Reasons why he may be giving you false hope

[princesslibertarian]

I've been a stripper, sex/love therapist, and escort so through the years I’ve gotten to know many men and exactly how they work, because they TAUGHT me how they work. With this knowledge, I decided to start helping out women and teach them how to not be fucked over by the male species. Through my therapy career, I’ve had so many women wonder why a guy would give false hope and as someone who’s an expert at dealing with manipulators, narcissists, and gas-lighters let’s get into this.There are many reasons for giving false hope and NONE of those reasons are truly ever because “they don’t want to hurt you”. If ones intention is not to hurt they wouldn’t give false hope in the first place but let’s move on.

1) You’re a “safe to settle for” option

Every guy has that type of girl whether it be an ex, or someone new that they just don’t want to have as first pick. You see, if he can’t get the hottest, sexiest woman that he really wants, he will have a good fallback plan that he’d essentially learn to be happy with. If you’ve shown him devoted love and attention, you’re setting yourself up to become his safety plan in case he can’t achieve his opportunist goals when it comes to locking down his type.

2) You feed his ego

While he is out here looking for the woman he really desires, why not play with the good girls feelings and boost his self esteem while he’s at it? He knows you admire him and he can get validation and when I tell you men LOVE validation, I mean they LOVE it. He’ll make sure to reply and keep you interested so he continues to get his fix, meanwhile you’re thinking he genuinely wants you.

3) He enjoys watching you crumble

A LOT of men are downright abusive and manipulative, I have to say that. A LOT of them ebook knowing they can wield that power over someone so kind, loving, and vulnerable and it’s actually scary. I couldn’t ever fathom getting off on knowing I’m destroying someone by making them think happily ever after will happen between us…. I remember working at a fancy club in Europe and having a few men come in. I’d been their entertainer for the night and they were talking to me about how they enjoyed being able to put false hopes and dreams in a girls heart because it satisfies them mentally. Being their entertainment, my job was to just nod and smile but I simple shuddered at the fact there are men giving false hope to boost their self esteem. One of them went as far as to say he’d send a girl gifts and flowers with cards discussing marriage all to just ghost her in a few months… *YUCK*

4) He finds you therapeutic, but not relationship therapeutic

This is shitty, but it does happen. I remember as I was working a night shift in a beautiful club in Texas talking to this handsome business man. He’d been texting this girl and I said I’d come back later to give him his paid lap dance as he seemed busy and my time is money, and he says “no I’m just messaging my therapist”. I giggle and say, “therapist? At 3am?” He then explains to me that his “therapist” is an ex that has been fighting to get back with him because she loves him and he doesn’t love her anymore, but does find her to be soothing when it comes to his problems, so he has to keep her “hooked” so he can still reap the emotional benefits because if he told her there was no future, she’d leave and he’d have to only go to his new girlfriend (which she didn’t know about) for advice and his new girlfriend just “isn’t good at that stuff”.

I could go on and on with many more reasons, but these are just some of the few. Ladies, when false hope is given it can destroy you. When I retired from the sex industry and became a therapist, I saw how many young women had been expertly fooled into false hope and gave up years of their life for a man who was using them. If you feel false hope is being given, you need to leave. Don’t wait. Don’t waste your youth and beauty on men who want to waste you.💘

[AlphaGhost]

There some points I would like to point out,
Firstly you are just lying and nobody with their sound mind will tell you things you are claiming here and even if they did, these are nothing if we consider for vast career in sex industry cuz few bad apples can't be representative of all men.

Secondly I will tell you the real reason for your stupid mytake here,
You are a failure and single, men come and used you, then they left... why would anyone try to console with bitter loser, who is giving advice on something he failed very badly at.
''Woman and especially old hags will always try to ruin something for everybody jus cuz they don't have it or if they are sad, they want everybody life to be miserable"
OR "Just cuz I don't have it I will make sure nobody has it either"
That's what are you trying to do here and its very common woman behaviour, where other single woman always say your husband suck's to happily married woman leading to divorce... which ex spouses latter regrets.
He is not marrying you or cuz you lack one simple thing in relationship, ACCOUNTABILITY for you actions or mistakes and no good man will ever marry you or even if he did, it will end in divorce if you don't own up to your mistakes or accept your parts in problems and correct it.
Its 21st century and we don't have to marry someone to have good supply of sex, its available on palm of our hand...

