How long does it take to get over a 10 year relationship?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It really depends on the people and the relationship.

    Some people might not ever fully get over it, while others detach themselves and pretend to get over things incredibly quickly.

    The longest it took me to fully get over one was about a year. It was good for me, though; I am ready for the right one now.

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    • I feel like I have accepted its over and it will never be, but he's always in the back of my thoughts im sure its just habit, but it really sucks, I just want to be ok and its been over for 3 months and I know its not a lot of time but I wish I knew when the pain will go away

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    • You're very welcome.

      Lots of great advice here, like working out and spending time with friends and loved ones.

      Time heals all wounds. :) I wish you the best of luck :)

    • no contact and focusing on the reason why we broke up are so important

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • As much time as it takes to watch an entire netflix season of your Favorite show and eat 45 Metric ton's of your Favorite ice cream? xD

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    • just watched 6 seasons of sex and the city... onto the next tv show lol

  • 3 years or more I would say

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    • I hope its not that long, but I have a feeling it will be and ill miss him forever he was my best friend

    • It took me a very long time

  • I've been wanting to break up with her for close to 2 years, but finding it so difficult. We coming to 11 years soon.

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    • I know the feeling of where you are right now, being unsure and deciding if you are gonna pull the trigger, is she gonna.. and its one of the most miserable feelings on earth... I would compare it to torture

  • Usually a day

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    • Show All
    • Well Bruce became a woman... if you're that serious about it

    • lol there is always that, thank you for cheering me up

What Girls Said 7

  • You may never get Completely over him, Beckz0811. This is a guy who you have been with for a good part of your life and ven if you would get together with someone tomorrow, he may end up to be a Rebound Robert because you are not ready nor raring to be in a Real Relationship right now.
    Move on slowly and focus on you. Time does heal all wounds, believe me, I know. It took me 7 years to get over a First Love and it finally came one night, when God gave me that closure I so desperately needed, and realized, when we had this one more chance for romance... It wasn't the same anymore... I was finally free.
    It could happen to you that you might also get some test of time. However, I always say it's in God's hands for whatever happens in our life. With you, He gave you a beautiful experience with someone whom you fell in love with and are able to tell everyone you were fortunate enough to have... Fallen in love in this lifetime.
    Good luck. xx

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    • I just saw this now... happy I could have interjected anyway. xx

    • I really like your advice about not just getting together with someone, I feel that if I were to just jump into something I would have extreme baggage and would drag it into the next relationship, this is a toxic situation and I really can't just depend on someone to make me feel better, however so many people do and I just don't get it. I guess it is lonely but lonely is in your mind you can be alone and not lonely that's where I am looking to be in the near future. I have started doing hot yoga and centering myself and I have felt amazing because of it. You are right I should be thankful that I was in love and given that in this lifetime, I really hope that even if it does take 7 years that the physical pain of me missing him goes away, I don't mind some nostalgia but I want to be completely over it haha... thank you for your response!!! :) I hope God gives me that aha moment in the future to be free im glad it happened for you.

    • Thank you and you are so welcome, sweetie... Sounds like you are doing fine by focusing on yourself and as time goes on, it does get easier.. however, getting up with others you can find yourself comparing, I did it for years, always with guys with brown hair and brown eyes like my First love... someday you may get your closure to tell you whether or not it is over or just find someone who will be this Prince Charming and you will know then.. your heart has healed... Take your time, you are find.:)) xxoo

  • There's no specific time frame. However not practicing good post-breakup etiquette will likely set you back and make it harder and even impossible. So essentially you want to cut off all contact, delete all pictures, delete him from social media and you are going to want to delete his number as well. Any reminders of him need to be put away. These are simple things but needed in order to give your mind time to heal. Removing the person from your life is like putting a band aid on a wound (in this case your broken heart) and every single time you go back into contact or do something to bring back a memory of him you are ripping off the band aid without it having had time to properly heal. So you need to take care of yourself. For the next few months you and your needs will come first.

