Why Opposite Sex Friends are Harmful to your Intimate Relationships.

[DaveJord]

My girlfriend went out on what could essentially be called a date with another man. This really hurt my feelings, but I really struggled to find a way to explain why it hurt me, because honestly, she does not see what she did as being her problem, but as my problem.

I really struggled to explain to her, why it was issue to me, because in my mind it just something every 5th grader should know. I really struggles to find the right words in order to explain my problem to her, when she insisted that I was being motivated out of jealousy and not genuine concern for the future of your relationship.

What Defines An Exclusive Intimate Relationship

Exclusive relationships are not just defined by the sex, it's the emotional bond that develops within an intimate relationship that then becomes the responsibilities of each party to nurture and maintain. There is long established research and statical analysis that substantiates the fact that when Opposite Sex Friendships occur between two people, and one of them is in an intimate relationship with a third party it can cause harm to that intimate relationship if not handled properly.

Opposite Sex Friendships

Opposite Sex Friendships can be strong, powerful and healthy to have. But research has shown that 64% of men and 44% of women have had friendship developed into sexual relationship even though they did not start out as such. The real problem with maintaining these types of relationships is that it makes it harder for you to find, form or maintain intimate relationships with other people. Even when the Opposite Sex Friendship is not sexual, it threatens the emotional bonds you have or could have with your intimate partner.

Emotional Bond

The emotional bond is what allows two individuals to develop trust and be vulnerable with in a relationship. This is what creates an intimate bond between the two and allows them to feel safe and secure within the relationship. If this bond is cared for in the right ways it allows for the individuals to prioritize their relationship with each over all others. Research shows that these bonds are developed over time, and when it is fragile people who properly care for it will give that bond priority, and in doing so makes that bond stronger. More less by acting on their belief in the other person's good nature, when times are harder thereby allowing for them prove they are worthy of that trust and love.

How Opposite Sex Friends threaten the Bond.

When forming an emotion bond and intimate relationship with another person, it is your responsibility to protect that bond and nurture it. This means you must not only set boundaries on the intimate relationship, by protecting yourself through establishing healthy behaviors and expectations with you intimate partner, but also you must protect that bond from interfering or causing harm to it. This also means you have to set boundaries on yourself.

How you choose to interact with Opposite Sex Friends can put undue strain on your intimate relationship.

The Threat

It is not uncommon for the Opposite Sex Friends to become jealous of your intimate relationship. This due to the fact that you should be prioritizing that intimate relationship above all other relationships. It is not uncommon for your intimate partner to display concerns or object to your Opposite Sex Friends or relationships. This simply is due to the simple facts that Opposite Sex Friendships poses a threat to the growth of a strong emotional bond and intimate relationship, because it is perceived as a violation of trust. This is not only based upon common sense, but there is scientific and statical analysis that support this simple fact. These types of Opposite Sex Friendships pose a threat to the emotional bond and trust between you and your intimate partner.

When your intimate partner objects to a Opposite Sex Friendship, do not assume it is motivated by their lack of trust in you. Do not assume it is motivated by jealousy or insecurity. In fact, it probably stemming from their own sense of self-esteem and emotional intelligence and displays that they have strong grasp of what is required to maintain an intimate bond in a healthy and productive way.

The problem is not with your intimate partner, is most likely the way you or your Opposite Sex Freind is handling the friendship.

What not to do!!!!!!

1. Don't prioritize your freinds over your intimate relationship.

2. Don't hide activities or opposite sex friendship from you intimate partner.

3. Do not try to make your intimate partner be freinds with your freinds

4. DONT CALL YOUR INTIMATE PARTNER JEALIOUS OR CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If your intimate partner is perceiving your behavior with opposite-sex freinds as a threat to your intimate bond, then accept that for being exactly that. The intimate bond you have, has been created between the two of you, and it your responsible to protect and maintain it. If the bond in meaningful and worthwhile to you then you must protect it. Sometimes protecting something means giving up personal freedoms or choices in order to build something stronger and more meaningful. If you are unwilling to do this, then you are not ready for a serious relationship.

[dynamicyandere]

I have friends that are the opposite sex. They’ve even invited me to hang out with them, alone.


But, something about it just feels wrong if I don’t bring my girlfriend along.


When it comes to spending time with the opposite sex, if I’m taken, I just hang out in groups.


That 1-on-1 interaction just feels a bit too intimate.


And if we were to both start hanging out with people of the opposite sex, 1-on-1, I can see how that would cause us to both start to raise our guard up a bit. And, the only way to prevent that tension from happening is to start detaching from the outcome—to stop caring whether or not your relationship is strong. But where is the intimacy in that?


One way of looking at it is like raising a close and happy family vs pursuing a very demanding career. It’s extremely difficult to do both, and sacrifices need to be made. Time on one side takes time from the other side. Neither side can reach their fullest potential. One side must take priority.


Do they want to be an OKAY family man buy an absolute superstar in their career?


Or do they want to be the absolute best father and husband in the world and they’re willing to be less ambitious with their career?


Now, we can swap these 2 things with boyfriend vs guy-friends.


Do you want an absolutely amazing relationship with your boyfriend, and your guy-friends take lower priority?


Or does your freedom to meet with your guy-friends 1-on-1 take priority over your relationship with your boyfriend. Your freedom to do that comes first, even if it costs the closeness and intimacy and vulnerability between you and your boyfriend?


It’s a matter of priorities.


And meeting 1-on-1 with friends of the opposite sex is just 1 step away from having an open relationship.


Because an open relationship would mean you can meet with them 1-on-1 and do whatever you want, as long as you come home to your girlfriend/boyfriend.


The physical exclusivity is lost but the emotional exclusivity remains.


But it is notoriously common for sex to arouse feelings of emotional attachment. So it can very easily become an emotional affair as well.


Anyway, I say all that to say, I agree with you. At least when it comes to meeting with friends of the opposite sex 1-on-1.


I don’t believe it should be done because it’s really pushing the limits of what may harm your bond with your significant other.

[dynamicyandere]

but an absolute superstar*

[dynamicyandere]

Not to mention, every single one of my 7 long-term relationships started off as me being a friend.

(NOTE: I don’t steal girls from people, I date single girls, but we always start off as friends.)

The friend zone doesn’t seem to exist for quality guys that have good game.

I know this as a guy.

So, “he’s just a friend” means nothing if that “friend” has enough charm.

[DaveJord]

@dynamicyandere well said, very well put. 64% of men have had friendships with women torn into intimate sexual relationships, even when it did not start out that way.

[dynamicyandere]

@DavidJord Thanks! And thank you for sharing your post. 64 percent. I was surprised that it’s so high, but it also makes sense. Good to know. 🙂

[dynamicyandere]

@DaveJord*

[Hannajenky]

This is over the course of their whole lives, not every single relationship.

[DaveJord]

@Hannajenky Correct, but the point being is that it happens, and it happens often. So when someone comes forward with a concern, do not assume they are acting out of jealousy or trying to control you. Take responsibility for the fact that they care about the relationship and want your actions to show why their trust is well placed.

[chicosuave]

can you tell us how you attract women? what is your personality like? and how persistent are u?

[dynamicyandere]

@chicosuave

First off, for personality, you need to do you.

Everyone is going to have a unique personality and everyone is going to have unique chemistry.

