Search Results: how to be more attractive

30f and I really can’t tell if I’m inevitably single because I don’t want a relationship or it’s a case of self sabotage. Within the past few years, the only attention I’ve gotten from attractive guys were on dating apps. But that should be taken with a grain of salt, I feel like compared to the average woman, I don’t get attention from quality guys in person. I’m pretty shy and tend to speak when spoken to, on top of bad anxiety, I’ll say I question if women can relate to my lack of sex drive. I haven’t had sex since my early twenties/don’t masturbate and couldn’t care less if I died a virgin, will feel some kind of way if I’ve never found love though.

It’s as if I want the reassurance I’m desirable (from what seems like decent men) vs actually going out on dates, I’m insecure but wouldn’t just go for anyone that gives me the time of day. I just don’t get why it can’t ever go my way w/ the OLD apps, it’s likely bad luck but a pattern of: ghosting, fizzling out, the convo not flowing to my expectations & I dip out, just lack of interest (can go both ways) etc. I’m attracted to men, I really don’t think id date a woman but something about men at the same time turns me off (physically & personality wise). Like almost every woman I've known has been boy crazy since they were pre-teens and I never got it, I thought they were exaggerating or I was a late bloomer. Well here I am 2 decades later, my closest thing to boy crazy were celebrity crushes.

Am I looking for excuses to justify being single? Is it simply a case of being unlucky? Is there more to unpack here? Or is the right guy all it takes for it to fall into place?

I feel like if they cheated with someone who’s better than me (in terms of looks especially), I’d be super insecure about myself and the way I look. But if they were to cheat on me with someone who’s less attractive then I’d also be questioning my self value… It’s a lose lose situation for sure.

He would compliment me in ways like saying I’m so hot. I’m banging and “big fat ass”. He’d never really compliment me in any other way and not often at all. He’d say i was pretty occasionally too

But with his other girlfriend would say she had perfect boobs. And bigged them up so much. I have no idea how often or if he said other compliments but he was able to say that off his own back. But with me he couldn’t.

I’ve read that narcissists will compliment people less the more attractive they are. His friends told me this girl wasn’t anywhere near as good looking as I am and my narcissistic ex himself said it too. Is that why?

He always said bitterly I know I’m good looking. I know I have a big bum. I know I’m good etc.

What is the reason he couldn’t compliment me but he could this girl?