    I hope this helps xx

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    • This is amazing advice! I really appreciate you explaining it that way to me, I was still friends with his friends on facebook and instagram and everytime I would see his friends post something it was a stab in the gut. I always would talk myself into not deleting them because they are nice and I like them, I mean I've known them for 10 years! Realistically though you are right, the way you put it that I have a band aid on that isn't properly healed and I keep ripping it off when I see them. I have kept no contact with him and I am definitely not worried about that aspect. Because of you I deleted all of his friends except his best friend which I know I have to do that too soon, I am just really proud of myself for deleting 50+ mutual friends. Thanks again for the response

    • Ah I know all about the instagram and facebook thing >_< I had a fake facebook profile picture just to look my last ex up. I also followed my ex's friends too Instagram and we weren't even really close. Till 3 weeks after our break up I see my ex in a picture with his previous ex looking in love with their heads next to each other and smiles on their face.. It literally broke me. I felt like i was going to throw up and since then I really really try avoid doing it because there's actually nothing to gain by doing it. I thought it would make me feel in control by knowing what is going on in his life and then I realized that I'm doing the opposite. His behavior is controlling ME on social media cause I'm the one getting upset over things he's doing while he is out there having a blast and not thinking of me. I'm really happy to hear you took that huge step by doing that. It's fine if for now you keep his best friend. Small, baby steps is fine. At least you did something very brave and

    • good for you in the long run. If you ever need someone to talk to or to vent to I'll always all ears for listening and giving advice to people going through break ups because I know what it's like and it's devastating.

      Stay strong!

  • I agree with @zombibabe. 10 years is very long. 10 years of intimacy and it is suddenly gone. Therapist would not hurt.
    You just need time. Really. Time is such a healer.
    Concentrate on your work. Do sth you have wanted to do but you did not have time. A new hobby for example.
    Meet people. Your friends. Go out more.
    Start to exercise ; work out. That really helps. At the end you will suddenly see , it is gone. :)

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    • yes that's the hard thing to deal with 10 years of intimacy just gone, its been 3 months and I know that's nothing, I think I try to distract myself pretty well with bettering myself gym, yoga, work, but talking about this on this forum is very helpful, im realizing I was trying to ignore my feelings and they are very much still there as much as I don't want to admit it

    • 3 months is nothing. If course it hurts still. BUT by time you will feel better.
      And welcome to Gag. Yeah here you can spend your time. Will make you feel better.

  • There really isn't a time frame for grieving over a relationship. It depends on how it ended, how long the relationship lasted, if the break up was mutual. I would try spending time with family and friends. Make plans to do things. Therapy is a good idea too, just talking to someone who is an outsider but can give you advice and give you a new perspective.

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    • I try and occupy myself as much as I can, however there are times when I am alone and I have to face my thoughts and feelings, I try to avoid it but I know I can't because they are persistent. Its those time where I try and write or plain just cry, some days are better than others I try not to think of what I've lost but instead look at what I have gained... the hardest thing I'm dealing with is that he was the closest thing to me the person that maybe I depended on too much because all I want to do is call him and feel better. I know to never actually do this but my body feels this way. Im just trying to build who I am again without him or anyone because we are all we have in the end.

    • I know the feeling my ex of 7years and father to our daughters our youngest only 3 months old just left a month ago. There really isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him. I think of all the what ifs and that is draining in itself. I mean ideally I hope that someday we can reconcile but right now it just doesn't seem possible.

  • It really depends on how it ended, why it ended and how much you invested into the relationship. Were you married? Kids? I got out of an almost 11 year marriage last year and while I was the one to end it and I am much happier now, it's still tough at times. We have children together so we will always be a part of each other's lives. Everyone deals with breakups differently and if you take a awhile then that's ok.

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    • It ended because we weren't compatible fighting all the time, it started to get to the point where we were both unhappy, I didn't have anything invested, no kids, no marriage and I guess its a good thing that it ended before that, but at the same time its like a slap in the face, I was with him for 10 years and nothing to show for it no ring, no kids, just for him to decide on his terms to up and leave with the snap of his fingers.

    • I do think I am happier now, and I know its the right thing it being over, but its just those days when all I want to do is call him about something funny or just relax and hang out with my best friend who is just gone its so hard

  • woah! 10 years? that's a a hard one... a therapist might help you get over it

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    • yea I was thinking about this, I feel like I had a death in my family bc we were best friends to top it all off. I think therapy couldn't hurt

    • yeah its gonna help you

  • It all depends on the person, someone people can move on in little time

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