I’m 29 and feel like guys are never into me. I’ve had a couple but none that I was crazy about. The guys that I’ve liked always discard me and make me feel not good enough. I don't know what to do. It makes me feel like I’m not good enough. It doesn’t matter how much work on myself I try to do or improve myself, never seems to be enough. And I’m left feeling defeated.
I’m an empathetic, introverted, intuitive person. I’m not Mrs. chatty Kathy all the time but I have a heart of gold and can be bubbly and funny. Also am self aware and willing to grow.
The only thing I feel insecure about is the fact that I don’t always have a ton to talk about all the time and my skin isn’t perfect due to acne in the past so I wear foundation a lot but I’m trying to work on that so to not wear it as much. Also have aimed to be willing g to get curious about others by learning more conversation skills and just asking people questions.
I think you're really pretty. Now, I can't say why you're not getting along well with guys. But I will say that self-confidence is important. Not all guys, but lots of guys don't want to deal with low self-esteem every day whether you're verbalizing it, or you're just giving off that vibe, and we don't want to feel like we need to compliment you every moment of the day in order to lift your self-esteem. That's a lot of emotional work for us to have to burden. You need to find ways to love yourself, and we can't do that for you.
That being said, as someone who suffered from low self-esteem as a kid, and later overcame it, my recommendation is to "fake it 'til you make it." Imagine carrying yourself as someone with high self-esteem, good self-love, but still humble and empathetic. Picture how that person would carry themselves, what they might say about themselves and about others, what they might "not say", etc. And then "be" that person. Fake it, until it starts to become second nature, how you normally act, what you normally think, what you normally say.
Another thing you can do is affirmations. Not a "The Secret" nonsense of trying to get things from the universe. But telling yourself things in an effort to change your way of thinking. The more you input good thoughts, the more they replace the negative thoughts, and the more you believe them.
Give the vibe that you're confident, tell yourself that you are that person, and people will be drawn to it. This sounds like self-help nonsense, but it's literally how I changed myself, my personality, and the vibe I give off.
Let me know if you want help with affirmations. I used to build them for myself all the time. These are things you can practice to yourself morning and night, or in the mirror whenever you're in the bathroom, that sort of thing. I would say "try being 'confident' Danielle" for 3 months, and then take a look at what's changed in you. It won't be major, but I think you'll find that it'll be noticeable, and that you'll want to keep on doing it.
So it sounds like you aren’t rejected by guys, you just aren’t seeing relationships develop with the ones you like and (I assume) not very interested in the ones who like you.
Self improvement is an excellent life long goal and should always be something you are working on. Be it education, income, fitness, religious walk, health, personality, or whatever. But, it can be an elusive thing if you set a self-improvement goal with the belief that once you attain it suddenly you’ll be desirable to a class of man you are hoping for.
I’d say, be the best you can be for yourself and keep putting yourself out there. I think the dating world has gotten very hard and very challenging - for men & women equally, but for very different reasons - and I think a high failure rate seems to be the norm.
Lastly, ask a few close friends if they can help you zero in on some behavior that maybe is off putting to others and you may not realize. I can readily confess that I had some of these behaviors and it wasn’t until my early 30s that a good female-friend gave me a few pointers and advice that really was eye-opening.
Trust me, there’s nothing wrong with you you’re fine it’s just not your time and it is OK to be not picked because sometimes the reason why you’re not being picked is the reason why a lot of others are being messed over you’re probably one of the good ones just love on youand take your time you don’t wanna pick the wrong person and waste your time
your self-esteem can't be based on the actions of others... if you lack self-acceptance and self-love, and based on them confidence, you are not really visible...
Well what are these men that you like who discard you like? What about them do you find attractive? What about the men who wouldn’t discard you, but you don’t like? What are they like? Perhaps there is a connection there, maybe you want emotionally unavailable men and you see the lack of feeling as a strength, because maybe you’ve been hurt by giving feelings and having them spurred, so such a man has become desirable to you
Also any decent man won’t care that you’re busy and can’t talk a lot, any decent man will be busy too working on improving their lives, if a man is not actively working on improving himself he is not a decent man and you should avoid him, men are builders and stagnation is not masculine
Also a good man will not reject you because of “bad skin”, most men don’t even know what that means and they don’t really care… early on in a man’s life (teenage years and maybe early adulthood) he is interested in looks, but after experiencing dating he realizes that there are things waaaaay more important for a relationship than looks, honestly looks are just a trap for the most part because they cloud your judgement on what really matters
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Anonymous
(36-45)
1 mo
Your pretty enough so I assume the issue as usual for most modern women given the delusional effects of modern mass/social media the problem is "guys that I’ve liked".
Most of us think the world is far more attractive and interesting than it really is because we are bombard with the most attractive and interesting people all the time. While men have little trouble sleeping around even with relatively ugly women, women having more at stake in a relationship tend to hold out only for a man who meets their standards.
Those standards being informed by a very unrealistic view of what is achievable in a population. Said women tend only to find a very small share of the population meets said standards. As this tends to be the same small number of men those men are subsequently overwhelmed with the number of women interested in them. Either they marry said women and go off the market or decide to be players on the market.
So what you will see among the guys that you liked is evermore purely consisting of men who really are player at heart or they would have already settled with one of the other women and not be now on the market.
The reality is today most women are going to settle for a guy they don't really "like" or be single because there are not anywhere near enough men who make up only a small % of the population for such women. Even less who would be willing to settle down given they have soo many women offering them it all for free.
So not rejected by guys, just guys you are into? That's two different things. Might be your dating above you skipping out on guys you should actually be dating. If you have higher unrealistic metrics for what you're looking for in a man then it'll take longer to find your person.
It gets to a point where if you truly feel you can't find someone then it's time for some deep dive into yourself and realize you might be the problem. Whether it's something external like looks or internal like personality. The odds are greater its you vs worst luck in the world.
I'm about to blow your mind with how simple and straight forward this advice is. I promise that this is totally true. The reason the guys you don't like are into you, but the guys you DO like are never interested is because the guys you like can see you're putting on a show for them and not being authentic.
The guys you want to impress can see that you are trying to show them the best version of yourself and it turns them off because it ALWAYS feels fake.
You haven’t met the right person yet. Maybe you’re not looking in the right places either. Anyway, be yourself and you’ll get there. Don’t change for anyone
You look like a great girl. Everyone has some insecurities, but know that learning the social skills is huge. I will say that I vibe way more with those I can talk with. Asking questions that require more than yes or no is huge. People love talking about themselves if given the proper chance and safe space. Then find something common you can share. I find that makes the conversation much more open and less like interrogation.
Maybe you just haven't gotten to that right place at the right time type of thing, you seem like a lovable person, stay positive, don't drop your motivation.
I am dealing with same thing right now and i see the only way. You attract my your fears and thinking such circumstances. I try to practice now self love and change. my mind set like it say before some loves you. You must l9ve your self
how many have rejected you in the last week? when I was younger I would chat up every girl I met 99 % of them was a flat NO. that was 30 to 50 a day flat no's. even though next may be yes?