You need to be true to you. Authenticity is key.

What if your authentic self isn’t enough?

Then work on becoming the best version of YOU. And it eventually WILL be enough.

The #1 key is working on yourself. Gradually becoming the best version of yourself that you can be.

Again, just being yourself might not be enough.

But. Evolving and becoming your BEST self will be.

That’s pretty much in a nutshell what has worked for me.

I’ve been improving myself intentionally for the last 7 years.

And even before then, I wasn’t trying to copy what other people were doing, I had my own way of doing things, my own philosophies, and I walked to the beat of my own drum.

You gotta do you. That’s what will set you apart and that’s what will make you interesting.

Then work on yourself. Your fitness, your mentality, your career, your social skills, everything.

You’ll reach a point where attracting women becomes pretty effortless.

They will come to you, you don’t need to go to them.

You don’t chase. You just hang out, have fun, and be yourself. The ones that like your vibe will be drawn to you. And you can take things wherever you want from there.

I don’t do pickup lines or any gimmicks or tricks. I just have well-developed social skills and a sharp intuition.

My game is all inner game. My style of attraction is all about exuding an energy and vibe and presence that is captivating. And it doesn’t turn off, because it’s authentically me.

You’ll get to that point if you continually work on yourself.

You’ll emit your own unique energy. The right ones will be drawn to you to listen to the song of your soul.

[Cheerfull009]

Only to harm your relationship

[DaveJord]

@chicosuave Well it is a common tactic for men to become friends with more than one woman at a time and maintain these friendships over time. It a easy and nice way to slide in under the radar and really get to know a woman without the immediate stress or worry of intimate relationship.

I am not one of those guys, and I think that men that do this are disingenuous... because at the root of all things is the inherent sexual tensions that exists between opposite sex friendships... and let's be honest, 64% of men and 44% of women have had a platonic relationship turn intimate. So it's very successfully tactic.

I for one don't have patience to play make believe with myself or women, I am more than willing to make friends with a woman and give her time and space... but I make my intentions known from the start.

So how do I attract women... fuck not very well. All I know is that between on line and in real like I tend to meet someone every few moths or so... date them for a few months or so and it burns out.
Honestly the more woman I meet and date, the less and less impressed I am. Pretty sick of it honestly.

But apparently I am not terrible at dating.. I am just terrible at meeting the right types of women... so to answer your question... Fuck I don't know.

Women my age tend to be single for a reason, so they are super hard to get close to and date long term... but fuck I was married 22 years and had no idea how hard finding good women would be.

[Guy13]

Opposite Bestie is the main reason I will terminate early. I already know where and who is getting her deepest thoughts and feelings. And hearing the things about me that she should be telling me..

I am not sharing and splitting with someone she found attractive in some way. She became friends so there has to be something there that’s always a problem with me and a martini away from Cheating. No Thank You…you can have him. 👋 later….

[DaveJord]

I agree 100%.

[Pacquet]

I have a female friend thats in a relationship now and sometimes there's flirting but I'm careful not to cross boundaries (including my own). Part of me feels bad because I feel like our friendship could put a strain on her relationship so I started hanging out with her less and less and have reduced our relationship to sharing memes. I date and see other people but I would date her if she was single, I just don't want to be the reason she breaks up with her boyfriend.

[DaveJord]

@Pacquet I would say if you feel this way then completely understand the main piont of my post.

[Pacquet]

I agree with it, it's an unfortunate truth. I avoid dating women with mostly male friends for this reason.

[DaveJord]

@Pacquet yup good call.

[Rosexøxø]

Great take! 🙌

I think it will ONLY depend on the needs/ objectives (what they want)/ perspectives (how they view the other friend) of the relationships.

Boundaries are helpful, but they should just be there- if anyone has to actively think about placing boundaries because they don’t “feel good” if the boundaries are not there, then it means there is vulnerability and weakness. High stakes that at any down point in their life, they’d cling or really extract from their friends and that could cause jealousy from their partners, especially if the partners are struggling with insecurities themselves or just insecure about the relationship.

I can’t fully support the very true topics mentioned above, but I will 100% vote on the 1-5 things NOT to do as being very wise in moving the relationship forward.

All of them, tbh.

Great share! 🙌 🔥 🙌 🔥

[DaveJord]

For the most part it's not thst opposite sex friends having adverse impacts... its more about how you address it and work it out with your partner in productive way.

But once one or other views your interactions with opposite sex friends as a issue, then yes it becomes a question of how important is that emotional bond and intimate relationship to you?

I for one have lots of same sex friends, and not a one of them, in all my 46 years, got into a serious committed relationship inwhich they didn't have less time to hang out with friends.

But as a man, with man friends, we know and understand that is natural and the way it goes, when meet that very special women. Because at end of the day, that woman will physicallyand emotionally so thing for yoy thst no man can compare with. So more or less we expect the same from our intimate partners and if not with their same sex friends, definitely their opposite sex friends.

Because to opposite sex friends, could potentially to those emotional and physical things for you that your same sex friends can't. And the fact that already have an emotional friendship bond with that opposite sex friend, almost puts you have way there.

[Rosexøxø]

Yes! I think we agreed in different styles!

The addressing it is similar to the perspective/objective but an address is the setting of boundaries and being mindful. It’s a decent compromise or added portion of responsibility that would come with those relationships.

I love it! Very enlightening

[TruthBringer]

Great take @DaveJord !

Anyone who values their intimate relationship should be very careful when it comes to opposite sex friends. There is almost always one person who wants to be more than friends. And many relationships have gone to shit because of drama involving opposite sex friends. That's why both my girlfriend and I don't have opposite sex friends. We both have our own same-sex friends. She has hers and I have mine. And for years we have no drama in regards to this department. Whereas I've witnessed all kinds of shit happening to people who don't think there is an issue or any danger to this.

I've seen women especially use male-friends as a back-up/safety net. They keep them as rebounds when things don't work out with the main guy. They then fall back on their male-friends as an act of revenge or a way to cope with the end of the relationship. This goes to show these "friendships" are often mischievous from the very beginning.

Anyone who tries to throw it back at you, calling you "insecure" or whatnot is obviously trying to GASLIGHT you with an Ad Hominem to try to undermine your argument, rather than address your argument head on. So in other words, people who are intellectually incapable of producing a valid argument. So they rather attack you because they have nothing of validity to say on an ADULT matter.

A while back I've made a Take on this topic for anyone interested:

Why it’s almost impossible for men and women to be “just friends”

[DaveJord]

So true and thanks. They want to believe these relationships are platonic. Which maybe they are on physical sex level. But what they are doing is forming an emotional bound and commitment with another person other then their SO, which violated the terms of the emotional bound and trust of the committed intimate relation.

So they are cheating on a emotional level, because apparently their boy/girl friend is not enough for them.

[TruthBringer]

@DaveJord Very well said. Emotional cheating is a major one indeed. And next to that, the male friends are almost always just waiting for the moment when the girl is most vulnerable to try and get with her. Whether that is when she has a fight with her boyfriend or when she freshly broke up. But yeah, the emotional bond thing is probably the worst, because it almost always leads to physical cheating.

I know people who simply used their "guy friends" as their rebound and some simply cheated on their significant other with their male "friends". The absolute worst women in regards to this topic are the ones who are "one of the guys" (women who mainly befriend guys). That's the type of woman who is an absolute no no to get into a relationship with.

