I can also attest to the rich devotional practices and traditions of the Church, as well as her sacramental life, most notably that of Confession.

I think I've gone on long enough, and I'm sorry for throwing so much out there. If you want to discuss further, I'm happy to. God bless you, dear!

[BCRanger10]

Good grief, how could I forget Saint Dymphna, the patron saint of mental health issues and mental health professionals (and, for the record, whose father was also a REAL piece of work...)?

[Asker]

No, not at all BCRanger (your paragraph was an intriguing read).

I noticed you refer to the church using the pronoun 'her' instead of 'him' when so often God is usually mentioned in various bible's using the pronouns 'he, him, and his'—was there a specific reason for this?

Furthermore, thanks for demarcating the difference between therapy and religion in terms of what religion can and cannot do for a person in times of need; Religion may not be something to flock to when one is not in a good state of mental health with any expectation that it could cure anything unlike how God is capable. Therein it seems that God, if he is so willing, is more existent in the text insofar as spiritual salvation is concerned—not before then.

[BCRanger10]

Happy to help.

As to your question of the Church being referred to in the feminine? The Church has always been viewed as the Bride of Christ and has often been referred to as "Holy Mother Church".

As for your second comment? I didn't day that people shouldn't turn to religion in times of distress. Just the opposite in fact. Suffering and personal darkness can be an occasion for one to reevaluate their life and what's important to them, and where they are looking for fulfillment and healing. I was cautioning against viewing religion as a simple therapy mechanism that one easily forgets about after having received the grace and healing they had hoped for.

[nolabels]

I experience those types of issues and more and am at my wit's end with hoping for any further help from a lifelong association with therapy.

I was agnostic for most of my life, wanting to, but also fearing, to have faith.

About 5 or 6 years ago, I was able to summon a small amount of faith but have had much difficulty in growing that faith within me.

I think that there is much to be found that is good in the study of theology, but I've also found that much additional distress has come about from some of those studies.

I've found that basing all such study on the concept of love to be the only way that I don't feel condemned in some way.
If love isn't at the center of anything and everything, I dismiss it as being not divine.

I'm struggling mightily myself, this year especially, so take my words as coming from someone who is not extremely well-versed in matters of faith but take them as coming from someone who knows the struggle and is searching for the way out of the darkness.

Cheers to you.
I wish you the best.
Remember, love.

[WhitneySnow]

You sound like you’re really hurting. Religion isn’t going to help you unless you truly believe.

[nolabels]

@WhitneySnow

Thank you for your response.

Therein lies the rub.
It's not an easy thing to believe when one wants to believe and also fears to at the same time.

[GallopAcrossEurope]

No. My failed therapy sessions and attempts by my grandmother to turn me religious only made me lean into atheism/agnosticism further, and that I ultimately can't rely on praying to something out there to fix my problems. Understanding that most of my fate is in my own hands was pretty empowering and helped me knock myself out of my depressive state by understanding the more scientific and logical potential factors behind my depression: how my unhealthy diet, lack of skeep and lack of at least even minor exercise resulted in my major mood swings, and by remedying them I managed to pretty crush my depression and emerge much more satisfied with life.

[Asker]

I have experienced some improvement by improving those aspects of my life. I no doubt agree that some of my depressive episodes are due to these lifestyle factors, as well, however, those things aside, it doesn't entirely crush trauma.

[Billlewis]

No offense intended but never once in my lifetime have I been even remotely interested in religion. With I believe dozens of denominations around the globe, how could one assess which of them is. most favorable to practice?

But that's a secondary issue for me. The main reason for my staunch disinterest is the potential for complacency. 'Yeah, I'm not doing real well right now, but I'm gonna be 'saved'. This is an invitation for a person to take theit foot off the accelerator, and I refuse to succumb to that psychological tendency.

That's not to say that there aren't some very good qualities that one can potentially derive from it, but I don't need to fear being condemned to hades when I die, if I don't help that little old lady across the street; I can just as easily do it because it's the right thing to do.

[ohsheeT]

I would love to chat with you if you would ever like to talk DM me please... I have been through quite a bit in life and I've never. Let it hold me back for a long period of time anyway I stopped and I think about it and I deal with it and I look at things in a different way than most people because I see and I feel things deeper than most people but I would love to talk to you.

And just share some of my experiences with you to maybe help you get through a couple things all I can do is tell you how I see things and who I am and what I believe in I don't know if it would help you or not but I'm willing to share my words with you

[exitseven]

Okay- religion can be therapeutic but you need to be aware tht there are cults out there and it is very easy for people who do not have any real personal connections to get swept up in a cult because they finally feel connected.