[princesslibertarian]

As I said, I didn’t just do dancing. Dancing paid for my degree to become a relationship therapist and I’ve been happily married for a while now. Do the math… I started dancing when I was very young (few years) made enough money to pay for college for my degree in which I graduated early due to being top of my class, and I’m married. I’m not sure where this assumption comes that women who have stripped don’t get married and are all single. I met my husband while in college and had I not learned from the things men told me, I could’ve very easily ended up single and alone, yes.

[AlphaGhost]

1) First I don't realize you have a legit degree to back up your claim and I was under the impression, that you are just another lonely hag spreading shit and as an certified therapist you will understand why I have that impression.

90% of woman that claim I am doing everything are not actually doing it and they have fundamental character flaws like bad mouthing, bitching, lack of accountability, concept of one sided equality and always find a reason to justify their doing by putting a blame on men/other party.
Marriage is old concept and in those days it was balanced,
Where a men gets safe guaranteed sex, kids and household chores (which use to be extremely difficult in absence of tech) and woman gets security, stability and place to live.
Now US government have broken the concept of marriage and now its like a death sentence for men, the main reason or initiative for marriage SEX-KIDS are available to men without it and some G. F's are even willing to do house chores+ work.
on the flip side,
Marriage Rape, divorce rate, cheat with impunity, making away with 50% earning and killing someone kids cuz he break-up with you are main reasons behind men decisions to never commit and now nobody gives a fuck, what woman believes is definition of real men.
To reiterate,
Marriage was never beneficial to men and now we have no motive to marry cuz its like DEATH SENTENCE for 50% of men !

Woke society has destroyed simple concepts like marriage and it has already coming back to BITE WOMAN IN ASS, this nothing just wait for it and your condition will be like DENMARK
johndavis.gonevis.com/.../
Read it that's the future !

[CallmeTheKnight]

In the line of work you've done, there is no way you know how men work at all. There are big differences between a man who receives lap dances and pay for sex vs a man who has sexual discipline and picky about the type of woman he wants. You've only exposed yourself to men who are basically not sexually stable or secure in themselves. Now we can agree on things about those men that you've been around I'll admit that. However, you don't know enough about men in general.

There are men who are abusive, manipulative, and gaslighters, but there is also a lot that wouldn't dare do that. The amount of people that go for the bad and put up with it is ridiculous. People seek help, but never hold themselves accountable for wasting their own time and picking the wrong ones.

If we view a woman to be significant to us, then we give them the best. Provide and protection rightfully belongs to those type of women and not the ones that are constantly making poor decisions followed with resentment.

We're not complicated at all.

[Gene9]

Hmm interesting, sounds more right to what I thought too. But like, I had a guy who pursued/chased me, and I started liking him, then he said he wasn’t ready for something serious. I ignored him, and yet again he started chasing me, till the point he asked what I felt for him after many months. I told him and he once again told me he wasn’t ready. But like… he told me I was sexy and used to compliment me physically, but didn’t like me? I don’t get it?

[CallmeTheKnight]

He was playing games and greedy, that's it. He didn't want you to get with another man, but didn't want to commit at all. His actions and words proved that.
Why make all that effort if it's gonna be for nothing in the end? Whenever a man is doing all that and he simply backs down when you show interest in pursuing something meaningful, it's best to block him so he can leave you alone.

[Gene9]

Hmmmm why didn’t he want me with someone else? Did he like the control/power he had on me?

[CallmeTheKnight]

Simply put, he wanted have his cake and eat it too. You'll drive yourself crazy trying to figure him out. He was full of shit

[Gene9]

Ohh. Like having the benefits of a relationship without committing. But even when he was interested first? He used to compliment me though, mainly physically? . Told me I was sexy etc…. So I thought he might have liked me :(

[CallmeTheKnight]

That's all there is. Tell you what you want to hear just to keep you around. Hopefully you didn't sleep with him

[Gene9]

No I didn’t I told him I have boundaries and I told him to stop pursuing me if he didn’t want a relationship and yet he came back after 5 months to ask if I still liked him. And when I asked him what he thought of me, he told me he wanted to be friends and let’s see what happens shit. I’m feeling I wasn’t pretty enough for him :’(

