Search Results: forgiving someone

To make it clear, I don't take revenge, because I think it kinda lowers my spirit and will be bad for me emotionally, so I just try to recover fast and let it go.
Seems like I can't completely let it go, because my husband has said to me things, that really hurt me and he said those things on purpose. I kinda forgave him.
Now some time later he has been experiencing major difficulties in life, he has some serious problems and is feeling down. I am supporting him and doing everything I can and should.
But I also remember times he let me down and feel satisfaction whenever I realize that now he might be feeling just as bad or even worse.
Now that I've put all this out I think I sound really shitty, but anyway, I'm open to any opinion da any advise if you one.

My boyfriend & I have been together for 5 years now, and we have had a fair share of ups & downs. At the beginning, he used to cause most of the issues due to insecurity or other things which I forgave him for & moved on from. Over time, I did individual therapy to get past old trauma and we went to couple’s counseling unofficially for a couple of months which both was extremely helpful since we do have communication issues.

Recently, we decided to go on a vacation & he decided that he wanted to go to Niagara Falls since he was picky about the destination. I created a google doc & everything for the trip to keep track of expenses & itinerary. Since I was in charge of the rental car, I got it, picked him up from the airport, & he had normal behavior. That ended when we missed a turn, & he advised me to do a 3-point turn to which the police pulled me over for. I blamed him immediately & he got extremely upset to the point he didn’t want to talk to me anymore even though he was still a little at fault regardless if it was my decision to do it.

Later on in the trip, he quickly realized he didn’t pack the right clothes so I gave him both of my jackets so he wouldn’t be cold. He tried to do the half sharing jacket thing, & I told him no since the jacket was wet & he got very upset again where he stated “you ruined the trip because of your attitude.” By the end of the trip, he stated how we’re “so different”, how he is unhappy due to thinking about all the bad things he’s done in the past to me, & wants me to be with someone better. I was shocked since I thought he moved on from it, & I advised him to start therapy since he stated he wasn’t sure what he wanted from life himself. He kept rejecting the idea of it stating how it wouldn’t help, but eventually agreed to try. I told him I didn’t want to break up since I personally wasn’t unhappy being with him & my happiness is my decision to which he said “it’s not about you, it’s me.” What do you think? We are long distance