[genericname85]

yeah. that's especially true for individuals who are suffering from addiction. religion is called opium for the masses for a reason. as far as i know, you can't actually beat addiction. you gotta channel your addiction into something else. some people become a workaholic, some go and work out like crazy every day. some choose religion. it's an addiction to replace a more harmfull addiction.

[Asker]

I'm unsure how subscribing to a religion might become harmful, except, maybe, when it concerns doing indecent things in the name of religion. I could never justify harming somebody if a priest or pastor told me to do it because supposedly God told them to tell me to do so. I might start wondering if the priest/pastor is schizophrenic and seek counsel elsewhere.

[Asker]

I mean there has to be a line drawn somewhere between devotion and pure crazy.

[Asker]

I figure, so long as I am not mentally compromised to the extent of foregoing my humanity to listen to such drivel nonsense, I could effectively push back and hold a faith professor accountable for indecency or intention to harm.

[Asker]

No new believer or known believer of some faith ought to be exploited for the private interests of a mentally deranged/twisted person in the foremost power of a religious body, especially when they are compromised (mentally). However, I no doubt believe there are cases of this happening all over the world and all too willing members crazy enough to not draw that line.

[genericname85]

Well that's exactly the issue with faith. You get rid of accountability and start blaming shit on an imaginary friend.

[Staximus]

You need some good friends. Isolating yourself just makes depression worse. It's a trap. You are dressed so you don't want to be around people, but isolating yourself just makes you feel worse. The best thing you can do is try to make a happy life for yourself. If you don't know how to do that then it's time to learn. I would recommend reading the books "Unfuck Yourself" by Gary John Bishop and "The Power Of Now" by Eckhart Tolle for starters.

[Asker]

Thank you for the recommendation. I just ordered both books.

[Staximus]

You're welcome

[nolabels]

@Staximus
Not to completely dismiss your suggestions, but I've read "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle as well as another of his works, the title of which I do not recall at the moment.
Although I have no disagreement with his theories and methods, I do feel that he is rather pompous in fairly consistently, or so it seemed to me, reminding the reader that they must not expect the results that Tolle himself has achieved because of his own years of pursuit of the subject.
It could be just my own sensitivities in noticing that, but I thought it worth mentioning for someone who is already in a delicate way.

It's good of you to make suggestions to help.

Cheers to you.

[Staximus]

@nolabels well the concept he's trying to explain is good, regardless of his delivery

[nolabels]

@Staximus
I agree.

[jshm2]

To be fair, if the car is wrecked; giving it a paint job isn't going to improve anything.

You are poor, destitute, and bordering insane. Those are things you need to address first, before trying to get on the straight and narrow.

[Asker]

I've never heard or seen religion referred to as a 'paint job' before. I won't deny that I am, in a very literal sense, poor, destitute, and, likely, already insane. Although the delivery of your paragraph probably could have been interpreted offensively, I am not much too foolishly proud to not admit that the state of my internal affairs is so. In recognizing I need to address those things first, I am wondering or on the fence about whether or not including religion in my life could bolster my therapy sessions.

[Asker]

I mean, the best thing to break out of insanity is to try something different than what hasn't been much effective in the past. Repeating the same procedure or process probably would indefinitely assure a clinically insane status.

[Asker]

I run the risk of being in a much worse situation doing something rather than nothing but I can't foresee what that potential problem would be. If I stay as I am, it doesn't make anything better than a potentially better state of affairs.

[ChicoFromThe305]

I always had my beliefs but it makes sense to me, I'd say do research on it, therapy might not work for everyone or make it worse for some, which i heard has happened.

[strateguy632]

I haven't. For you,

Don't do it because it is the wrong reason and you need professional.

[OfDeath]

Yes people have. But it won’t be the scripture itself which will help, it will be the sense of inclusion you get from the regular social gatherings. You could also try a sport or a club to get the same effect.

[Anonymous]

therapy itself is a problem

if they aren't willing to do it for free, then they don't care about you. period

[Luopio27]

There is kindness and then there's business!

I feel your message man!

[Asker]

Suppose there is a lot of truth to that but then again plenty of psychologists write books, create CDs, etc. which have a lot more info. that shows they do care about their clients' well-being. Maybe there just isn't much time or info. the client is willing to part with to be able to effectively address all the issues a client has. As a profession, it makes sense that these people would attend schooling and seek compensation monetarily for their service, but to assume that psychologists don't care about their clients because they don't provide the service for free seems unrealistic to me. A person doesn't attend x number of years to learn all such things to help people only to provide the service for free and be knee deep in debt.