[CallmeTheKnight]

If he has your head spinning like that, then the both of you were never a match to begin with. He wants to be friends and see where it goes... I call BS. You don't have to be friends in the beginning to have a good relationship with someone. He basically entered your life and told you to wait until he makes up his mind. Don't fall for that

[princesslibertarian]

You seem to have only paid attention to the fact I danced, but ignored the fact I became a therapist after. Dancing is what helped pay for that degree so it isn’t just men in clubs. Being a relationship therapist, I’ve had lots of men admit things and I can’t wait to share that too! I’ve learned twice as much about men being in the line of therapy work as I had in the dance industry. Being in the therapy line of work especially love/sex aspect of therapy, I’ve had men that society considers “perfect” fully admit to things behind a closed door. Lots of them gaslight and manipulate, it’s not just in a club setting that shitty men flock to. That’s an absurd assumption and if it was true, none of us therapists would have any male clients lol

[Gene9]

Thank you! @callmetheknight

I already called him out on his bullshit and told him that I knew he was trying to play games and string me along and that I wasn’t going to play along. That he needed to find another easier, weaker prey to prey on, because I respected myself. I blocked him everywhere and told him that he had lost me as a friend forever.

[CallmeTheKnight]

Atta Girl! Nothing like self respect and self love. All he would've done was string you further along and use the same old excuse.

[Gene9]

I was really kind before he did this. He will look for me in every other girl one day, only to see me happy with a man who truly deserves me❤️

[CallmeTheKnight]

The next best thing for you to do is to now leave him in the past

[Gene9]

He is way in the past 😂 he’ll get what he deserves

[Ironmunkee]

@Gene9 @callmetheknight

This dialogue between you two helped me greatly. I am in a similar relationship and was being gaslighted for quite some time except the sexes are reversed. I broke up with her a few days ago. I thought about going back but this discussion you two had helped so much.

Thanks

[Gene9]

So happy we could help! These conversations help me a lot as well because it validates the point that I made the right decision! We need to see our worth and that we all deserve true lasting love!❤️

[Rose_84]

This article should be taught in schools, be shared worldwide and even in outer space.
I don't know why these men are so fucking emotionless? I'm going through the same, he lied that he forgot his ex but I found out he still miss her yet trying on me and others. I ghosted him and let him cry and bark or die. They love ruining our lives for their fragile and weak soul.
Thank you so much for suffering with pigs and sharing your wisdom, it's like the universe talked to me right now. These men even divided women in the old times to have more control on them. Patriarchy! FINALLY we all are reuniting and trust me, women power is the strongest because if we can give this much in love/relationships then imagine how strong we will be together defeating these bad men? You created this example. Women are not women's enemies but we are each other's natural besties. Men love setting up women to feel insecure, jealous and compete against each other.
If one more misleading guy like that tries to date me, I'll ruin his life, crush him, his self esteem and I'm a better player now after observing these manipulators. Karma always bites back and I've also seen them suffer.

[Gene9]

I don't necessarily think it's got anything to do with the woman's looks. The way you're describing it here it sounds like "you're not hot enough for me". That's not always the case, because if you're not hot enough he wouldn't be pursuing you to begin with. You could be the hottest, sexiest girl ever, but HE STILL won't COMMIT.

If he is keeping you as an option, its likely because 1) he isn't ready to settle down, but he might be in the future and therefore he needs someone to fall back on 2) you're a good girl with a lot of good traits and he doesn't want to lose the chance on perhaps having that some day. OR 3) He finds you sexually appealing BUT IS NOT invested or interested in you EMOTIONALLY. THAT IS WHAT commitment comes down to. No guy settles for the hottest girl long term BECAUSE SHE IS HOT?

IT'S almost never because you're not sexy enough. It's always got to do with HIS intentions with what he wants in life. He simply doesn't love you, but wants you around IN CASE he never falls in love with another girl. He is looking for emotional connection with others when he doesn't find it with you. He isn't always looking for someone hotter...