My girlfriend didn't have guy friends before we got together. And neither is she interested in it. She only wants my attention/validation and is content with having just female friends. Lo and behold, we never have to worry about opposite friends drama.

[RavVid]

I have been through something like this. In my case it was a former partner maintaining a strong friendship with my now partner. The sexual aspect was not such a problem to me as my current partner terminated the ex and I was very convinced that if she saw him in a romantic way than I would have been out the door ASAP.

But I was jealous. My new partner would text me me or would call me wrt to something that upset her. And say we will talk about it when I got home.

Then when i got home I found she had discussed it with her ex partner and she was over it now. You want to be of use to your partner right? You want to wave your male magic wand over your girl and make it all better - that's what you do as a guy right? Comfort your female. 'Cept I didn't get too. I felt usurped and un-valued. Wasn't happy.

Girls never apologize. their female friends and male friends will tell them they are wrong and an apology is warranted. So their friends can be great allies in the relationship.

HOWEVER no reasonable partner should ever give you cause for doubt. It is called mate guarding. Girls do it, guys do it, mammals do it. Its the girl calling you, you calling the girl. 'Watcha doing?'. If we are serious about someone we are happy with mate guarding because 1/ the fact they are mate guarding shows they are serious about you 2/ By telling them what you are doing is demonstrating your fidelity. Win win for the generic guy girl team.

If it is not being played like this dump her. If she has a good friend the protocol is she should want to introduce you.

[DaveJord]

She violated the terms of emotional bound, sure her former boyfriend and her may noe be platonic sexual... but emotionally that connection is still there in terms of friendship.

So you feel she kind of cheated on you emotionally, because she maintaining emotional relationships with other people and that makes you feel inadequate or less special within your relationship with her.

[RavVid]

Exactly.

[Red-Blaze]

I really disagree on this
on a few levels and agree on very few

I do think an intmate bound needs to be priotized, but not become the all and all

If your partner is jelues or making things up you should abslotly call it out and not just say "right, I wanted to fuck them sorry was not aware if it, you know me better then my self"

Your research I assume talks about pepole not in a relashinship, and sure it makes sense, we friends? we got simmiler hobbies? can it become more? sure!
But when your in a bound you put that there, and agree for no outher intmate one to that degree, and to be honest

Even more let me ask, I am a BI should I cut any possible connection with any human kind as my partner thinks I may be having sexual with them?
Should I lock my self in a house with a dog to not risk it? should I get rid of the dog if the partner suspects I may be sexual with it? I mean dont call them crazy, just accept it right?

Honestly this sounds to me like a terrible way to do things, if you can't trust your partner find one you can trust, or then its really not there problem its your problem alone

[DaveJord]

So this is based upon the fact that you are in a intimate relationship and still out there making new friends and actively meeting new people.

As far as the bi thing goes, I got nothing to say about that. I am straight heterosexual so i have no idea how that works for you guys. But once your in a intimate relationship with someone you just have to work that out worth them. But as a heterosexual it would be a challenge to me.

[Red-Blaze]

On past experiences and knowing my self
I mean if I had casual sex partner I keep being friends with them with no sex what so ever, when I start a relationship
Its a change in how you think and always been clear on it
When I am in a relationship its a closed one, I don't like the open one idea, and the moment I go intmate with someone, I don't even consider having sex with anyone else, its not something that cross my mind

And I completely agree to work it out with your partner, but that remains what it is
I mean if someone thinks I may get into intemate with anyone else, while I am with them there just mad, or don't know me at all, and then I dont know why there intmate with me

I am big on trust, I trust them when I give them my heart and I trust them to do the same, there can be many friends but my intmate is with one and only one at any given time

[Red-Blaze]

About the Bi

Just see it as you got attraction to woman, I got to both, its not that different on the basic level

[Anonnnn909]

She's putting herself in situations for something sexual to happen with that male "friend"...

Even for people who claim an opposite sex friendship is platonic, 1on1 still opens up the doors for that to change to a sexual relationship.
Lets say you got into an argument with your girlfriend, well. that guys right there to console her, she feels like he's giving her attention, affection protection and... more.
Or, perhaps on a "date" she gets "swept up in the moment" and does something with that... guy friend. (and therefore doesn't truly love you)
Maybe they drink and things progress further there.

All of what we know about modern psychology, points to this further developing a relationship. for her and her guy friend.

Now, that's under the assumption that they are platonic which statistically is probably not the case. ESPECIALLY since she's spinning it around and calling it a "jealousy" thing, more likely she is already cheating.

Good post OP

[DaveJord]

100% what she was doing. She was playing this guy or playing me, wither way she wanted me on the hook and him on the back burner. And I was not having it. She turned out to be a phyco, she lost her shit like a craxy woman when I confronted face to face.

Simple fact is that you do not have to physically have sex with someone else to be a cheater. The essential bases for a emotional and intimate bound is trust. If you are taking actions that violate that trust... then you essentially cheating on a emotional level by engaging in a process with another man, when you are already in committed relationship with your intimate partner.

[HippieVeganJewslim]

I have to disagree on this topic. My Flower Girl is my friend and comrade with no further introduction (as She loves evil kitties). She’s also my sister, as all Muslims are brethren and sistren. I mind not that She wants to marry this guy, because I know She loves me and She knows I love Her.

I met Noura on Facebook. She was at first my friend and comrade with no further introduction, as She also loves cats, and has a tomcat named Mama. Later, She said that We’ll marry in Paradise. Our friendship did turn into romance, but that means not that all heterosexual friendships will.

Friends are very sad to lose, but would you rather lose a friend than lose a romantic partner? Most of my romantic partners ended, but that ain’t as bad as losing a friend.

Noura calls Herself a crazy woman, and that bothers me not. I’m just as mad as She. I wouldn’t mind if I get called mad. She also minds not me having other romantic relationships, but I wouldn’t want other relationships over Her. She has some friends that are also my friends on Facebook. More friends are never bad.

[chicosuave]

bro that ho is not respecting you while she is leaving with other guys. Its funny how women say the opposite things and men say the opposite. we definitely do no agree in terms of this subject. Now If a girl wants to be in a liberal polygamist/hypergamous relationship then she can find a guy who worships the same thing. there's a difference between that and a monogamous relationship. dont let feminism dig that belief in you especially all the women saying its jealousy when in reality its respect. women are trying to push this hypergamy agenda in men because that's how they broaden their options. its female nature. Break up with her and dont look back. those women are full of bad news. Its gonna hurt u more in the long run then when she decides to leave with another guy and she so called him " he is just a friend," so leave her before that happens. have you ever seen the movie Jarhead? that's exactly what usually happens in the real world.

[DaveJord]

@chicosuave i did end the relationship... basically she would not respect my point of view. She demands that I should of trust her, but she could not understand that it was not about trust or jealousy, it was about her taking responsibility for her actions. When she demands my trust, but then takes actions that are perceived as disrespectful and violates trust.

So yeah I dumped her, and I wish her the best of luck. I am sure there are plenty of other guys out there that will offer her half as much and put up with twice as much. I am not one of those.

[chicosuave]

Its better to be alone then being tortured like that. youlle find someone else who is better.

[DaveJord]

Absolutely thanks man!

