I’m 25 but men almost never approached me, flirt, or ask for my number?

Question

First of all I know I look like I’m in college but I’m actually 25. Embarrassing to admit but I have never been in a relationship. I can count on one hand the number of dates I’ve been on! Even in college guys never really approached me and didn’t ask me out and me being the shy person I am didn’t approach many people either (female or male).

The closest to getting approached by guys would be sometimes when I’m walking down the street there’s some homeless men who compliment me but literally that’s it. I remember guys in high school sometimes talked to me but guys in college hardly talked to me and same goes for the guys at work.

I know that if a man’s interested, he will approach especially if he is confident so why is it that I haven’t been approached in years? I really hesitated to post pictures but thought I should in case I need to change my style or something.

I feel like my shyness is the main reason why but then again I see other shy people who are in relationships. School has always been a priority for me but after hearing so many people getting engaged, I can’t help but feel like there’s something else wrong with me that drives men away other than me being shy.

I’m 25 but men almost never approached me, flirt, or ask for my number?

abc3643 · Accepted Answer

You are definitely a candidate for Beautiful Girl Syndrome Type 2...
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If you Google "Beautiful Girl Syndrome", that's basically saying that beautiful girls can be bitchier and high maintenance because guys are willing to put up with more because she is so beautiful. Guys won't put up with so much shit and work if the girl isn't so attractive.

"Beautiful Girl Syndrome Type 2" is a phrase I coined, but it's a real thing I discovered not quite 40 years ago. This will take some time to explain...

All guys need to feel that they can "win". They view things as something like a competition in which there is some goal that they want to achieve. If a guy wants something and he believes that there is SOME possibility that he may get it, he will get emotionally involved. If he begins to believe that he won't get that, then he begins to withdraw and get emotionally detached. However, sometimes a guy doesn't even think he has a chance, so he doesn't bother...

And this is where "Beautiful Girl Syndrome Type 2" comes in. If a girl is really beautiful, a regular guy thinks:
1. There are a zillion other guys who want her.
2. She almost certainly already has a boyfriend.
3. There is no way she'd be attracted to me; I am not anything special.
4. If she did date me, she'd dump me for some better-looking guy who will hit on her and there definitely will be such a guy.
5. She's going to be bitchy and high maintenance. (In other words, he's thinking she suffers from normal Beautiful Girl Syndrome.)

So, he basically thinks that
1) he doesn't have a chance to get her,
2) if he did, she's going to be a lot of work, and then
3) he'll lose her.

Because oceans of guys think like this - the only exception being the hunky guys - the beautiful girl either can't find a guy or goes with dickhead hunky guys (who suffer from Beautiful Guy Syndrome). Of course, the regular guys see the beauties with the hunky guys and that just reinforces their belief that they don't have a chance...

Oh, and one more thing: Since the beautiful girls can get guys, they are getting laid... So, any new boyfriend has to "compete" against all of her past lovers and many guys don't think they are going to "measure up" (if you know what I mean) compared to those past hunky guys.

So, a beautiful girl needs to be proactive and hit on men instead of waiting for them to hit on her. A beautiful girl being proactive removes doubts males have regarding Beautiful Girl Syndrome Type 2.

Just to reiterate, this is Beautiful Girl Syndrome Type 2 in a nutshell:

If a girl is attractive enough, many guys will not approach her simply because:

1. He thinks he doesn't have a shot because:
A. He thinks she's already taken. After all, a girl that attractive is going to have lots of guys hitting on her.
B. Even if she was available, like with all women, no guy wants to get shot down. With a beautiful girl, guys expect that they will get shot down.

2. If he did get her, she'd be a lot of work to keep her.

3. ... and then she'll eventually leave him for a better-looking / richer guy anyway.

DaveJord · Accepted Answer

Honestly, the shyness is probably it. They way you present yourself, with your looks can intimated even the most confident of men. And you're too good looking to probably find any sucess on dating apps. So please allow me to discet all of that.

Shyness

Okay, some guys say they like shy girls, because it is often misconstrued as being innocence. Which is probably true, but that only plays for limited amount of time if your not engaging with men.

Shyness can also be and indicator of deep rooted insecurities or social awkwardness, that makes you unapproachable. Before I even think of approaching a women, I looking for eye contact with some type of recognition from you, and hopefully a smile. But if you're so shy that you just walk by me without even acknowledging me, then its not going happen. Its literally not worth my time to attempt to get you to over come your inabitions just to say hi. I deserve and expect better from potential romantic interests.