[princesslibertarian]

True, one could be very attractive and still not get commitment however even an average looking woman could just be being used as a placeholder. It happens all of the time.
After I left the industry and used that money to pay for college I met my husband while I was in college and while I’m pretty, I’m not model gorgeous. By then I’d learned so much from men that I knew whether he was taking me seriously or not. He wasn’t keeping me around IN CASE he didn’t find another girl, hence why I married him. My point is, some women allow themselves to be a safe to settle for option and as someone who is now a relationship/sex therapist, I can tell you that’s going to lead to a divorce and has

[Gene9]

Yea, exactly. My point was only that just because a guy doesn't commit, doesn't mean the girl wasn't attractive enough. Because if that was the case, then all guys would commit ONLY because of looks and nothing else, which obviously isn't true. Like would a guy commit to a girl who he views as extremely sexually attractive but doesn't love her? Why would he do that, when he knows he simply doesn't care for her, the sex alone won't make him want her for life.

[malwins]

You could be the hottest, sexiest girl ever, but HE STILL won't COMMIT.

[Finchie40]

Girl’s are just as bad , one thing I learned in life through my experiences with girls and things I witnessed in other people’s relationships , Everyone has selfishness in them , and we all have hope , when we give our heart to someone we hope they give their heart back the same , nobody wants to be cheated on , and nobody wants to be played, we all have insecurities in us and low self esteem about ourselves , what most people don’t grasp is the only real way for love to grow between 2 people is you both have to remove selfishness for each other and that’s where a lot of relationships fail , because most people do not know how to remove selfishness , most people just do what is best for themselves and most people can’t admit to themselves they are wrong , it’s always easier to point fingers at someone else instead of pointing fingers at yourself and play a victim. We as people can only really give what we want to receive , when a relationship becomes one sided that’s when relationships start to fall apart. The only way a relationship will last and for love to grow is you both have to make each other your number 1 priority and wear each other’s shoes , if you can’t make your partner your number 1 priority like they make you , your relationship will fail , when people choose their friends and family over their partners, that’s when things go bad , your partner needs to be your best friend , your go to , over anyone else , whether you agree or disagree with your partner , you fix it before leaning on to someone else , Most people don’t grasp that concept and wonder why they are having troubles in their relationships , It’s good to have friends and it’s good to love and be there for your family , but if you choose them over your partner you are allowing fire to enter your relationship , you can’t expect someone to remove selfishness for you if you can’t remove selfishness for them , Just because you think something is ok it doesn’t mean your partner will feel the same , whatever you tell your partner not to do , has to be the same for you as well , if they stop what you told them to stop doing , If not that is a double standard and will just make resentments grow , Things will not always be perfect in a relationship , we are all imperfect people , but when you respect and sacrifice for your partner they should be doing the same
For you , if not then there is no relationship , you are best to walk away , Selfishness is the biggest relationship killer ,

[baserunner611]

True, but love ❤️ hopefully 🙏🙏🙏🙏

[Y5WNxMarvo]

Goated

[malwins]

Rofl speak for yourself

[CaptainOverthink]

Uuhm.. Respectfully..
That's a rather narrow viewpoint. Those types of work-environments attract a certain kind of person.. you know, not all men go to stripclubs or do escorts. in my opinion, very few does.

Then let's add the human bias..
The human brain likes to find patterns and so we do (does not mean they're true). I'm sure you've met guys there that were not like this as well. But do you remember them as well as you do the ones that left a bad impression, according to studies we tend to remember bad/upsetting things better because they're more likely to be threats/problems to keep an eye on.
So if our memories are biased toward remembering bad stuff, how could we trust the patterns that we form from personal experience?
It can be useful to keep suspicions in mind but to broadcast it as a truth to others is irresponsable.

Not sure if you're at all interested in men but if you are then I just think this skewed viewpoint isn't doing you any good. You can't simplify people like this.. not that easy to lable and categorize. I wouldn't put you in a box like this and say "I know women, they're like that." And that line of thought surely wouldn't attract any of the better ones either.

Try going at is on a case-by-case basis and try not to jump ahead to conclusions, stay open-minded.

Peace.