[Subarugirl]

Heathy friendships do not harm intimate relationships.

Just because you have a bond with an intimate partner doesn't mean you cannot have bonds with your friends.

Any heathy friendship with have some sort of emotional bond, that doesn't detract from the bond you have with your significant other. Healthy friendships do not put strain on a healthy relationship.

What is damaging to intimate relationships is a jealous partner who threatened by their girlfriend/boyfriend's friends. That is what's damaging.

[DaveJord]

Healthy opposite sex friendship do not disrupt emotional bonds, but that's not the case here.

[Subarugirl]

Who's emotional bond was disrupted? Sounds like it's yours because you dont like your girlfriends' friends.

[DaveJord]

Exactly, and she should care about that. Just like if she had issue with anything I was doing. That's the terms of unwritten contract of the emotional bond

Why does she feel the need or desire to be out meeting new men, and potentially develop emotional connections with them?

She is in committed relationship with me, and if thst isn't more meaningful and worthy to her... then in my perspective she creating doubt and mistrust. Because she may be staying sexually platonic, but on the emotional side she's not platonic... she seeking knew and possibly better opportunities.

That sows mistrust and threatens our own emotion bound of trust.

[Subarugirl]

So because you're dating her.. she can't make new friends? You don't see how messed up that sounds?

[DaveJord]

It's seems as if you are not getting the piont. No one am not saying she can't. She can do whatever she wants, but in saying that... since we are in a committed relationship with emotional bond, if feel she is taking actions that could threaten that bound she should respect that as well. She should take thst into consideration.

So in this case when a man she just met through a friend two days ago shows up on front door step unannounced and asks her to dinner... yeah that ain't right.

She is violenting the terms of the emotional bound, and undermining my trust... because she is engaging in process on a potentially emotional level with another men. To me that's a form of cheating.

[Subarugirl]

Ok you see her being friends with guy as cheating... then why are you still with her?

[DaveJord]

I am not seeing her anymore. I broke it off with her, not because of this issue exactly... but in some degree it was because of the pattern of behaviors that she was establishing that became to anxiety provoking for me.

I do not see her being freinds with guys in general as cheating... but I do view her actions in regard to this specific incident as violation of trust. This was literally a guy she just met the day before; he shows up at her door unannounced and he asks her dinner, and she expects without hesitation while I am on the phone listening to the whole thing. Yeah, her actions in that moment made me feel very septal and devalued. I tried to work through that with her... but she would have none of it.

So, if that is a me problem, then so be it, but I just do not want to be with someone like that. Boundaries need to be established for a reason, and people who truly value the relationship should be willing to work through that process in productive manor.

[chicosuave]

subarugirl- its not jealousy you baboon. its called respect. same when hos call out their boyfriend for checking a girl out.

[Subarugirl]

@chicosuave you name call and then speak of respect in the next sentence?

There is a big difference between platonic friendship and oogling other people lol

[DaveJord]

@Subarugirl Let's say you and I were dating, and I was introduced to a sexy woman... and she showed up at my front door a day later and askes me out to dinner. How would that make you feel?

Think about that, she had the courage to come up to my door, knowing you were dating me and as me out. We know how much people hate rejection, so why would she risk that, unless she had reason to believe that I would say yes?

Or she honestly, she did not care that you and I were dating, and figured the worst I could say was no and that would be that right?

Be lets it happens and we were dating and she shows up at my front door to ask me out to dinner as "Friends" and I went without hesitation.

Sure, maybe we just go to dinner together and that's it. But what did not happen was that I said no to her, and that was that. By saying yes the door is open... once you commit to that dinner then you are willingly participating in a process with another person, that could have long term potetial harm on our relationship together. In that moment wouldn't want our relationship together to be more important to men than to risk my disrespecting you or allowing another person to get the way?

It's not issue to me if, if I do not think our relationship is that important to you, right?

[Subarugirl]

My husband just went you to lunch with another woman today. Here is the thing, I trust my husband other wise I wouldn’t wouldn’t be with him.

[DaveJord]

Did she come to the door unannounced and just ask him out after he just met her the day before at a social event?

Or was this someone he has known for a while, and you were you aware of this person before she randomly shows up out of the blue to ask him to lunch?

[Subarugirl]

She’s his employee. Yeah I’m aware of her

[chicosuave]

its same thing. Its called respect. i dont think you understand what is respect in a relationship. wait your 15 you've never been in a relationship.

[Subarugirl]

@chicosuave I’ve been married for 6 years

[DaveJord]

@Subarugirl Yeah then in that situation I would not have an issue either with him going to lunch with here, because that is someone that he had a preexisting relationship with. But that is not the specific type of situation I am talking about.

[midnightmoon05]

They can be friends. Not close friends.
friends - I am also part of the friend. Respectfully, I am the priority … not that friend.

close friends = bad. I am not part of them. They have their own little secret before you two met and they want to keep it that way.

know that, love and respect go along…when she excludes you…she doesn’t respect you.

[DaveJord]

Sounds fair

[ArrowheadSW]

I have a lot of friends who are women. I am doomed in any future intimate relationship! Kidding... Anyway, I have no problem keeping romance out of the friendships that I have with women who I am friends with. Next time I get a "romantic" girlfriend perhaps I'll have to explain this ahead of time.

[DaveJord]

Yup, really comes down to that next romantic interest, her preview on the subject and how important it is to you.

[rabbitzzz]

I agree. But it should be one way. Males should have as many opposite friends. Because man actually can have female friends without being sexual. But if it's the other way then it's a problem as a partner. While I believe women are free to chose to do whatever they want. Ideally My partner should not have opposite friends. But also accept the fact that I can have as many female friends as I want.

[DaveJord]

Nah... it does work that way

[DaveJord]

Does not

[crazycagurlz]

Guys have literally told me the only reason the make friendships with girls is in hopes of getting into her pants one day. Women can have platonic friendships with men but men can't with women.

[DaveJord]

@crazycagurlz well I get your piont, but women can’t really either... not if it's not really what the bguy wants, regardless of she knows it or not. Most women know when a guy has some level of interest. But they choose to ignore it on a friend level, because women would have have a none sexual relationship with a man is she can.

So it's false belief that many accuse to be true because most women believe in what you say as being true. And most guys would accept that as true as well. But sure it's platonic to piont they have not had physical sex... but if one of them is in a committed relatioship... then on emotional level it's not purely platonic if they creating emotional bonds with other men.

And work 90% a women probably could work the a guy, but 44% started platonic relationships work men that turned intimate over time.

[rabbitzzz]

@crazycagurlz no women aren't even able to talk normally to a person they are not interested in. At public places, at work places. It's way more obvious for women who they like. And show biasness where they shouldn't. Where men are able to separate business and work. from other things,

[B0nerD0nor]

My best friend since middle school is female. 100% platonic and no sexual feelings from either side. Made my wife aware of her from day 1, told her if was an issue then there was no need for us to go any further.
They get along very well, as do I with her husband. He was worried for awhile that we had hidden feelings, but within a couple years he realized it was just great friendship that neither of us would allow someone else to come between.

[DaveJord]

Yeah, but that was a preexisting relationship so it makes it easier. If your wife did have an issue work it then you would of missed or with potential love of your life. If that female friend relationship is that imprimatur to you then marry or date her.

