Search Results: trying to hurt me

I have not really gotten off the ground running on just about everything in life. It is really hurting my self-esteem and has left me feeling ignored, irrelevant, bored, and feeling like I am losing my ever fucking mind.

I will provide a few examples:

One, I have been trying to sell my independent web services. I am a talented web developer. I acknowledge AI is making it easier to create web apps and websites, but not everyone has fully adopted it yet for these purposes. I had a few clients and created websites for them last year. I received mostly positive feedback, and I offered my services for a steal. I was supposed to work on one more website for another small business, and it has been over 6 months and I haven't heard a thing from them. That is now $1,500 I will not be getting. They are a landscaping supply company, so this time of year would be ideal. Meanwhile, I launched a website trying to gain clients. No calls, no web form submissions, nothing. I advertise, sometimes cold call, reach out to other recruiters and company owners... nothing. One of my clients from last year that I was told needed updates, they have yet to provide me with anything. Potential and existing clients are pulling back.

Then, I am spending a lot of my time now trying to advocate and raise awareness about our crumbling public safety infrastructure in my state, as it has become very problematic. I have spoken with news organizations, and they now either lie saying they will "get to it" or I am ignored and sidelined.

I feel like I am not taken seriously now, and that I have become irrelevant.

I never had anyone have my back, growing up, and i recognized that my lack of allies meant I'd be seen as an easy target, so I got really big, and I'd never fight fair.

For instance, one kid started a fight with me and threw a few punches, I smashed my elbow into his jaw as hard as I could and threw him down. As he got up, I lifted my right leg up and stomped his face onto the wood floor as hard as I could, forcing him to lay there.

Needless to say, nobody put their hands on me again for quite a while when they saw that. I did this because I felt if I can't protect myself with numbers, if I engage in such cruel methods of self defense which leave the opponent hurt so much worse than me, people will be too afraid of me to try that again.

Medication I had to take to survive also made my fingernails grow very fast, I used this to my advantage. For instance, one girl tried to cut the line to sign out for the bathroom. She grabbed the pen, I sank my nails deep into her hand and slid them down, forming a gash in her hand. This made her let go and recoil, calling me insane as she observed her bleeding hand.

I hated this girl all my life, she had a big mouth and thought she could screw with me because she was tall, this incident reminded her that while she's 6'1", she weighed well under 100 pounds and I was already 180 pounds and lean at that point.

I did this because I believed i could never let anyone have even the tiniest little inch, or others will see it and think I'm an easy target cause I had no friends. She tried to cut me in front of the class, so I stood up for myself and let it be known to everyone that I will not tolerate even the smallest bit of messing with me.

As for those who tried to physically bully me, I never bothered fighting fair, I'd claw at their eyes with my long, curved fingernails if I was in a headlock. On many cases, I put my nails into their eyes before they let go, horrified at my brutal methods. How did you do?