Search Results: first love

I got in my first relationship weeks after I turned 18 and it was out of pity. I didn't really love or even felt sexual attraction to my first girlfriend.

she liked me however and at the time she recently got out of a very life threatening toxic relationship with an asshole who used to abuse her and assaulted her with every random household object he got his hands on. one night her family rescue her from his claws but unfortunately she got emotionally involved and when back to him days later.

he even returned with her that night she when back to him with a machete in his hands threatening her family that he was going to "chop her into piece" if they try to take her away from him again. lucky for her after that night the whole neighbor sided with her family and were able to rescue her from him and she never got emotionally evolved again. days later she found me and fell in love with me.

- therefore my good Gemini side felt bad for her and was telling me to get with her and show her what good man was.

- however my bad Gemini side in the other hand was tired of being an 18 year old incel so it was telling me "this is you best opportunity, why let it go to waste?"

till then it was the pity that I had for her that made me fall in love with her, but I never told her this and she probably knew either way. but I wonder if this would actually hurt a woman's ego, knowing that the man she's with is with her out of pity and not desire

I used to think it was better to stay single if you couldn't have the one you love but the older I get the more I like the idea of settling for someone I can learn to love

Simple question right? I will concede that falling in love with someone isn't 100% a choice, its a combination of attraction, and chemical responses. But continuing to love someone i believe is a choice.

Let me explain why i believe that.

Love needs to be nurtured. To maintain the relationship, you can't just expect the "Spark" to be there. Both sides need to make effort. Both sides need to do the things that maintain connection.

For example, Every morning when i wake up, i wake a half our prior to actually needing to get up so i can get extra cuddle time with my wife. When i come home from lunch i hug her, and tell her how much i miss her. When i come home at the end of the day i do the same, and then we cook together.. the important term here is Together. Hell even my furniture choices have centered around making sure that even when we are just watching a show together it means cuddle time. Additionally i took my grandfathers advice seriously, which was "Never stop dating your wife" So i make sure to do things like date nights, and spontaneous gifts, And by gifts, i mean things she's been wanting, to things as simple as chocolate. I tell her she's beautiful every day, and i tell her how much i love her every day. And this isn't one way, My wife does similar stuff for me.

Bottom line, if i chose to stop doing all of that, my wife would first think that there was something wrong, Then she would think that i was angry with her, and finally she would think that i dont love her. It would essentially kill the marriage.

Love, Marriage, And everything in between takes effort, Marriage is hard work, Its remembering to do the little things. Its making sure above all else that you have open lines of communication.

A lot of people fail to comprehend that, and i believe this is the reason for the horrific divorce rate.

See the following poem. it explains it quite well
https://hellopoetry.com/poem/1959983/love-needs-nurture/