Why do guys rejected me for plain Jane/chubby women?

Question

So I’ve been told I’m gorgeous all my life. I started modeling at age 17. I’ve been rejected for being skinny in high school and some guy told me, “If you put on some weight, you’d be more f*ckable.”
Wow….

Even in the cafeteria, we overheard two guys saying something to nasty to my best friend and said that were so skinny and gross that they want to shove a burger down our throats especially me. The guy said I rather take a thick girl over an ugly bone that has nothing to hold on too. He would shove so much good down my throat because I was too damn skinny for him.
I was 115lbs to 122lbs in high school. I went from 5’2 to 5’11”. I just have a small built. I’m now 136lbs. My boyfriend of two years left me for a average, chubby girl. I never understood why guys would go after less attractive women and cheat on gorgeous, hot women like me. My first boyfriend cheated on me with a slim, plain Jane that is such a nerd. Why do plain Jane, average, chubby or nerds have lovingly long relationships than gorgeous and good looking people.

SteveSmith1985 · Accepted Answer

I am genuinely sorry you've been through all you've been through. I can appreciate where this question comes from. But I think you're putting too much emphasis on looks at the end of the day.

I often end up chatting with girls who don't feel they're super attractive. I hear them talk about how easy pretty girls have it, and what a charmed-life their looks grant them.

I try and tell them that everybody has bullshit to deal with, even pretty girls. I then give a few examples. You however, are the most extreme example. That's simply because you have had multiple experiences that all pile together.

You have had many things happen which taught you, and reconfirmed that guys are rejecting you for plain or chubby women.

I am not saying that this hasn't been your life's experience. What I'm saying is that you are incorrect about the reason

You are left with this impression that you're finding yourself somehow disadvantaged BECAUSE you're hot. (which makes no sense to you, understandably. It's not true).

So the mean shit in highschool.

This is a case of some real asshole guy saying something just fucking mean. It's not even that he meant it. It's just something he latched onto to say mean shit to you (he can't call you ugly, so he calls you skinny).

Still, it planted a seed in your mind about maybe being too skinny (or maybe something else planted that seed earlier, and this just reinforced your belief).

The overheard girls is clearly just some jelous highschool girls talking shit about the pretty girl group. It doesn't mean anything, and there is no basis for their comments. Like the asshole above, my guess is that they couldn't call you ugly, so they defaulted to skinny. Nevertheless, it reinforced this idea in your head.

So then you get out into the world, and you have a boyfriend cheat on you. Now, that is a hugely painful experience for anyone. I am sorry this happened to you.

The problem is the "story" you took away with you from that situation. You didn't tell yourself:

- "My boyfriend turned out to be a piece of shit and slept with some girl"

- You didn't take away "men are cheaters" (or maybe you did, I don't know. But it's not the only thing you took away)

-The story of that cheating guy in your mind is "My boyfriend cheated on me with an average/chubby girl"

Then you had the boyfriend who left you for the plain girl. Same sort of thing. Your story to yourself going forward, was to fucus on the fact that the girl wasn't as good looking as you were. That was the notable thing (to you) about the other girl.

I don't blame you for feeling frustrated by this seeming pattern of getting thrown-over for objectively less-hot girls. But that isn't what's happening.

So when your boyfriend cheated, you focused on the looks of the girl. That's really not why your boyfriend cheated. He cheated because he was a cheater who was gonna cheat. The fact that the person he cheated with is average/chubby, is incidental. Guys don't cheat because they think a girl is hot compared to their girlfriends.

That's not the motivation. It's not correlated. Cheating does not decrease, as the hotness of a girlfriend increases. It doesn't work that way. This was a shitty guy, who did a shitty thing to you. It had nothing whatsoever to do with you being hot or skinny, and her being chubby or average. Those things were irrelevant to the fact that this guy cheated on you, with her.

Now the boyfriend. So again, it's focusing on the wrong (irrelevant) thing. Instead of "he left me for another girl" or "he left me for a girl he liked better"... you've seen it as:

"he left me for a plain girl who is less attractive than me"

While that may be true, it's got nothing to do with WHY he did this.

Obviously, I know nothing whatever about your relationship with him, or your history together. Nevertheless, I can tell you that your looks, and the other girls looks were not significant factors in his choice to leave you for her.

I don't know either of you. I can tell you though, that clearly it's personality/compatability/feelings that lead your boyfriend to leave you for the less attractive girl. It wasn't BECAUSE you're better looking or she's plainer. It's because he liked her more than you EVEN THOUGH you are the better looking one. (which is actually an example of how personality is more important than looks).

You've had the collection of experiences you've had giving you the idea that guys had a problem with how skinny you were.

Then you have two (genuinely) traumatic romantic losses, both to women who happen to be considerably less attractive than you. You focus on this aspect of the situation as being vital to the "story" you tell yourself about these incidences.

It's no surprise you see what's happened to you through the lense that you see it through. It's wrong though.

You are good looking. But you are expecting that looks are WAY WAY more important to a guy than they really are. In fact, you're living proof of that (I'm not trying to be an asshole. It's true).