[bademoxy]

yeah, good luck with judging an entire gender based on your experiences in the sex industry. That's not much different than how jaded vice squad cops get about the general population after living incognito amongst the criminal underworld.
by the way, both men AND women seek the highest status mate possible, with differences mainly what each gender values as "status". Evolution: procreate the healthiest and attractive (=successful) offspring possible , since for eons the aging parents in turn required support from their hopefully prosperous married kids.
ain't many ultrarich dudes having to go out alone/no hot women on his arm, any more than hot women have no attractive men approaching for a date.
The early 60's sexual revolution and decades of industrial job offshoring have trashed the social balance : a shrinking pool of today's successful/status man with an extended "expiration date" but then a much larger pool of the physically attractive/status women, each often unaware of HER much shorter expiration date.
social media such as Tinder is the proverbial coffin nail for long term relationships.
This was all PLANNED by those who knew exactly how to weaken and destroy our civilization; seduce liberated young adults into destroying their own-and their offspring's-futures.

[KelleyNice]

It is not that complicated. In fact, it is simple. A guy wants to get into a girl's pants. Likely, he will not succeed if he says, "I horny so you will do for now."

A guy doesn't want to harm the girl but his desire for sex takes priority over what is best for her. If giving her false hope gets him into her panties; she will get over it or that is what he wants to believe. If a girl doesn't want to have false hope, she should keep her panties on until she gets a ring and proposal.

[malwins]

Yeah!!!

[little_bird1]

Totally true for those types of PEOPLE (men and women). You unfortunately had close connections with them due to your work so I'm not surprised at all. I get why you're salty, I'd probably go nuts working with them!
The truth is that anyone can lie and scam at any moment and there is no way to know; on the first date or after 10 years of marriage. But it usually shows sooner or later, and the problem is that we keep tolerating it when we first notice it, instead of doing something about it. I try to discuss it first and if things don't change I leave. It's about having standards and valuing yourself. It's very hard sometimes especially when you are emotionally attached to the person, but if they are not giving you what you want it's time to move on. Hope is not given by others, it's created by ourselves.

[TransAm85]

Ur anger towards men seems to come from something else. In my early 20's I was a stripper and escort also. In the first place, why do men cheat and pay for sex? Some aren't getting it at home, some are just shy/insecure, and some are too busy working. I was seeing this travel nurse for a few months, I think he was from Alabama, but he'd pay me to fuck him, take him around the city and spend time w/him. His wife would call and just bitch about everything! No appreciation for her hard working husband.. I don't know wut happened to u, but ur viewpoint is messed up. And I grew up w/o a father!

[killarney]

Totally agree with everything you say and agree with what you say, makes perfect sense,

[bamesjond0069]

"Don’t waste your youth and beauty on men who want to waste you." Agree.

But ultimately I think we disagree. I think the kind of men who are getting lap dances are a certain kind of men. Don't get me wrong, I am no prude, I was a stripper myself, and I am the first to say, the kind of woman who thinks a male stripper slapping his sausage in her face is just harmless fun... is a certain kind of woman. I certainly wouldn't judge women as a whole based off the clientele. Just as I think the kind of men who pay for sex are a certain kind of man that think things very differently from the rest of men.

"You’re a “safe to settle for” option" ... this is called settling down. If he settles for you at the end of the day, whats it matter he dreamed of a beauty queen? Do women not settle as well and their dreams of Brad Pitt on a horseback get crushed. lol.

[princesslibertarian]

Being a safe to settle for option isn’t a compliment. I also danced to pay for my degree to become a therapist in relationships which everyone here seems to just slip over. I’ve had clients in my office openly admit how they see their wives

[bamesjond0069]

Like i said i think its a certain kind of man, one having issues, that ends up in your chair. The man happily married and alls good isn't sitting in your chair. I dont think any of this is typical its all selection bias... which you would have learned about in school presumably.

[Johnnyroyyall]

Not all of us no matter how many people you meet or how many men you think you know there's more complexity to a man and there are more different types of men you'll constantly meet more and different types unless you do it for the rest of your life then you'll never meet all types. You can't stereotype anybody a man or a woman because they're very complex layers of the human psyche..

A self-proclaimed internet expert nobody will hold stock in that and it won't hold water

There would be more outcry at this question was asked about women? And if it was a man that asked a question game over world war.. what of words will begin... The more you know

[ronaldo75]

It's incredible how much ex-club/party girls, strippers and prostitutes feel they "know the male mind" after years of interacting with literally the most pathetic sub-section of the male population. This is why this website is littered with the EXACT same dishonest list and generic horseshit about men post after post. Day after day. From the same type of woman. Never really changes save for a few details here and there.

