Guys, why am I never approached by you?

[Anonymous]

For all my teenage years I had wondered why no guy has ever approached me. And I would very much appreciate to receive constructive criticism from new perspectives.

I am a 19 year old 5’6 Scandinavian girl with long blonde hair, blue eyes and small-medium sized (average characteristics). My friends and family tells me that I’m pretty but when I look in the mirror, I am nowhere near a 10.

During High School, I took STEM subjects such as math, physics, chem and bio, either alone as a girl or with only a few other girls in class. I am introverted but I could talk to guys if I was placed on the same desk. I really wanted to talk to these people, because I love people. But they always rejected my attempts to small talk.

The same thing happens at parties. No guy wants to talk to me, and I feel really disgusting when my friends are talking to a guy and he won’t even notice me when I try to participate in the conversation. I may be old school, but I don’t like hookup culture. I never had to worry about that because no one ever wanted to. And I have never had a romantic relationship, never even been in a talking stage.

You can call me a nerd in many ways. I love maths, physics and history, I play guitar and piano, I read and I have a great appreciation for art and cinema. I paint, bake, knit and draw. I have also played soccer half my life, I love to hike in the mountains and recently shown interest in motorsports. I like to believe that because of this, I am not an “grey" person.

Even though I am shy and introverted, I am in on the joke, I often laugh and I am very lively. If someone got to know me, they would know that I am deep.

I really want a boyfriend, because I don’t have any deep friends. I want someone to care for, and someone that cares about me. And I truly believe in heart and personality over appearance (looks, height etc).

Am I really the ugliest person to exist? Why doesn’t guys want to talk to me? Please tell me every little thing that could help.

[Effably]

Isn't this quite simple?

As a fellow Scandinavian, first of you know in dating around here you signal first. Wr may or may not do the rest but you first give us the go-ahead or near no one approaches. I am always surprised at how many girls do not know that.

Second, your examples were you interjecting yourself. Not you engaging with people on your own. A guy flirting with your friend won't put much focus on you. A joke or two, sure. But intentions need to be kept clear.

As for class. I had a girl like you in my HS. Similar interests. Very sweet. Actually quite good looking. Shockingly naive and innocent. She was attractive. A few guys certainly liked her. But she never made anyone feel she might like them, and so this being Scandinavia nothing much happened.

You absolutely could try some dating apps or such. If nothing else flirting can be very fun and people have them for all types of reasons. Otherwise, do you have friends? Social circle and online is how most people meet here.

[AmeerX]

😂 can a Scandinavian girl be this good. You don't involve in hook up is a positive thing. Don't leave it. Your height is average and wow blue eyes and blonde hairs are exotic too.

I think you are beautiful and that might intimidate some guys into thinking may be you are too good for them.
You say everything is positive about you but may be it's your hygiene, or the way you talk and dress 👗 perhaps.

Being old school is a plus point. Admirable but something is missing here. Your qualities as a person seem too good to be true.
Did you try Talkin to your sisters or best friend whatever she says might be missing.

It is not possible that you all good good.

And no, you are not ugly, God please stop saying that and stop self pitying yourself. And if you have a modest lifestyle I think you are not in the right company of men who will appreciate it. You aim for marriage and yet you are trying to find someone who is only interested in temporary relationship. This is also a problem.
What you are doing is trying to find Gold in a fish market. This is potentially wrong.
Well, what do I say? I am not Scandinavian nor European. So, I don't really know what to say here. Good luck 🍀

[Asker]

Thank you for the help! I guess I confuses being humble and pitying myself.

[AmeerX]

Hi, hey don't pity yourself. What I wrote to you would have made a girl really angry and here I got the MHO.

I hope something changed for you in the month. If not why not because you seem like a nice girl to take time to reply back here.
And being humble and self pitying is okay. You can be grumpy about it but do you really want marriage?

[Hulk_kitty]

There is no harm making the effort, reach out to guys you are interested in, put yourself on a dating site.

It doesn't matter what you are as person, your skills, looks, what's this world wants from you, is what you have to offer. Just cause you may be pretty, talented, good at sex etc, that doesn't mean your entitled to be approached by guys.

Plus you have to understand, the dating world has changed over the years, guys are much more resevered and not so keen on approaching girls much nowadays, as they getting rejected a lot, and girls been rude to guys for approaching them.

The guys the will only approach you in person, are generally players, looking for sex.

The truth of it is, majority of guy nowadays are not willing to approach girls much nowadays. I am not saying all guys, there are the few who do approach.

