Men, are sad women with problems more attractive?

Question

I was talking with friends over coffee about some of my problems and some guy overheard us and asked me out lmao then I posted something about being sad and I received a message on social media saying he’d still smash no matter my crazy ex. Is this a thing?

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

They aren't more attractive - they are more desperate for attention and validation, and thus more likely to allow a random guy to smash. That may be harsh, but you asked the question and that's the truth. There are plenty of guys who only want casual sex who figured out that women with lots of problems and are sad/depressed are often easy to get casual sex from, because they want attention and validation from a man. Of course, the tell themselves that this attention and validation means they're (still) attractive, but the truth is that the man isn't all that concerned about how attractive she is, but rather how likely he's going to get some punani.

If a woman is looking for a *relationship*, there are no short-cuts or secret tricks or whatever. And she absolutely WILL NOT get a relationship from a man who wasn't looking for a relationship in the first place. YOU CANNOT CHANGE A MAN. Finding a relationship that has any chance of lasting relies on the woman thoroughly vetting the man based on his morals, values, and life-goals, and eliminating any that have major conflicts with those standards.

If you (i. e., any woman) are choosing a man who doesn't have the morals, values, and life-goals to be in a relationship with you long-term, or if you accept a man who chose you for anything other than "relationship reasons" (including YOUR morals, values, and life-goals), then you should know up-front that casual sex is likely to be all you are ever going to get from that man.

Nothing I wrote here is new or revolutionary - it was just as true 20 years ago, or 100 years ago, or 1000 years ago, as it is today. Men have not changed. What men want has not changed. Only women have changed, and those changes largely have not gone all that great for women. It's hard for women to see that in their 20s, but becomes abundantly clear to those same women in their 30s and 40s.

GuyAnswersGirls123 · Accepted Answer

I had a dangerous attraction to those when younger. It's not for nefarious reasons -- at least not to my conscious understanding of it.

For example, my wife and I have both adopted two stray cats. I even didn't like cats initially and was a dog person. But the first fractured her hip and needed help, and we rushed her to the vet and started to worry so much that we decided to keep her. The second had feline stomatitis and started yelping even when we gave her wet food, so we rushed her to the vet as well and then decided we need to keep her because she can't survive anymore on her own.

I have this type of attraction and maybe a "savior complex". It's not just for women but animals, strangers who might become friends (including men). With women though, sometimes things blur into attraction over time, and I had my share of needy and sad girlfriends in my early years in my 20s thinking I could cheer them up and "heal" them, if you will. The majority broke up with me.

I've since been humbled and realized I might not be qualified to fix human beings this way. They might need a professional, like a therapist. With my wife, she's a happy-go-lucky type and so different from my exes, but we got along so well and I don't feel like I need to heal her except when she's really sick or injured, and I can do a reasonably effective job in those cases.

But maybe because I'm an engineer by trade, I'm really attracted compulsively to broken things, including broken people. I want to fix them.

PBandJ_Nerd · Accepted Answer

I would be careful when guys do that. They could be preying on you simply because you're emotionally vulnerable at that time.

7Phoenix7 · Accepted Answer

I'm agreeing with @joshydavid25 . They are seeing you vulnerable and thinking you may be easier to manipulate.

ohsheeT · Answer

Let me start from the beging
First of all you could wear a bag or your head and guys are going to want to date you. Just because it's you being you you have what guys are looking for

You don't need to be sad. You need to believe in yourself and be happy. Then be patient...

Ok so your on the internet. And you say your sad. Two types of guy are going to send you a message. 9 out of 10 guys

Guy 1 is a good guy he's Curious why you were sad
and will have a good chat with you if you answer his question up beat and fun.

Guy 2 to 10
Will send you a message and tell you every thing you want to hear. There will be many forms Of manipulation to get you to go out with him. And try to take advantage of you.. and your 😔

Summeroflove · Answer

I have no idea it depends on her situation. If it’s her own fault that she’s getting into bad situations probably not I’m not going down with the sinking ship. If someone’s gotten a bad hand in life then I can be more understanding.

Many people both men and women who are empathetic want to fix someone, change someone, save someone, and rescue someone. But some people only prey on someone’s empathy as a vessel to enable them.

So people need to be careful but sure I can understand if someone wants to help someone they may be drawn to someone whose had problems.

Finchie40 · Answer

Most men use that as an advantage to flirt with a girl and to get her interested in him , it’s one of the oldest tricks in the book lol You ever watched Wedding Crashers? Will Ferral picks up chicks at a funeral , he said it’s the best way to get chicks lol

Zack-Bann · Answer

It’s a tactic as old as time

“Attack the wounded soldier”

Men figure a woman with problems is less likely to be a stuck up diva

It’s not always genuine

And I think true maturity is not being afraid of healthy minds
Well have problems but they shouldn’t become a part of our personality

I say all this because my ex was a sad woman with all kinds of problems
And I found it endearing at first. But it blew up in my face eventually
She wasn’t ready. And clearly neither was I

Shiprex · Answer

Men want to SAVE a woman from sadness and be a hero to her so their hero mode gets triggered when they hear a woman in distress. It's clear to see in danger situations that men will go to a woman screaming. Over hearing a conversation is maybe because you triggered other aspects of attraction so he paid attention (that's something women like too isn't it?) and acted on it.
Is it a thing? I think it is a trigger to know of a woman who needs saving and just being the one who saves her but not always in a romantic/erotic way.

Blunky · Answer

See... when I hear women say that about guys with problems, I'm always thinking that she wants to fix him.

When I hear guys say that about women, I always think he wants to take advantage while she's vulnerable.

Neither is really true and I've experienced the reverse often. One of my biases I can't really shake.