Even though I will admit there are parts of this post that reek of dishonest bullshit but still. So generic.

[Guy13]

Right on 🎯. For me, to have so many Guy things, sports, achievements, modeling, cars, etc… I used to be the guy that the guys would check-in with. I have two male friends now.
—Watching 90%, less strip club, of what you spoke of turns one stomach…especially when their girlfriends pick me to dump on and make feel better 🤢

I’m stealing it all as explanation 😉…if I may? I will (princess libertarian) reference…

[princesslibertarian]

Oh I’m sure their girlfriends do pick you to dump on… women do the same shit too and I’m sorry you’ve been through that

[Adam1978]

I think you should stay far away from giving advice to women because your conclusions are all wrong. You have forgotten self reflection and female side of the equation. False hope is created for most parts by the person who hope ie the woman, not the guy. The guy is just not ahole to everyone he doesn't find a valid partner. And that a good thing.

[SkyCastle90]

What's ironic is after reading this and going into the kitchen for a muffin, there was only one left so I was like, "Do you want the last muffin?" My fiancé told me he left the last one for me, and he absolutely loves blueberry muffins.

Anyway, I feel like this article, though well written, is coming from a place of resentment. I'm a strong believer in that good men are everywhere, we just have to know how to spot them.

[DarkWinterNights]

There seems to be a lot of similarities between the mgtow/red pill thinking and this.

[MrOracle]

No doubt that there are some bad guys too - we men run into them too, and know they exist - but the truth is that decent men tend not to be as confident or assertive (because they aren't assholes), and a lot of women are only attracted to the assholes and don't even acknowledge the decent guys.

That's their own choice, but it's not reasonable to project that behavior onto ALL men.

[SkyCastle90]

@MrOracle

100% agree.

[Screenwriter]

I think this is accurate in the case of some men. But the big question is how do you KNOW it's false hope. If a man goes through the motions, as it's clear the men you're describing are doing, a woman can be fooled if she's in love.

The only "tell" is time. If years are passing and the relationship is in neutral, it would seem it's fish or cut bait.

[boots786]

shareing your experience and helping out others is a very good thing and I or anyone would really appreciate this as it will help many womens. but in the first example you said that every man has a girl in mind as last option and this is what I disagree with. yes it is agreeable that most of them do that but stating it as every man is not good.

I recently got engaged with the love of my life. and she is the only one that I have loved and ever thinked about being in a relationship with. it has been more then 10 years of me loving him and she rejected me many times and just recently accepted me amd my love which I am greatful and in all these years I never thought about other girls. this is why i disagree with you saying every men in your first point/example.

[Sixgunsound]

The John used your body like you used his wallet. It’s not a judgement it is what it is. Picking and then picking on such a biased self-selecting sample as representative of the general population is academic malpractice, and someone with a Master’s degree should know that.

[TheSpaceGnome]

You can't be a stripper or an escort (let alone both) and expect to get good guys.

Good guys want good girls who don't whore around. Your experience is limited to the men at the bottom, the types who no nice woman would touch, and your "advice" and descriptions of men are waaaaaay off if you apply it to most guys.

Stop fear mongering and man hating just because you made bad choices in life and it effected who wanted to be with you.

[dimtri]

It's sad that you have this opinion that all guys are genuine arseholes.
FACT: Nice guys do not ever need to pay for sex, and I'm sure you were not forced into sex work as you made a comment my time is my money so I really I don't feel sorry for you at all.

[Avicenna]

Well, you're talking about a tiny subset of men who were going to a woman they knew was trying to extract as much money from them as possible. So both were using the other and aren't representative of their respective genders.

[Manab]

With all respect to thyself, those jobs arn't much good themselves to seek advice. In your whole life, you have seen either ad men or men with their lowest point in life or someone who just want some fun but that isn't their identity. A lot of men are actually good and don't play games are hardworking and actually don't have time to fling around. You aren't giving great advice, you are just resonating with other women with your trauma.

[massb]

Exactly

[EmyyWolf]

This makes me loose so much hope.
And I believe you because I worked around men mostly. Since I do Security.

I think the HOTTEST most attractive men are SURELY like this. Because they just simply “can”.