This more about people who are actively seeking and looking to meet new people, or about people who are unwilling to prioritize there intimate partners over their friends.

So sounds like you found a healthy balance, but honestly it's a lot harder for most people then you think. You seriously must of gotten lucky that your wife is that comfortable with it.

[inhua]

it's gets even better when she's best friends with her ex-boyfriend

on a more serious note, dunno why this shit needs to be explained to an adult and they have the audacity to call you "insecure"

[DaveJord]

No shit right? I mean I knew this shit but 5th grade.

[NathanDavis]

done it for 20 years and still going...

not a single issue ever before

[TruthBringer]

Congrats, I can name you an entire list of people I personally know who have had a bunch of issues due to opposite sex friends.

[NathanDavis]

@TruthBringer and I could show you a different list with a bunch of people that had zero issues like me

I guess... there's at least two kind of people in this world

[TruthBringer]

@NathanDavis Oh I'm sure you can. Where it gets interesting is which list is longer. You'll find that many examples and stories that clearly show friends of the opposite sex while being in an intimate relationship often causes drama. But hey, whatever floats your boat ;)

[NathanDavis]

@TruthBringer one thing is for sure.. way more often than not, the unhappier people are quite bothered by the lives and choices of others

[TruthBringer]

@NathanDavis Not sure how that's relevant to this discussion as we're discussing scenarios in life rather than being bothered by people's choices. You can have an opinion on something without feeling bothered by someone who doesn't follow it. Or do you think that anyone who doesn't share your (world) views is somehow "annoyed" or "unhappy"?

[DaveJord]

@NathanDavis. There's scientific study after study, that imperically proves that opposite friends do have potentially adverse impacts on people's intimate relationships if not handled properly.

That's a fact, now that's not to say every opposite sex friends is a issue, or that you do not handle it better than others with your intimate partner.

But in general what @TruthBringer is say is true.

[Rosexøxø]

I love these concepts. I want to contribute here because I used to be on your guys’ view platform as well when it came to friendships with the opposite sex. I have actually gone back and forth, so I do feel a bit unbiased.

I originated in wanting men friendships- then saw for myself how sexual men could be and realized they play the friend game for rebound opportunities

And that was the view I then shared until I met Nathan who gave some perspective and shared his experience, while also he is not a heavy flirt on this site and more cognitive minded.

I won’t address him because I really don’t know, but I know for myself I have also considered being asexual before. That has ALSO gone back and forth.

I want to add I seen @Red-Blaze comment with her first sentence and maybe second, which reminded me a lot of women love men friendships for the aspect their is no competition and there is a lot of humor involved and problem solving and safety benefits in those friendships as opposed to ones with females (though female friendships do benefit some as well).

I have zero close friends of either sex, mind you.

I think with all of these points to weigh in-

[Rosexøxø]

It’s possible men COULD have friendships with females if they both felt 0 sexual attraction and indeed didn’t bring a lot of emotional baggage.

If they did, they could continue a healthy relationship if they sort of bounced things off of each other: ideas and emotions/ etc.

I think that it all depends on the objective and perspective of how a person views their friendships…

Men would have problems with friends who were female if they only saw them in sexual lights and had any level of arousal that could worsen the situation if they got somewhat emotionally involved.

If females don’t feel sexual or don’t feel attracted to the male friend, then they could be friends because they’re not trying to get anything even close to sex out of each other or anything too intimate I suppose

So while a handful of women can have male friends and not want sex

I think Nathan is an example that a few men can also not be sexually attracted to a woman or just not have that as the objective or see her foremost in a sexual spotlight.

I also DO know some girls who have male friends can get jealous if he would spend more time with other girls or start dating because they want that male attention

BUT

I also know girls will get jealous if another female befriends their female friend and the attention there is also depleted.

[Rosexøxø]

I think it probably would boil down to the objectives of the friendships

The current perspectives by both of the friends in those situations

And if any of those people would have

Selfish traits/motives

Gaslighting habits/tendencies

And high dependency on certain friendships that would or could cause their friends’ s/o to get jealous of all that attention that needy friend needed.

Men could be considered sexually needy and some women too

And women can be considered emotionally needy and some men too

It’s if they’re disrespecting boundaries/ being overly dependent/ or overly selfish that could really mess up the connections between two gendered friends and their S/O’s

Does this seem accurate to you all? Or no

I think I’m agreeing with you @DaveJord that what Nathan, Truth, and Blaze said are accurate and real concepts

But there are some exceptions and variations, right?

So it’s not about the sex or emotions but the character of the persons 🤔

Because what if a trio of gay guys with high sex drive we’re friends but two were dating. Could that cause problems? I’m not even sure lol 😂

[Rosexøxø]

Hey feel free not to respond. It’s lengthy, but I find this topic quite interesting. Thanks for your contributions 🤓🙌👐

[NathanDavis]

bragging about how miserable one can have it and how many others you know who are as miserable they have it as well... that's just a weird flex, lol

[TruthBringer]

@NathanDavis I guess I've missed the part where anyone here is bragging or flexing on other people's miseries. Or are we playing the 'let's pull straws out of thin air' game?

[NathanDavis]

@TruthBringer "my list is longer than yours"

another issue about size... is just another day at G@G lmao...

[TruthBringer]

@NathanDavis The fact you interpreted that as "flexing" is mindboggling lmfao. Non-sequiturs seems to be your thing.

[NathanDavis]

such is the fate of the unworthy and the not capable...

"if I can't do it... then nobody else can"

misery is their thing...

[TruthBringer]

@NathanDavis Yeah, you're not making sense at all as you keep saying things that have nothing to do with the discussion at hand. But whatever floats your boat

[NathanDavis]

@TruthBringer there is nothing to discuss though...

you've had miserable experiences and apparently hang out with many others that have had miserable experiences

and... I've have great experiences with great people, that is all

no discussion whatsoever, like I said... we're just two different types of people with, of course, different kind of experiences

nothing more, nothing less...

[TruthBringer]

@NathanDavis So what's wrong with having experienced miserable situations? Isn't life about making mistakes and learning from them in order to be re-directed to a path of a fulfilling life?

It's the fact that I encountered people with miserable experiences that allowed me to learn from them. These are both people who I had a personal relation with as well as people who were nothing more than acquaintances. Now I surround myself with people who aren't gullible and make mistakes without learning from them. Thanks to that, and thanks to have learned from my own experiences, I am living a wonderful life free of unnecessary drama.

[NathanDavis]

@TruthBringer and so am I...

except, I never had it miserable in the first place... so I did learn from positive experiences, rather than negative ones

the thing is... you were the one who, for whatever reason... had the need to show up here at my thread to tell all about how all of you have been miserable before

if I pointed it out, is because you brought it up in the first place... no other reason

[TruthBringer]

@NathanDavis Me coming under your comment section is because you make it sound like just because you didn't have a bad experience in regards to this subject (opposite friends causing issues for intimate relationships), it would somehow undermine the message of @DaveJord. So in other words, trying to disprove the rule by pointing to an exception. And we all know that exceptions never disprove the rule. That's why I came here. Along the way, you started to weirdly interpret the points being made as "flexing on people's misery". And that's when the confusion all started (at least from my point of view).

