Should I respond to someone who ghosted me and came back after three months to apologize? If so, how?

Question

Things were quite up and down between us and moved at a very quick pace physically and emotionally but then he started going through a mentally tough period which caused issues. He became flakey and left me insecure. It never blew up but my feelings were hurt. We seemed to be at a good (understanding) spot, as “friends” and then he texted me “you are such a good person”, whereafter he proceeded to ghost after I replied. I texted him a month after to tell him how I feel but he continued to ignore me. Three months later I get a text apologizing and telling me that he hopes I can find it in my heart to forgive him but if I can’t, he will understand. I thought the text was the bare minimum after how understanding I was of his behavior but I obviously want answers. I am in two minds here. Should I reply?

DaveJord · Accepted Answer

Hummmm... this is a tough one. Because I usually tell people after a breakup, to give it 3 months to really get some time and space for yourself to figure it out for yourself. So that is what it appears this guy has done. He was not in a good place after breaking up, so ghosted in order to get some space for himself to work through things and now he is back.

So, you have to evaluate your position... if you honestly believe you were in a good place for the last three months and would have never given this guy a second chance until he texted you... then I say not only ignore that text but block him.

After 3 months of separation time and space, how do you really feel about this guy? If you are anything less than, you totally missing him and wanting him back then I would not respond to this text. All those things you think you need to know, you honestly don't, you just want to think you do. You want to think he has those answers for you, but he honestly doesn't.

Seriously, if all you want is answers and not the man himself, then ignore the text... because if you know it or not, you already know all you need to know to find the answers for yourself. But if you really don't care about the answers, and just want the man... then jump on that text and indulge your passions... but if there is no passion left to indulge with this man... then just block the number and forget him.

1 year from now you will understand better.

hahahmm · Accepted Answer

Nope. You're not married. This person has demonstrated that they have some kind of major mental health issues *or* simply don't respect you & value you like a human being should. You can do better. He has his own family to baby him and deal with his issues. And if he doesn't it's probably because he pulled the same games on him and they got tired of it. It's not your problem. The worse thing you can do is get addicted/hooked to this guy to where you make stupid decisions (like making him important in your life and neglecting to get a better guy as a result).

Also, you being a woman, I'd think you'd realize that people don't always know why they do the things they do, right? He may have been acting on some pure emotion. But a guy who can't control his emotions is sort of useless. You might as well be dating a woman who is on the lower end of the useful scale... & you don't sound like a lesbian. So asking him why he did it is pointless. If he doesn't know he will just make something up. If he does know you have now started a conversation/discussion which just unnecessarily prolongs contact.

I had several friends (platonic male friends) who dropped off the face of the earth for 'no reason'. Just coincidentally when I achieved some big goal in my life or found a really good woman to be with. Screw them. No loss.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Hi there! I was in this exact position! I even come on here to get advice. It’s not easy and I’m sorry you’re going through it! When I asked back then, some said to respond and some said not to, but you gotta go with your gut feeling. In my case I responded at first and regretted it unfortunately, since he actually never changed. All be did was be nice 10% of the time after that (which back then felt as if he was doing everything good lol) and ghosted me, left me on read, picked on my insecurities and was rude to me 90% of the time. If you feel as though you really don’t wanna do this with him again, then don’t. I hope he’s understanding as he said he’ll be. Another option is to give him one more second chance for your peace of mind. Keep your expectations low if you choose this. If he actually changes for the better then great! If not, you’ll have a clearer idea on what to do next.

Smiling_Baby21 · Accepted Answer

For a person who got the same experience not long ago, I can proudly say, ignoring that message is the best decision you'll ever do. Because if someone had given me that advice before I texted back and hoped that the second time was going to be different, maybe I wouldn't have ended up so depressed. It was the their third text that woke me up. They want to see if they still have the same control on you. But if you don't text back, then you'll see how fast they leave again. Off to find their next victim

Pinay_ako · Answer

He’s bread crumbing. You were fine 3 months without him, you’d be fine without him going forward. If you fall for this trap, he’d do it again.

Anonymous · Answer

Deciding whether or not to reply to his message is ultimately up to you and what you feel is best for your emotional well-being. It's understandable that you may want answers and closure after his previous behavior and the impact it had on you.

Before responding, take some time to reflect on what you hope to achieve by reaching out to him. Consider whether engaging in further communication will truly bring you the closure you desire or if it may potentially reopen old wounds. It's important to prioritize your own emotional health and not engage in conversations that could be detrimental to your healing process.

If you do decide to reply, you can express your feelings, including the hurt you experienced and your need for clarity. However, keep in mind that his response or lack thereof is something you cannot control. It's possible that he may not provide the answers you're seeking or that he may not respond at all. Prepare yourself for that possibility and be ready to focus on your own healing, even if closure may not come from this interaction.

If you feel that it would be more beneficial for your well-being to move forward without engaging in further communication, that is also a valid choice. Closure can sometimes come from within yourself as you work through your feelings and find ways to heal and grow.

Ultimately, trust your instincts and make a decision that aligns with your emotional needs and values. Consider seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist as you navigate this process.

lightbulb27 · Answer

Processing that communications/emotional jumpble reminds me of the Adams Family show where Uncle Fester put his head in a vice clamp to relieve the pressure.