You are very attractive, but if you don't have an out going personally most guys will inturpet your shyness as being stuck up Like you're to good to acknowledge me or say hi, because you must think you're better then me or could do better. So your shyness with your looks can be very intimidating. And let's be honesty, good looking people expect to be chased, and most genuine men that you might be interested think the same. They expect you to engage on some level, be it with hello, or just a smile and eye contact. If you give nothing then you get nothing.

Your too good looking for dating apps

If you tried to use a dating app, you'd get your inbox flooded with so many of the wrong types of guys, it would be overwhelming. You'd get frustrated and all those insecurities that your shyness belies will trigger. So I don't think you'd last a week online before giving up.

So what to do?

Get over the shyness, talk to men. Say hi, smile and make eye contact if you see someone you like. Don't put it all on the man to overcome your weaknesses on his own, get the courage and approach people, help them out a little. Say hi first. Its not sexy to just assume the man should do everything to get the ball rolling. There are so many settle indicators you can give a guy. Guys need encouragement and honestly we like confident women, that aren't scare to take the chance. If its fear of rejection then get over it, men are rejected 10:1 by women on a daily.

At some piont you have to take control of your own destiny. Sounds to me that you have never taken any direct actions, or tried to change your approach in any way. You just expect it to happen. And maybe it will, but you could also play an active hand in the process yourself.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You are pretty. I admit the same. I have never been in any relationship either. Cheers! They didn't approach you because you didn't even flirt with them or might have looked too hard to approach. But guys approached me, but I rejected all the guys who have because I was not looking forward to have a relationship with them. I started to look more hard to approach because I didn't wanted any of the guys around me that I already knew. I was not looking to have relationship with any of them either. I haven't still identified the right person yet. I will look hard till I find that one. Same might be happening with your situation. You might be looking too hard to approach because guys generally don't like to push too much on a girl who is too disconnected with feelings, relationships, flirting games, etc. If you want relationship with someone, you need to let them know your interest either directly or indirectly. Indirectly means through flirting. You need to flirt back with him and he will understand your interest and might approach you because he will be sure that you like him. But don't play games with any guy by flirting without any intentions because it will hurt him worst. Only flirt back with a guy that you are interested in. And look for his signals on how he reacts to that so you can understand if he will take it forward or if he doesn't want to. Some guys also play the flirting game without any intentions so be careful with them as they play only with your feelings and hurt you when you fall for them. Flirt only with a guy that you think is serious about you whom you are interested in. I hope this helps

Rania05 · Accepted Answer

If that's the real you, I don't see why you wouldn't be approached. Depending on which country you're from, the social atmosphere differs. And I'm 17, too young to judge why, as a shy girl myself who had always been flirted with by same age to 10 years older men.

It's understandable you're feeling weird, honestly with all dating around in my class last year I felt like an odd ball there, especially after I found myself with the habit of coldly rejecting giving my number to strange boys in street.

I'm not prettier than you for sure, you broke my concept that college students to late 20s women are the category that gets flirted with the most, so I also want to know an answer.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

You have an extremely pretty face. How is the rest of your bdy?

God_of_Thunder · Answer

Well, I don't think it has anything to do with your looks; you're quite pretty.

So, I would assume it has something to do with your shyness, or the way you carry yourself. Sure, a confident guy will approach a pretty girl, but it's possible that, due to your shyness, you may inadvertantly make yourself seem like you don't want to be approached.

If you keep to yourself, don't make eye contact, and generally just set yourself apart, you may appear somewhat off-putting to a potential guy. Women generally get approached by more guys if they seem fun, engaging, and inviting.

Granted, there are guys who will approach the quiet girl who's there alone, but 9 times out of 10, she really does want to be left alone. Once the guy gets shot down by those, they don't try that again.

It could also be that you just don't put yourself in a position to be noticed. If you'rs shy, do you have a social life, or hobbies, that take you to the kind of places where men go to meet women? If you avoid social gatherings, then you just might not show up on too many guys' radars.

rtj1211 · Answer

Well, you certainly have a very pretty face, so you will not fail to get the initial attention of plenty of guys.

Have you tried smiling at guys you would like to come and say Hi to you? Even if only one in five came over, you'd only have to smile at 10 guys a day to strike up conversation with at least one.

By the way, I wouldn't say your top picture makes you look at college. The second one, yes, but not the top one. And the top one is most striking.

There is of course, the professional matchmaking agency market to consider. That way, you get 3-6 introductions to people they consider would be potential matches.

The counterpoint to that is the 'speed dating' environment. You sign up to chat for a few minutes to a few dozen guys over an evening. Most you reject, but you may end up with two or three potential dates.

I know those things aren't spontaneous, maybe less 'romantic', but if you've not a single date yet by the 'natural, romantic route', maybe you should try the more pragmatic approach?

