Search Results: what goes on between you and your girlfriend

Hey everyone, I’m looking for your input and advice. ****not complaining, I just need help understanding bc I’m a dumb cis straight white male****

Am I leading these women on somehow?

I went through a breakup in September, with 0 bad terms between us, she was way out of my league both physically and as a human. I was and still am deeply in love with her, and I never shut the fuck up about her to people while I was with her (almost 2 years). We’re still super close.

about me (just trust that my self assessment is true for this exercise): I’m a lot of fun, around 30 years old, attractive but not active, so I have a dad bod but I’m really fucking funny and charismatic. I have a lot of beautiful platonic and meaningful female friendships that are strictly friendships. I’m a sweet heart and people are generally protective of me, because I’m depressed and having a hard time and they all love me more than I do. Aka, women see that and feel safe around me.

at the same time, I have a dad bod, my life is a mess right now, I’m openly still in love with my girlfriend, I communicate that “I’m not ready to date anyone right now.” I’m about to start attending both NA and AA meetings. I feel like somehow, me being at the lowest point in my life, is somehow attracting all these beautiful women who are initiating conversations with me and asking me to hang out.

I haven’t slept with anyone since my ex because I’m not ready for that, it would make me too sad. But, I’m a total flirt.
Anyway, one of my gal pals said that my behavior is confusing, because I’m vulnerable and texting with them, and still flirty. But I’m just thinking like, “surely my life is so shitty right now that no woman wants any part of the mess that I am right now.”

so why do you think I’m getting this new attention?

In general I notice women tend to casually throw “oh he’s my friend” or “we’re friends” more quickly and easily then men do in similar social interactions. Guys usually are much more careful on who we become real friends with vs. just being friendly. There is a difference.

The acid test is this. Could you give the keys to your house and trust this person to go into your room when you’re away? I could trust a friend but not someone I’m just “friendly” with. Also how far would you go out of your way to help this person.

You can be “friendly” with the following types of people but real friends:

- an ex boyfriend/girlfriend.
- a neighbor (in most circumstances)
- an authority figure
- someone who’s attracted to you but you don’t feel the same about them (or vice versa)
- an acquaintance you just met.

Why is that women particularly young women are so quick to throw out “we’re friends” label when they have not yet built up real trust and/or loyalty to the other person? When men hear another man say this it’s confirmation some real trust/respect is established between each other. But women will throw this out without really being at that point yet.

Tbh most would just leave I’m asking out of curiosity for myself because my girlfriend of 2 years (21) is leaving for a job opportunity in a different province. I’ve been through lots of shit with her, still love her after the wrong she’s done (saying it like that makes me feel sick but I do love her). I’ve half ass caught her on multiple occasions up until she caught an STI and I tested negative after almost a year of having unprotected sec together (that one broke us up for around 4 months until I saw her at a bar hooked up and got back together). I’ve snooped through her phone found texts between her and this one guy in the past meeting at a hotel while we were dating, I caught her texting another guy on multiple occasions on snap chat once she waited for me to fall asleep to rub herself and I’m assuming sext him in my bed while she thought I was sleeping (though I didn’t read the messages, I knew it was a guy she slept with in the past though and I know she was touching herself for certain), another guy she was really secretive with while we first started dating, one time I caught her dancing on a guy at the same bar I was at with her (unfortunately I lost my cool and blacked out on the guy who I later found out was the guy who met her at the hotel), one time when we were fighting she said she was going to a party with the same guy too. As I write this it breaks my heart because I’ve truly loved her for so long, I wanted to marry her and she has treated me as nothing less than worthless and I would never have done that too her under any circumstances. anytime no matter when in the relationship she was never willing to talk to me about it, she painted me out as jealous, she’d say I’m crazy, she’d say that’s why “we broke up for so long too heal” and the list goes on and on but tbh I’ve never gotten a real genuine answer or proof otherwise she’s cheated on me and I want to give her one but is it unfair to give her one last chance if she comes clean?