I think the only thing I'd do is arrange a meeting to have a discussion and actually try to communicate, listen, figure out the issues and if you want to keep communicating to work through them. I'd put both phones on the floor and stomp on them to pieces so you never use text again, and barely use the call feature.

Then I'd start working on learning to communicate, figure out what the emotional issues are.

No way in hell would I get intimate til stuff is ironed out or you are asking for "it"... and "it" means a deeper level of suffering.

There's reasons for the mess, you get to sort it out, that's the joys of life...

Or just ignore it all and move on, possibly to repeat if you don't learn the lessons and gain the value from this one.

Finchie40 · Answer

Not at all , kick him to the curb where he belongs , He truly doesn’t value you , he likes the convenience of you , The time he was apart from you he was weighing his options and playing the field , once he realized things weren’t going his way , he decided to reach back out to you for his convenience,. Never settle for someone that doesn’t make you their priority period, you will only be digging your own grave thinking that other person truly values you , Value yourself worth and realize you deserve someone that doesn’t want to leave your side no matter how bad times get , unless they cheat on you , then that’s a different story , but other then that don’t settle for less if he truly valued you he would of never ghosted you period

Sanser · Answer

I must say that if he didn't meant it really I understand him... I have a big problem with that too... Im a person to myself and tend to not answer messages, not because I feel that people are annoying, its just that I can't bring it to myself to answer... It something that I want to fix about myself... My best friends, people who I love with all my heart know this, they live very far away, like 500km so I only see them at summer and sometimes when I write them and they reply I dont replay back in some time like 3 weeks or a month... I dont know the causes of him doing this but if he is like me he didn't really mean it... there are very difficult people out there...

devilish-cutie · Answer

If you really like him you can try to talk to him in rl but dont expect changed behavior, expect exactly the same behavior. People can change and deserve a second chance but it is no a case that happens often. Anyways i wouldn't base much on text but rather rl.

Yannishka · Answer

I would not respond or would respond by why he didn't reply after my confession, you confessed. He still ignored you for several months. If he had replied that he wasn't in the right state of mind to give it thought and some answer. It's just proper etiquette. But he chose to ignore you.

Anonymous · Answer

Personally I would not. It just sounds like to much turmoil and if he’s going through some things, that is not changing anytime soon. I honestly wonder how genuine he is about this “mental illness”, seems like a crutch some men will use nowadays to get out of tight spots. It’s either here nor there though, you’re just better off in general without someone like him in your life.

RingOfFire · Answer

Depends on how much potential you see in the relationship. Nothing wrong with giving someone another chance especially if they were dealing with some personal issues that were temporary. But if you don't otherwise see a lot of potential in the relationship I think it is better to just let it go.

naivetykills_you · Answer

dont, bc the moment he ghosted u is phenomenal enough. He already stamped u as someone who he does not need to work hard for and that’ll never change. Even he does show effort after apologizing (eg: becoming super kind/sweet/etc), it’ll fade as soon as he gets bored and things will be the same like when he ghosted you. Unless u wanna experience that kind of situation again w the same person, dont like him anymore. Reply whatever u want to his text, but I hope u can always remember the time he ghosted u and let u feel something u shouldn't have to feel. Im sure in the case of such people, if he were in ur position, he wouldn't even consider replying and would just blocked himself right off the bat and date or even marry someone else without feeling any regret

ShesRad80 · Answer

being an adult is tough, you can either ignore him or say hey we need to meet and talk, thats the only way i will listen. seeing someone in person you can tell if its BS or not most of the time. you dont owe him anything but maybe you will get the answers you seek. weight your options on how you are feeling about it all, only you know the answer, we can only throw out suggestions, but goodluck to you

JesseP1nk · Answer

You tell him how you feel and it took him 3 months to respond? Fuck that. Do not reply.

My suspicioun is he might have some relationship when you wrote him. When thing went sour then he started texting you back. In other words you were his backup plan.

MementoMori777 · Answer

sure just give them another chance to do it again lol

molonski2 · Answer

Ohh Wholly sht , nice to hear from you , I thought you were dead. Hows life been? I've only got a second , I have a number of commitments and I'm headed out..

Vegasrunner · Answer

Not sure if you should but she will. Women can not go w/out getting their feeling heard and getting answers. He's done a terrific job keeping her unsure about where she stands so she's going to eventually reach out either directly or passively in an attempt to get clarity.

Tonita91996 · Answer

I think men act like they have something wrong with them or something like they act like they are crazy. I don't know why men don't want beautiful women. I wouldn't take it to heart on how he treated you If if were you I wait for someone better. Obviously he is a complete jackass.

BlackJeep · Answer

I think you should accept his apology and tell him you moved on. That's your closure. Don't allow people in your life that treat you like that.

Kaamraj · Answer

Men should not flake it's immature and a major red flag. ask him clearly why he flaked because even the most dire situations can be communicated with a text message. But as a man I would not trust him.

KatherineJ · Answer

Girl, I don’t know if he is playing with you, or if he has his own issues. But either way, allowing him into your life would be a bad idea-in my opinion.

Anonymous · Answer

Do not trust an online ghoster who is guy or girl. You don't know that they may have even ghosted you to talk to another or others. be wary now.

Should I respond to someone who ghosted me and came back after three months to apologize? If so, how?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Should I respond to someone who ghosted me and came back after three months to apologize? If so, how?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.