Joshydavid25 · Answer

Nah, speaking from experience of dating a sad woman with problems.. Those guys probably either think you're sexy and wanna save or an easy target since you're sad, probably a bit more vulnerable, and prone to probably look for some support.. Not saying that you are, but that it's a possibility of how they may think..

OneViewpoint · Answer

For me? No, sad women with problems tend to be needy and moody / depressed. Do women want a guy who's sad and clingy / depressed, LOL?

But that depends. Is she a perpetual sack of sadness who makes a never ending chain of bad decisions? Or did her mother die 2 weeks ago. One is a life problem. One is a tragedy at a moment in time that says nothing about her decision making.

Anonymous · Answer

I’m not sure if it’s attractive. It’s just that as men we try to fix things. That’s why when a woman talks to her man about all her problems he tries to fix them by giving solutions. Most men don’t know that a lot of times women just want men to listen to her problems, not fix them. So he may feel like the shining night trying to fix her problems, to save her. I’ve realized going after women like that is not a good thing. It took me a long time to realize I was going after women like that. I finally met a girl who wasn’t like that, we’ve been together for 17 years now. It could also be that he’s trying g to use it against you as far as you being vulnerable. To see this man is here, he’s so sweet, taking care of me, helping me, etc. He figured he has better chances at getting some from her.

msg321 · Answer

They can be attractive to an extent because naturally men like being protective to their women so at the first place a man may like the idea of protecting a sad woman but if she continue whining if she always talks about her sadness/ problems after a while this bothers men and they want to run away from her. Men may like the idea of making a sad woman happy if he thinks making her happy is impossible, he lose his interest.

Hellraiser1984 · Answer

Well sad guys with problems are a red flag to women me. So I'd say it depends on that woman and how she deals with those problems. If she uses drugs and alcohol to deal with them, I'm out. If she tries to better herself with maybe getting a degree that's good. But if she's a mess and has no desire to get out of that mess I'm gone.

Purpleronnie · Answer

I think some guys ‘may’ think sad women with problems = easier target for sexy times being brutally honest.

Personally I couldn’t and wouldn’t ever find a sad girl with problems more attractive. I may feel empathy , sympathy or pity because I’m a decent human being but attraction … nope

justarandomperson_55 · Answer

@kittygosmeoww Well, because it's in the "dating" topic, I feel like girls with problems or girls without problems don't make any difference when I'm looking for someone to date. But some guys can find it more attractive because we men like to solve things and see our women relaxed.

abc3643 · Answer

NO NO NO NO NO NO and, in case you didn't get the message. NO!!!

Raceandgendertheory · Answer

Some men are drawn to vulnerability because it makes them feel needed, powerful, or like they have an “in.” It’s not always genuine care — sometimes it’s opportunistic. Sadness doesn’t make someone more attractive, but it can make them seem more approachable or easier to impress. It’s a messy dynamic, but yeah… it’s definitely a thing.

HighValue · Answer

No. Someone with problems is not attractive. If she has contact with an ex, student loan debt, has kids, is an alcoholic, etc. None of that is attractive.

moneymagnet24 · Answer

You can place any type of foods In front of hungry guy he will eat. not because food is tasty but he is hungry.. understand my love?

Gayuglycowardv3 · Answer

He thinks having sex with a sad girl is easier than a happy one plus wants to make u feel better through sex

exitseven · Answer

Sometimes being the one to fix somebody can be very powerful. I do not know why but I know it is true.

Surely · Answer

They are probably figuring that you are now more vulnerable. That they can swoop in and make you forget about all of your problems!

LiamS95 · Answer

No. but might be easiest to get close too and help as any strong person wants to do. The strong should always help the weak.

Anonymous · Answer

Guys want to protect you and fix your problems

In_Trance · Answer

Absolutely not

Damaged guys like damaged girls. It's that simple.
When you select something off of a shelf to buy it you want something in a pristine package with the contents intact.
Choosing a partner is no different

nawtee_me · Answer

It is more the knight in shining armor thing

Aiko_E_Lara · Answer

They can be if theyre willing to get well and appreciative. It brings out our natural fixer trait

Maria9_ · Answer

No not really plus you feel like nothing you do would make them happy.

Anonymous · Answer

Attractive women are attractive, sad or happy - it doesn't affect their attractiveness.

Anonymous · Answer

Bumpin' that bumpin' that.

blackeagle007 · Answer

Weird. But then again we live in a weird world

spartan55 · Answer

White knighting is very real.

wkhan_87 · Answer

No sadness never attractive

Rockey_the_bicker · Answer

Yess ,, dirty women are more attractive for me 🤣🤣🤣

MannMitAntworten · Answer

Answering for myself … No.

es20490446e · Answer

I already had enough of that shit.

Jay-_- · Answer

Ehhhh, nah, bro is just thirsty not going to lie.

Kelly6 · Answer

@kittygosmeoww strongly disagree

smahala1991 · Answer

Sometimes they can be for reasons lol

fish5505_87 · Answer

No! In general. Every situation is unique.

Smile456 · Answer

I try to understand them

NicholasRedone · Answer

@kittygosmeoww crikey lady 👀

Rohaan2020 · Answer

I think they’re irritating

oldpigg · Answer

No, they are just easier to manipulate.

SunnyRS · Answer

No, I prefer some positivity in my life.

jahaims · Answer

The literal opposite

sirderpsalot123 · Answer

. No

Anonymous · Answer

Nope

QuietRunner · Answer

yes it is

Staximus · Answer

No, I'm not trying to be Captain Save-A-Ho

ElijahWhats · Answer

Huhy

Men, are sad women with problems more attractive?

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Men, are sad women with problems more attractive?

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