How can I get over a 10 year relationship?

[Anonymous]

my ex and i were in a relationship for 10 years. we had done some hurtful stuff to each other and were none stop arguing till the very end. he has done some horrible things to me and said some really terrible things to me and i want to move on from it. this hurts more than ever because we both really thought we were going to be together forever. we were even engaged. however, i really do believe that we were broken and two individuals that we continued to break and hurt each other. he liked girls butt and bikini pictures all over instagram, he followed a bunch, screenshot a bunch, DMed a few, called me horrible names, and i really want to heal from all this before i get into a new relationship. last night he told me that we could be together but it won’t be for a while then tells me he was joking and he’s going to talk to other girls and the next girl who opens her legs for him, he will jump right on it. he would tell me that i’m not pretty or cute, that i’m boring, that our sex life is boring and that i’m a bitter b****. i tried my hardest to look past all the hurtful things he has said to me, but all the times i will look in the mirror, i see ugly. i don’t recognize who i am anymore. i understand that i’m not pretty at all, but i didn’t think he, out of all people, will say that to me. he will apologize for what he says but i couldn’t forgive him. my heart is full of wounds. i want to see a therapist so badly because i have so much trauma and pain that i need to heal before i get into a new relationship. he wanted reassurance for a lot of things, but i couldn’t give it to him because i’m not the best communicator. for example, he had asked me if we grew to hate each other. all i said was no and i continued to watch tv. that’s something i need to work on, but i can’t do it myself. i want to heal, i want to move on, i want someone who is not verbally abusive. i’m putting my trust in God. any advice on how i can move on from a 10 year relationship.

[DaveJord]

Yeah, tell me about it... get over it. How you do that is up to you. The rest about looking the minor and seeing ugly, and not knowing who are... yeah that's because you may have had some toxic behaviors and obviously were in a very toxic relationship.

I would suggest getting professional help, you will not find what you need here. Trauma and pain is just apart of life... all that matters is how you use it to become a better person.

[Pterodon]

Sorry for your loss. I’ve been there too. All I can say is give it time. Time is the great healer

[kylee2437]

It’s going to take time. You can’t just magically get over someone that you were with for a decade. You can’t rush the process. Just gotta do things that you think would benefit you in the meantime of the process

[Asker]

i can’t wait to heal. i hope the next guy who comes into my life will be happy to take me out on dates. who is not obsessed with drinking tons of beer everyday and who doesn’t smoke weed. i’m just really nervous because i am 32 and i know a lot of guys my age already have kids with another women and i don’t want that 😔

[kylee2437]

@asker don’t focus on the “next guy” focus on yourself. You even said you have stuff to work on personally. You can’t drag your problems onto the next guy and expect the next guy to put up with what you didn’t heal. Just relax, focus on yourself.

[Anonymous]

Hair of the dog.