[NathanDavis]

@TruthBringer "you make it sound"

no... I am not making anything sound like nothing... other than what I said and which is my experience

you were the one to assume, and to see what you wanted to see, which is an interpretation rather than a factual situation

then you argue that one comment which differs is the only one in case therefore call that an exception... that is what you call bias

so, at the end of the day... your cynical remark comes from a place of misery, nothing else...

as you said it yourself... you've had miserable experiences before and that's where you're coming from

[TruthBringer]

@NathanDavis My remarks come from past experiences and the experiences of others. Whether the outcome of the experience is to my liking or not is completely irrelevant to the fact that it is an experience because it has HAPPENED in life. It seems like you have a hard time distinguishing someone who speaks out of misery from someone who speaks out of realism. It's clear that you've tried to disregard an entire take by bringing in your own personal situation, simply because it does not suit YOUR biases. And then ironically lecturing others on biases. Unlike you, I do acknowledge that there are rules and exceptions out there. Meaning there are multiple perspectives, scenarios and outcomes at play. And unlike you, I don't dismiss an entire Take simply because it does not resonate my personal (anecdotal) experience.

And now you're trying to disregard a truth experienced by MANY by claiming it comes from a place of "misery". There is a very big difference between speaking from experience and speaking out of a place of misery. Speaking out of misery means you're projecting. Speaking out of experience means you can share something that you've acknowledged from an objective perspective. And let's say I or anyone else did speak out of "misery" as you claim, it would still not render their words or perspective illegitimate. A victim of rape can still speak truths about the topic of rape while speaking out of a place of misery. So clearly, we see that you have a hard time coming with proper deductive arguments.

In the end, it's clear that you're desperately trying to reach for straws simply because you cannot handle someone pointing you out on your flawed attempt to disregard a Take that does not conform to your own biases.

[NathanDavis]

@TruthBringer those who speak for many... do it our of bias

does who despise entire collectives out of resentment... do so out of misery

and those who feel the need to come to me in the first place and then pretend that it's me going after them... are just amusing

everything I pointed out... came from what you said yourself... that's not bias, that's just pointing out what does not need to be a matter of deductive arguments

[TruthBringer]

@NathanDavis You disregarded an entire Take and used your own experience as an argument. You're trying to tell us that you're not speaking out of bias? That's one hell of lack of self-awareness there, buddy 😂

[NathanDavis]

@TruthBringer you're assuming that I disregard an entire Take...

that is you feeling butthurt about the fact that others did not have to go through misery to find a better outcome...

mine was never an argument... just an experience, which is also the experience of many other

just like your miserable experience has also been experienced by others

like I said many replies ago... there is no wrong or right here

just two different kind of people on this particular situation... the ones who can... and the ones that never could

[TruthBringer]

@NathanDavis I am very glad you didn't have to experience the ugly sides of the situations in regards to this topic. But to say that I am "butthurt" because you didn't is just pure cope 😂 You may or may not have disregarded this topic by bringing your experience, but that's usually what people do when they try to disregard a Take by bringing in their anecdotal experience that directly contradicts it. Wouldn't be surprised if that was your initial attempt, though ;)

[NathanDavis]

@TruthBringer glad you finally understood this

the butthurt comment comes from your hatred towards entire collectives of people, which is evidently your case and situation... it has nothing to do with me

[TruthBringer]

@NathanDavis Your misplaced interpretations about my statements also has nothing to do with me. It's clear you're projecting your own butthurt of people not agreeing with your views onto me. Whatever helps you cope, my guy ;)

[NathanDavis]

@TruthBringer that's ironic... since you were the one to come all the way here... and just to disagree and to try to dismiss my actual experience, lmao

your views on life, are very much your problem not mine... like I said, misery does that to people

[TruthBringer]

@NathanDavis Read again what I said before, people who come with a contradicting experience often try to disregard a point being made. Just because you have an issue with someone bringing in a view that also contradicts your own, doesn't mean that person is butthurt. Keep on projecting, Nathan ;)

[NathanDavis]

@TruthBringer those who speak of their experience as the one of millions are the ones biased

and the bias comes from the butthurt and misery they have experience

and you are not projecting this, no... you confirmed it yourself, in your own statement

go read what you've said yourself

[TruthBringer]

@NathanDavis Proof of insertion fallacies seems to be your thing, my man. Like I said before, whatever floats your boat. ;)

[NathanDavis]

@TruthBringer doesn't change the fact that you're living a life of hating... because of bitterness, though

congratulations, I guess?

if you want to boat around in the sea of hatred, that's your choice and your life to be... do not make it about me, lol

[TruthBringer]

@NathanDavis

Like I said, stay on that cope, my guy ;)

[NathanDavis]

@TruthBringer good luck with the hatred and bitterness you've been harboring inside (=

[TruthBringer]

@NathanDavis
Thanks, good luck in your black-white binary thinking where you think that anyone who doesn't share your views is "bitter" and "hateful" ;)

[NathanDavis]

@TruthBringer you mean happiness? yes, that is also fortunate, rather than lucky, since it does not happen by chance but out of an outcome

the bitter and hatred you're harboring is not because of my views... I said it clearly a few times, it comes from the fact that you make it a central point in your life to be against entire collectives of people... that's bitterness brewing in hatred and misery

don't get confused, is not as complicated

[TruthBringer]

@nathandavisa Sorry to see that you once again admit not understanding that someone who doesn't share your views because they have experienced something different that also reflects that of many others doesn't have to harbor bitterness and resentment. It's obvious the only one who is bitter here is yourself because someone dared to bring an experience that contradicted your own. So in order to cope, you try to ad hominem your way to make the other person seem "bitter".

We get it mate, self defence mechanisms are your coping mechanism. Good luck with that. I'm sure that anyone you have a disagreement with must be "bitter" and "harboring hatred", and that's not you projecting at all ;)

[NathanDavis]

@TruthBringer "we"

lol...

[DaveJord]

@Rosexøxø The bottom line for most mean giving away friendship with out romance is like giving away your most valuable commodities gorgeous free.

It's like a woman giving away sex without friendship first.

It's commonly held fact that women benefit greatly from their "friendships" with men. It's like having all the benefits of a boyfriend, with out sexy or romance.

Over time men do not get the same emotional fulfillment from the friendship situation and eventually she does met another man and that relationship becomes more important to her. Because it's an emotional and intimate relationship, we're as the man friendship only thing was not intimate and emotional bond not as strong.

At this piont man feels used.

[Rosexøxø]

Well that’s a sad way to look at it. Friends don’t stay together forever, unless they decide to like Seinfeld or Friends and such. 🤔 🤷‍♀️

I see your logic, though.

[Rosexøxø]

Or new girl as well.

[NathanDavis]

@Rosexøxø "what can I gain from you?"

that's exactly the kind of mindset and attitude I mean... when I say some people are not worth nor capable of being true friends... lol

[Rosexøxø]

Yeah true I don’t see why anyone should withhold mental consolation because sex is not involved

Like 90% of our lives and society is social interaction of mental conditions and limitations as well as emotional contributions and combinations.

I think I’d sex were insured to every single human then men would be willing to be “friends” to anyone and everyone would be able to get along, but guys see the need to work sex into some sort of transaction or something like so and if it doesn’t work out they get frustrated so in turn some have evolved to dismiss friendships and positive interactions just because sex is missing from the equation. It’s somewhat sad to me as a person. Not even a variable in this whole matter or life itself.