[Asker]

I understand from where you're coming with this stance but unless the person is a family member, friend, or relative, that would offer their services for free, this isn't a realistic expectation to have of psycholists. It diminishes them and disregards the fact that they spent those monies and years for the sake of their clients. If somebody told you, "Hey, you ought to provide to me your service for free or else you don't care about me." Would you be able to say the same for yourself? Say you completed trade school in plumbing then came along a client who said this to you and they weren't anybody related or close to you, would you agree?

[Asker]

The very fact that a client wouldn't be able to take a shit because you (if you were a plumber) didn't care whether or not they would be able to, unless they paid you, rings eerily similar to a psychologist needing to get paid to listen to someone else's shit (problems).

[Asker]

The fact that these professionals sell you these books, CDs, etc. for a much lower price than a 1 hr session with them speaks volumes. They understand not everybody can afford a 1 hr session every week and if all it takes is for somebody to get off their ass and read a few pages or listen to a few minutes to what they have to say, then how can people say these professionals don't care about their clients?

[Asker]

These people aren't classed as doctors under Universal Healthcare to be seeing their clients for free. If a psychiatrist were on par with a doctor in that respect or monetary bracket, then they still wouldn't be classed as a psychologist. A psychologist isn't formally recognized as a doctor and doesn't have a medical degree to be similarly certified such as a therapist, counsellor, etc..

[Asker]

Some of the most fatal life situations are psychological and aren't medical to begin with yet so few people can afford these psychological services. BetterHelp has curbed that gap somewhat. If you're adamant that these services need to be free, then the government has to be able to somehow recognize the need to be able to class these services to be on par with Universal Healthcare and that's no easy task/feat. Keeping a population alive is more important to the economy than listening to Joe Schmoe talk about his wife behind her back to his therapist.

[Asker]

The psychologist can have their private thoughts that the man is a schmuck through and through but whatever the husband said would still be confidential much like how a doctor is tasked to keep the client's health portfolio under lock and key. These doctors are already bound to do so (keep private your health info.) on your behalf without needing to pay them if Universal Healthcare were a thing.

[Asker]

To add to all this, there simply aren't enough psychologists, therapists, counsellors, etc. around to service all of the US, alone, for the reason that it takes years to get to the point of becoming a psychologist and to be certified to practice. Very few even those who reach psychiatry.

[Asker]

Psychologists alone are like the table servers and hair-dressers everybody wants and needs; they listen to and diagnose and try to solve all your shit (problems) so yeah the fact that they have to get paid much higher than both aforementioned jobs makes sense. Nobody wants to listen to some stranger's shit on their downtime so the fact that this person is paid to on your dime makes a lot of sense.

[Asker]

So yeah, the very fact that this psychologist is like a sounding board to you for 1 whole hour is enough to make their heads implode. A stranger would probably give you a WTF? look and walk away within seconds free of charge by the way.

[Asker]

So, no, people are not entitled to free psychologist sessions when they could speak to their friends, family, etc. about their issues. However, nowadays, families are not as close as they once were and even speaking to family members necessitates a visit to a psychologist's office. It's taken as granted when these people who genuinely care about us listen to and provide support and advice and what not and yet that expectation spills over to the general public, so, no, sir, I disagree with that statement in the current times we live in.

[Asker]

I mean, yes, I need their service because I don't have my family to rely on in this respect but plenty of other people do. I'm not saying a family member or relative or other would be as schooled as a psychologist but the majority of problems are, again, related to people which is why so many people gossip, backstab, etc. as a social coping mechanism for the rot in their own lives; it's like a low-grade psychobabble session for these people. It's unkind, yes, but it is pervasive, and it's free negativism.

[Asker]

I was parentalized as a child, so my needs went unmet throughout my life and I placed it upon myself to be responsible for someone else's needs to vent for far too long. It took me a long time to come to this realization that still, to this day, that person expects me to be their sounding board and punching bag to their miserable life. I don't get paid one iota.

[Asker]

I stopped being my first love's pseudo-therapist years ago in the realization that I couldn't fix half of his shit. I couldn't speak to him about my issues much less complain or whine like a little bitch about the smallest things that I had to cope with. He didn't have to grow up like I did o account of the fact that his tuition was all but paid for and his life was pretty much set or laid out before him on a red carpet.

[Asker]

I had a right to be indignant about my circumstances... and all the more reason to whine/bitch/complain to whoever wanted to listen but life isn't free like that. At least, not for me. If you had a problem, you had to find some solution to it. Pronto.

[noohair]

I have had 3 different psychiatrists and I credit them with helping me, they guided me though the hard work that therapy is supposed to be. I 100% recommend psychotherapy. I have faith but the Lord helps those who help themselves.

[sean1234]

Turned to "religion"?

That's very vague.

[jahaims]

Plenty of people cope with religion

[kaucky1]

Religion not to fall into some volo got fulfilled

[Kellyamy]

My friend failed therapy sessions