The worst outcome would be you'd have an hour of conversation with your girl friends about what dorks you met at the speed dating session?

And your shyness could disappear in speed dating as you don't need to worry about making mistakes with one or two, because you've got 20+ more shots at it before the evening is out!

FunkyMonkee · Answer

Hey, good lookin'!! How's about a date? Can I have your number?

I never had a date until I was almost 25! I've always been on the shy side, too. so far, I've only gotten interest from about 11 or 12 women and only 3 of them have turned out to be anything (The rest were only literally momentary flings! Nothing lasting more than an hour or 3.). Two of them only lasted a couple months. All 3 were legally married, at the time! here was a 4th that WOULD'VE become something (she was also married!!) but, as she lives in Bulgaria and couldn't find a way to come see me, she stopped talking to me.

Anyway, you ARE good looking and I'd go out with you in a heartbeat! But I don't think it's you, per se. Women have fucked over men for eons and I think they're just getting tired of it!! On top of that, you've got all this politically correct bullshit spreading like wildfire and the metoo thing and some girls accusing guys of shit they never did, etc., so, you can lay a hefty amount of the blame on your sisters!! Also, I've seen DOZENS of women here complaining about still being virgins in their mid to late 20's or just not being able to find dates so, it's NOT just YOU!

There's also the thing where guys might think that you're so pretty that you MUST already have a boyfriend or two and several more in line waiting their turn to date you so, there's no point in even trying!

JustAnj · Answer

Don't take this the wrong way please, you can try dressing more maturely to look your age as well as give yourself a cute fashionable short haircut to compliment your face.

These are a few examples you can look up more, you can also look for more colorful clothing too. You are shy but want to stand out to guys too. If you say that with your style and look you will attract guys and they will see you as approachable over thinking you are to young or immature to date.

lightbulb27 · Answer

This doesn't make sense to me. you don't look shy in those pics. Shy is a problem in that you are expecting them to do the work and a good number of guys are not confident. Guys can like you and run away from you. Girls who are engaging, active, maybe aggressive... but not too much, win much more. that's life.

I don't see an issue with appearance. So personality and how you come across... maybe an issue. I found 24-30 frustrating ages because didn't seem to be any available girls around, and I didn't like going out to bars... so where does one go. You might think about how you are interacting with people whever you go, there's opportunities all around.

Lionman95 · Answer

I think one of the biggest problems could be that guys think you´re a minor. Don´t get me wrong because I´m surely no expert in fashion in general. But one factor at least when I go out is I try to figure out how old a woman could be since I learned from home that asking a woman for her age is a no-go.

But besides that times generally have changed and only a minority of guys actually persues women they meet as strangers hence the self-confidence of us guys has gone down so the fear of rejection surpasses the hope of success.

RavVid · Answer

Well you look cute - beautiful face by the way. so no problem in that respect.

Look because men have been vilified so much, a lot are hesitant to do so in case you call the cops when they say hello. Like I saw some girls who worked for the same company at a bar and I said hello to them and I work for XYZ too. Boy did they react adversely! Made me think twice about saying hello to a girl at a bar again for a while.

With dating apps I suspect direct approaches are becoming more and more unlikely.

Being shy is a problem but how shy are you? If I approached you would you chat with me or be monosyllabic. It would help us advise you if you clarified how shy you are because there are different degrees.

RolandCuthbert · Answer

Well, you know why a lot of guys don't approach you. And since you are shy, have you ever considered joining a meetup group where you go out with some people who have similar interests?

It is all about being social. The more social you are, the less apprehensive you will be when talking to members of the opposite sex and the more opportunities you will give them to interact with you.

Beat Social Anxiety and Shyness! The Largest Global Zoom Chats!
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https://www.meetup.com/international-friend-connection/events/288483778/

FilmGuy93 · Answer

Even confident men have stopped approaching, honestly. The effort just isn't worth the reward. If you want to improve your chances of being approached, you'll need to make a more intentional effort about smiling at men, saying "hello," and generally coming across like you want to interact with people. There are tons of women who will look straight at the ground or have their headphones in when they're out and about.

I'm an extremely confident guy; when I see a woman with earbuds in, I think "oh, that person doesn't want to be talked to."

glennos89 · Answer

I don't know why other guys don't talk to you but I can tell you the reason why I probably wouldn't start a conversation with you if I see you...

You are a really attractive woman without a doubt so a lot of times I automaticly assume that you probably have a boyfriend already but you are single I feel you are out of lead because you are looking so good.