[Hulk_kitty]

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/8bR_2BHa-e0

most women are finding the same, men are not approaching women.

[Asker]

Thank you for writing back to me! By listening to my parents and grandparents tell me the stories of how they met, your point about the changes in the dating scene makes sense.

[Hulk_kitty]

I wouldn't listen to your parents or grandparents, society and generations have changed. Unforunately genders are at war with each other some what, cause of expectations of each other.
Its hard for both genders in the dating, everyone is finding it a difficult to navigate the dating scene.

[Asker]

@hulk_kitty But even though I understand that times have changed, I just wish guys would answer me when I say something. I am very shy, so it takes a lot of effort to participate in a conversation with people I don’t know well. Most guys don’t even answer or look at me when I try, and honestly, it makes me very sad. What can I do?

[Hulk_kitty]

Have you tried dating sites, approaching people in person doesn't really work anymore. If I want a partner, I would go on a dating site.
Majority of people I know from family, friends, collegues, have all found their partners from dating sites, and not from approaching someone in public.

[Hulk_kitty]

However with dating sites, make sure you do your research, because not all dating sites are good, some are just for people looking for sex or hookups.

[Hulk_kitty]

Plus you are trying the old fashioned way of trying to get a partner, like I said, times have changed. The old fashioned way doesn't work anymore, approaching guys in public won't work anymore.
most people go to dating sites, if they are looking for a soul mate.

[Asker]

Yes, that is the main impression I have of such sites. Because of the way I feel about myself, I would not risk showing up to a date where the guy is disappointed in the way I look or something else. I really believe that I can find someone in real life. That is what all of my friends have done.

[Hulk_kitty]

Its up to you, I can't really help you, as don't really know you. maybe you should ask friends for help, and ask their honest opinion on what you are doing wrong. You need to ask people who close to you.

[Asker]

Thank you for giving me new perspectives. I really appreciate it!

[Hulk_kitty]

no worries.

[KingOfMe1]

It's simple. You're expecting guys to do all the tough stuff. These are boys you were dealing with and still young men. They are just as scared as you are in some cases. You have to take control. Ask the guys out and for their number. Think for yourself. Many girls don't do that because they believe guys dont like it. Guys don't like a chase. They don't. The ones that do are probably players.

You're waiting on some guy to do it; you gotta do it.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Look I think you sound awesome but high school isn't really the best time for guys to approach a woman that isn't doing everything except hitting them on the head with a hammer to signal interest. I suspect college and young adulthood will be far more productive for you. Just stay true to who you are, be pleasant and low drama and you'll have your choice of suitors in no time.

[Starrrboy]

You said you're shy and introverted , maybe you look stoic and not very approachable... Just act girly and know how to flirt.. if there's a guy you like you can flirt just with your eyes.. but also don't be overly nice and beg for people's attention or then you'll get sidelined or taken for granted..

[LunarEclipse433]

Hard to tell without pictures and more info. A beautiful girl can ruin things with her attitude. I'm sure ladies feel the same about guys

[Asker]

Very understandable! A poor attitude is very unattractive. I try to be a nice and comfortable character to the people around me, but I have no idea how people perceive me.

[In_Trance]

Without knowing what you look like, it must be something you're saying or doing (or not)

[Asker]

Understand your point. I believe I summed myself up (unfortunately without picture in order to stay anonymous), so I am also trying to look for something I’m saying or doing or not.

[Luckycharms12]

Loads different reasons don't know you or seen you hard to say

[Asker]

By only reading the description, did you catch any “errors”?

[Luckycharms12]

It's hard to meet people nowadays. Maybe music and other hobbies could meet someone nice

[Asker]

Thank you. I should try that

[Luckycharms12]

Or body language is another thing that could come across closed off

[Asker]

Okay, yes. I am very introverted so now that you say that, I might seem very closed off. Thank you!

[Luckycharms12]

No problem any time

[shortster]

I doubt you're ugly based on your description. However, I wouldn't know with out seeing your face.

[Asker]

I get that it is hard to say. By definition, I am probably the definition of average where I come from. But still, not knowing bothers me.

[Anonymous]

Well normally I'd assume you're simply just not putting yourself out there as typically that is most girls problems. But you say you are so I'm just going to move on to the next possibility. What exactly are you saying to them? I'm assuming you have decent communication skills. You ever read a Dale Carnegie book? People's favorite subject is themselves. Talk to a person about themselves and you'd be amazed how positively they respond most the time.

[Truthatanycost]

I stopped approaching women decades ago. Thus it wouldn't matter what she looked like. I wouldn't be approaching. There are better ways of spending time...