Myself dismissing my contributions and needs to ANY of my relationships of sexual encounters and support, finds these perspectives to be saddening, as it stands.

[Rosexøxø]

It’s like 10% of our lives are geared towards sex or sexual play. It’s so insignificant in comparison to the grand scheme of life and the human mind as well as our species’ communication.

Even with animals- mating is only a fraction of their lifestyle and onwards

[TruthBringer]

@Rosexøxø I agree with @DaveJord. For men, friendships with women is often a no return on investment. Men generally cater to a female friends needs far more than the way around. You would think things should be balanced, and you'd be right. They SHOULD be balanced, but the reality often shows that the men are catering more to the female friend on an emotional level. Even when it comes to doing favors. Men generally find more worth out of same-sex friendships because men are often on the same boat in terms of dynamics of life, understand each other better, generally need less 'maintenance', and are more logically driven in their thinking rather than emotional.

And Sorry @NathanDavis, but if you have an issue with people wanting to actually gain something from a friendship rather than blindly enter friendships with people who add no value to their lives, then that shows much about your own mentality and the quality of life you choose to lead. The friends I keep around me are of the types that add value to my life and I add value to theirs. Whether it is for knowledge, fun, support or help me get my shit straight.

So there is absolutely nothing wrong with the "what can I gain from you?" mentality. This mentality should apply to EVERYTHING in life with exception to things like charity or raising a child.

[Rosexøxø]

@TruthBringer you’re so right about the majority but we can’t normalize it either we have to strive against those misunderstandings and misfortunes so others can interact better, also to be fair, I have interacted with @NathanDavis before and I have gotten on the debating end with him on this same particular topic, and I had pushed the sexuality but at HIM lol but this is the truth. He and I get along and share philosophies without the need for sexual indulgence.

I think I’m this specific case on GaG and this take, I know for a fact his style is always to bring balance to ways of thinking and common thought. I do the same with my family and such.

His experience and share was just because he wanted to probably balance this thought frame and also to show a sliver of hope to those who would as you both put it- bitter or in misery about relationships that ultimately failed one way or another.

Nathan isn’t actually in misery, and I suppose he could from any part of life as anyone, but he’s content that’s the base lien of it, and what he shared wasn’t out of misery because his share was a positive themed message. People typically don’t share misery -like things or projections from seemingly positive scenarios.

Usually OTHER people would share the positives as a sense of pride, to offer hope, or in rare cases balance to keep open minds.

Your right though. I don’t think anyone from the poster of this take to those in this comment section are necessarily wrong.

Some people make different things work? It’s not a one size fits all.

I don’t think all men are highly sexual oriented or so. Some need that stuff and some don’t. Some women need that stuff and some don’t. Some are content and balance it out. That’s probably the whole gist of it, if I could even attempt to accurately describe it.

[NathanDavis]

@TruthBringer looking at people as something to gain from... like @Rosexøxø that is SAD... lol

misery at its best

[NathanDavis]

@Rosexøxø remember that time when I mentioned that short story... difference between Heaven and Hell? those who would look at others as something to gain, would struggle the most and also right away

[Rosexøxø]

@TruthBringer wow you’re right about the gay stuff! I seen that way back.

It’s true for men who are highly sexual that the gay relationships would benefit them

I don't know we’ll have to see what happens then.

Can’t force anyone to not fuck someone or something (as long it’s consensual/humane)

And can’t for anyone to socialize or befriend anyone.

You could say men don’t get a reciprocation of effort, but is it also possible that men wouldn’t see women as friends or so?

It seems some men never take women seriously and all of their “investment” was with some hidden motive- to gain sex, so in the end, some women would call that in genuine/ disrespectful and not have wanted any part of an interaction like so.

There are sexual women who don’t mind sexual play all the time ofc, but it also seemed that some of those men with them didn’t wish to invest emotionally or make romantic efforts.

I suppose people should really only be socializing with others if the work requires it, or if they just get along ;-;

People need information- they should read

People need sex- they should do hook ups or masturbate

People need understanding? That may have to be desensitized, but ultimately that can only come from human encounters.

The back and forth

[Rosexøxø]

In conversations it’s called being conversationally invested- I feel like that should be normal ;-;

[TruthBringer]

@Rosexøxø What misunderstandings are you referring to? So far the things both me and Dave said are more general. When it comes to you and Nathan, I’m not sure whether you two know each other in person outside of G@G, because so far everything I said is more within the context of real life friendships. It’s much easier to maintain a platonic friendship and discuss topics on a more philosophical level on a forum and especially behind anonymity. I’ve done this with women as well. I’m more talking about actual real life friendships.

I’m happy that you have a positive impression on Nathan, sadly I have a less positive one because he seems to have a hard time understanding that just because people have experienced a more “negative” scenario within a certain topic, that helped in shape their views, doesn’t mean that these people are somewhat bitter or harbor resentment. That’s obvious black-white thinking whereas the world is full of nuance.

I myself have shared many personal and harsh experiences that I went through my life on this forum (and others). And I more often than not always end with a positive note that shows that I grew from my “miserable experiences” and am in a better place. For example, I’ve gone through emotional abuse in my life and I managed to learn from that experience that I am in a relationship with someone who I am happily sharing a life and future with.

I see you have a good head on your shoulders and recognize that there can be truth in more than one person’s perspectives, instead of just disregarding another person’s views because you think they somehow harbor “resentment”. That’s something Nathan would do well to take example from.

[Rosexøxø]

@NathanDavis yeah I remember it lol but feel free to share it here if ya wish to 😂 it’s a good story but I don’t agree on that one as much. I think the story is relevant because the way society handicaps many people and makes a sort of finish line that others can’t reach UNLESS they had networks of people and teams to catapult them forward 🤷‍♀️

Otherwise I would think everyone would be enjoying life and flowing naturally with kindness and fun times laughter and good sex-

That’s just my own two cents.

I don’t back you or truth bringer not even @DaveJord a maximum and entire 100%

Probably like 99% lol

[Rosexøxø]

Or 99% divided into three in this case lol actually four including myself 🤣😂 okay I’m outta hereeee lmao

[TruthBringer]

@NathanDavis You completely twisted what I said in a strawman only to resort to your same idiotic ad hominem attempt. It's quite funny to see you struggle with cognitive dissonance in all honesty lol

[NathanDavis]

@Rosexøxø it only goes to reflect how we set ourselves for failure...

feeling entitled is fertile ground for sabotage

[Rosexøxø]

@TruthBringer ofc I see what you say, but at the same time if you’re saying you and @DaveJord speak in majority or general, then wouldn’t that mean a bunch of people already agree with you and the obvious is being stated?

I also think (no offense) you and Jord speak for men’s side of this coin in the sense that men are more sexual catering for either their partners- make or female- and themselves more so.

No one had spoke for the ones who are less sexual. As illogical as some women can be or so because sometimes it’s difficult to get all the words right and spot on, doesn’t mean their is method to the madness or triggers that fuel and start different fires.

They have a side worth hearing and that’s where my mention of misunderstanding comes into play.

I think if it’s obvious anywhere, it’s obvious on GaG that the men and women users here do a great deal of misunderstanding, but many of them will assume they know the other gender and many will discredit those who know from having taken the time already to ask many questions to the opposite sex with a willing mind to learn and move forward in a progressive format.