Im also a shy person so making contact is difficult for already but because you look so amazing I assume that you probably have enough better looking guys to choose from then me. I'm not really a insecure guy and I feel pretty allright about the way I look but with girls like you I can start to feel insecure a little bit and think that you would never pick me out of all those better looking guys out there 🤷🏼‍♂️

I know it sounds dumb maybe but that's what I would feel and think at the moment I see you 🙈

jshm2 · Answer

To be fair, you look psycho with those buggy eyes and that tight smile.

Also, the hair is rather old fashioned and your demeanour comes across as rather "stuck up". Obviously your being shy can be misinterpreted for that. But your lack of friends, and lack of good things being said about you by them, will play a large part in why you've seen no action - or relationships.

Suggest you get a style makeover, and get some new friends. Maybe even move to a new place and start over.

xJeremyx · Answer

Ask your friends. They are the ones who have the clearest view of you as a person, as they can see your blind spots. Ask them, what do they think makes you unattractive, or what do they think you can do to put yourself out there.

Also, take a closer look at your friends. Sometimes it is not you, but the people around you who exert a repelling force on people who are new to you.

Lastly, take it slowly. It is ok to be single. Enjoy life, work on yourself, and remain confident. Confidence is attractive.

And if you fancy a guy, just gather up the courage to talk to him or even ask him out. It won't always work out, but when it does, you'll thank yourself for it.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

"if a man’s interested, he will approach especially if he is confident"

Nope.

Most men will not approach women they think are attractive in public settings, they will approach a female friend they have known a long time to ask for a date, but a stranger? nah. Especially if she's pretty, because that means 99% chance she's taken already.

There are exceptions, but 99.999% of the men who are exceptions to this rule, are all sleezbags that will hump you then ditch you.

In a post feminism world, women have to approach, no intelligent guy is going to risk being labeled and arrested because they flirted with a stranger in public.

Moose304 · Answer

If You and I were in the same sports bar where my friends and I hang out, and I noticed you were sitting alone I would either approach you or ask another. Just to invite you to where we are at having fun. What you have to understand is a lot of men have changed their behavior in places. A man can actually be arrested if they bother you. They can be kicked out of a place. You may not be like that but will suffer because of the actions of other ladies. Listen I don't follow that MGTOW BS and I am not taking blue and red pills. It's just that I have two eyes and over the last 30 years have noticed how these dynamics have changed. The average male will NOT approach a female today. I'm terribly sorry this has happened.

Massageman · Answer

You really need to start hanging around guys who are not brain dead.

Well, you could try the "damsel in distress" approach. Go to a hardware store, and ask a guy to help you find _______________.(something) . In a food store, if a guy is in the produce section, ask how to find a good watermelon. (moderate light spot on the bottom). Then, after successfully finding your target item, etc., offer to buy him a coffee as a gesture of thanks. Take it from there.

Get a hairstyle that makes you look a teeny bit older. Maybe try a sweep across your forehead (more like pic #1), or some swept bangs?

Good luck.

Anonymous · Answer

Listen... Look... I tell 100% your problem. But it would be better if you understand it yourself. Go to this ebook. Read Paul Hutsey’s Story on page 61-68.

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I know without a doubt this is your problem because you're literally a 10 so it can only be this. It gonna sound like nothing you ever learn but try it and I promise it will work for you. Understand it and apply it.

Nothing is wrong with you. I'd wife the fuck out of you. Assuming you're not a psycho and are kind.

JamesDiaz11 · Answer

There is probably something about you that is intimidating to guys, or the way you carry yourself tells guys that you don't want to be approached.

It's hard to discern from what you've said, and clearly none of us know you irl, but you are pretty, and it'd be surprising to know that guys don't approach you in some way.

user4477388 · Answer

Well looking at your pictures you're a very beautiful woman I would ask you out. But maybe you can use your shyness as a advantage.. there are some guys who find shyness and genuine niceness to be very attractive so play the shyness turn it into a flirt this could be a way to get more dates and turn it into a strong point. Also there are dating sites that cater to shy people. Try playing footsie at a restaurant or bar.
I'm not sure what you want in a guy what you find attractive some people date their age some date older or younger ! There's something out there for everyone some people especially shy people have to work a lot harder I used to be in your shoes it's not easy but when you find someone it can be fun.
I think you're shyness is your strength.
Pretend to be clumsy on someone you like.
Keep smiling you're very beautiful you will find someone special and who shares your likes and vales

melanieeeB · Answer

I think it's maybe more your shyness? And you might give off a "don't approach vibes" ... cause otherwise I can't explain, you're really beautiful! 🙏🏼

Are you going out with your girls? Cause I was also thinking right now, you can't meet someone if you're always home thing

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