So you're looking at these situations as "why do guys seem to prefer these less attractive girls." It's because it really doesn't have much at all to do with physical attractiveness. That's not why these two guys did what they did.

You are telling yourself a misleading version of your own story when you focus (or even consider) physical attractiveness to be the key difference between you and the less attractive girls.

***You had an asshole boyfriend who cheated on you.

Then you had a boyfriend for two years, who left you for another girl. ****

That is your summary story. The fact that you're really really hot; and the other girls weren't is totally irrelevant.

It's like noticing both girls were tall and having a complex about being a short girl. It's not the height that made a difference or was the cause of anything. It's an incidental thing. The focusing on it is the problem. It leads to incorrect conclusions. That's what has happened here.

I genuinely do feel badly for you having had these experiences. I'm not in any way trying to make light of the pain each has caused you.

You are telling yourself a version of your story which puts an emphasis on relative attractiveness, when that doesn't even factor into your story (the two boyfriends).

I know this answer isn't going to make you feel better. If you can get yourself to see things accurately. The only possible thing to maybe take from this is: Being good looking isn't as critical to a guy as one might think. Personality/compatability and other non-physical factors are most important for a guy when it comes to who he wants to be with. (and only the 2 year boyfriend, the other guy is just an asshole)

Your experiences isn't all that different from many girls. The fact that you're really attractive and the fact that these other girl's weren't; has made you look at it the wrong way. If you forget about how attractive you might be, you're a normal girl with a normal story.

You detailed two relationships. One where you were cheated on. Another where you were left for someone else.

Both very painful, but also very common.

There is not this phenomenon of guys leaving you for less attractive girls. You've just seen your common story through that lens; It leads to this false conclusion.

Don't worry, being attractive isn't going to screw you over. (it hasn't yet either) You have the same chance everyone else does of finding the right relationship that works out how you hoped.

You are in the same boat as everyone else. It's just your looks are not as critical a factor when a guy decides who he chooses. Being hot isn't working against you though. You are in the same situation we're all in. You're looking for that right somebody. Being super good-looking doesn't make that any easier. That's all.

🙂

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

Ok First of all, let me just say you sound like you have a beautiful heart and you're a good person. This is what I believe is happening

We are our thoughts
So if some guy puts you down
Talks about you
If you want a hundred percent honest it hurts your feelings
And if it hurts your feelings you dwell on it
You start to play it over and over in your head

That brings you down. And your mind your body heart soul spirit and now your at a stant still. Your mind body heart soul spirit and energy with in is who you become.. each and every day. .

So first thing is is love your self no matter what.
Second thing is when someone say some thing negative about you walk away. Don't listen

They don't even know you so what they say I meant to bring you to there level of I don't like myself. That's why they talk crap about other people. If they can get your heart your brain to even think about what they said. They got you.. if you question what the said they. Got you. If you have to ask a question about it they got you. .. well not today because we are going to change that... anyone in your life from this day forward that has something negative to say about you. Walk away do not allow them in to change your out look on yourself.. we are our thoughts. If you say this for 1 month straight watch how it changes who you are and how you feel.

My mind is brilliant my body. My soul is healthy

Every cell in my body vibrates With energy and health

I choose healing from my heart. My body my soul every day

I forgive myself and I forgive everyone that has hurt me

I am healthy in my life My mind body and spirit

I am grateful That happens inside my body each and every day

I give myself permission to your hill inside and outside. I am beautiful strong smart wise and happy

I don't know if you've ever played. Sports or not or done something that you really like and you get into a zone and everything just happens perfect. You can feel it just rush through your body. That's how you have to live life

That's who you have to become. You can't let people bother you by the things they say and do because they don't even know you

The only time that something hurts you when somebody says it. It's because it's probably true

Because when it's not true you've given them the finger You smile and you walk away. Because you know the truth so it's not a big deal

Love yourself, become one with yourself. Become one with others. Help Others understand this about themselves too Help anybody that needs helped the struggling

That become one with the universe Because the universe is god Your body is your temple and that's where god lives is inside your temple inside Nobody could hurt you or harm you because you're protected

And in life we were all.
Given a gift that gives us choice
We get to choose. We want to be in life by the things we say And do

So be positive. We are our it thoughts.. be happy smile your whole body and out look in life will change

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Love is blind. Guys are fools, they don't go for the attractive ones, they pick the average or unattractive ones. I've seen many times. Most of the attractive women are single or only had few relationships.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

There’s men that like chubby women?🤯 well that’s news to me

BonzoInBitburg · Answer

I know quite a few women who've done modeling and most are single. They're very nice and drop dead gorgeous

Ariesman81 · Answer

Hahaha... it's your trash attitude. I'd smack some humility into you if you weren't the size of a man.

masterSir · Answer

Maybe you're to skinny. I'd have to so a pic.

PaleDale · Answer

Personality trumps a lot of other things.

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

I wouldn't, but that's me.

Anonymous · Answer

Looks like it's your ugly personality.

wkhan_87 · Answer

Preferencess and choices

Why do guys rejected me for plain Jane/chubby women?

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