[Rosexøxø]

I spoke for women and it seems Nathan spoke for the men who don’t depend on sexual stimulation to function in the day or in life for that matter.

I think sex and emotions have their weaknesses

Women are weak for their overuse of emotions and the times they lack logic

And men are weak for their overindulgence in sex or their ways of making all other things of life and other loving beings and species as secondary to what we know as the “orgasm.”

[Rosexøxø]

Balance is obviously required for both sexes.

[Rosexøxø]

Women seem willing to be sexual at the end of the day, but men don’t seem willing to always understand others or at least just present them with options to solve the things that they would be sad about.

Do men understand the euphoria of happy occasions?

It didn’t just have to be sadness..

Men seem to understand when a football team wins.. that’s understanding for sure.

I think things need to be explained and shown to both genders so we can function together- it obviously it’s not a priority.

At the end of the day people can keep social life as basic as possible in every single sector of it. 🤷‍♀️

[TruthBringer]

@Rosexøxø Yeah that's why I said in general. There are always exceptions to the general rule. The ones who are less sexual would have a different approach than the ones who are. In general, opposite sex friendships for a man (and I speak from the male perspective) is an investment with little return for the reasons I've already previously mentioned. That's both from my experience and I know 100% also from many other men out there. In the end, people should choose what works best for them. And I tend to take the more 'safe' approach when things could potentially damage my intimate relationship. Hence why you won't see me befriend a woman other than my significant other. There are many relationships that failed due to opposite sex friendships and the odds are always there it would happen to mine as well. So because I cherish my relationship, I am not willing to take any chances.

[Rosexøxø]

Actually my own answer to this take was that it varies

And Nathan (correct me if I’m wrong)
Shared his testimonial and shared the exception.

Some men even encourage other men not to masturbate as much. I’m not sure if orgasming as soon as it’s needed is the best way, or if having self control and prioritizing other aspects of life is the way to go.

Myself as a lady has a sweet spot where I didn’t need sex and I was not in need of any emotional support. Things seems clear to me. I was productive and progressive because I didn’t harbor the sad emotions or need validation from others who would understand me. I didn’t need 24/7 sex either.

Now I am more inclusive of the two. I think emotions keep a sense of humanity and sex is fun, but the balance is still there and needed, especially so in situations where emergencies are prevalent and lives are endangered.

Look at emergency responders-

The play makers of politics and military

None of them walk into a natural disaster feeling horny or crying lol

They’re being productive and progressive to ensure the viability of human life.

That’s just and extreme but some level of that is obviously needed in daily social lives so that companies can function and people of society can live and thrive.

Leave emotions for friendships and small greetings with anyone in customer service

And leave the sex for sexually strong minded/ influenced people or at least for the bedroom in basic relationships.

That way order is maintained and people aren’t reacting harshly to others when they don’t get some understanding or sex that they had been wanting? 🤷‍♀️

[Rosexøxø]

@TruthBringer it seems like you’re making those decisions with the sex incentive only and that seemed closed minded…

Sex is nothing logical but pure impulse and feeling.

For you to make every part of your life to cater to the decision of how you will have your sex seems a bit much, no?

Yeah, I like it too, it I don't know about closing people off because of it.

I don't know maybe it’s fair.

I’m sure everyone will work it out, and ofc ofc you both shared in general; I forgot to point out that the reason why I brought up you both sharing in general and that being somewhat obvious, it didn’t seem like a bad idea (to me) that someone literally could’ve been anyone other than Nathan, to share the exceptions because those are rare.

When getting the facts on something I don’t think anything should be discredited unless it’s pure fallacy. What Nathan shared wasn’t pure fallacy, and clearly not was what you had shared or Jord.

I don’t even speak for women intentionally. I don’t speak for men. I speak in general always. I only speak for women when they seem they need assistance, and I speak for men when they seem a bit beat up or so.

I agree with anyone who makes good points and I try to neutralize any tensions.

If I failed that here today, I humbly withdraw, but I find everything shared in this take and comments from A-Z as helpful and enlightening

[TruthBringer]

@Rosexøxø I understand where you're coming from. However, you’re wrong in believing that my decisions are based only on the sex incentive. I made a Take in regards to this topic which I advice to check out.
Sex is a big part, but not the only part. Many of your assumptions of my decision is misplaced. If you truly are interested in understanding my perspective, then read my Take on it:

Why it’s almost impossible for men and women to be “just friends” ↗

[Rosexøxø]

At the end of the day you said people will handle it as they see fit (something along these lines) and I agree as well.

In general I’d think couples shouldn’t have opposite sexed friends, unless they have self control and understand the objectives of everyone involved.

If someone is undervaluing their spouse or partner, I think literally anything else could lead the other partner astray, as enticing- even 40 dollar sex with a male or female hoe and caprisuns could be enticing for whatever reason the couples didn’t value and appreciate the good things they had there.

I don't know I’m single myself so I won’t preach my stance on this as 100% truth across the board- certainly not for everyone, but I do hope people will be happy and find balance.

I think Jord shared a great insightful take that is relevant to many people who had some messed up relationships and have strong objectives or “investing to receive” mindsets (and that can be good or bad).

And I think you shared helpful support to his take and live perspective from another male that people and couples should be wary of friends with opposite sexed people (being wary of any stranger is quite helpful).

Nate did a great job of showing the exceptions and that not every thing or every relationship as to end horribly, or be compromised so severely and for the worst outcome. He says people and friends can be resilient is what I’d assume from reading his perspective.

My piece was just suggesting everyone have balance, and it depends on how things will go in any singular relationship depending on their character’s self control, their objective, and how they view that said relationship.

[Rosexøxø]

I think I’m a bit close to the accurate truth because you both shared different perspectives and seem to have different objectives with your friends of both sexes

And I’m sure you both even have two different types of self control on various things.

That just proves it ultimately depends on people and how they work and socialize with others.

(Feel free to disagree)

[Rosexøxø]

@TruthBringer okay I’ll read it lol but if you could sum it up in one word it would be sex.

If we simplify everything between men and women it’s 90% of all men work for the end goal of good sex and 10% just don’t- they either balance or work for other things just as hard and have sex as secondary or a complimentary part of their lives.

90% of women have the end goal of emotional understanding- sharing good and unfortunately many bad experiences. 10% of them will seek good sex and the combination of good attention from men.

These are just hypothetical numbers to prove my point on majority and minority.

The exceptions.

You said it yourself sex isn’t everything but a big part, and so I think it would be your priority and the “other parts” would be secondary but to you it would be “just as significant.”

At the heart of this take you and Jord speak for the men who feel misused and those who mess up relationships because of sexual connections with the what? 👂

The opposite SEX lol not the opposite mind or heart but sex.

The gender is the problem then it is sexually based.

You went out of way to mention gay men homoSEXuals would get along better because of not so much so the understanding aspect but the SEXUAL aspect.

I won’t be confused and I don’t think sex is bad WHATSOEVERRR yes we humans love it. We love our sex, so we need to be careful when in sexual atmospheres we don’t think and later on we will realize we fucked a person who was like a sister or brother to us or directly our partner’s family member lol

I think guys may need to limit opposite sexed friends as a safeguard because NO ONE can think properly or have self control in a sexually intense environment

But now for the men and women who don’t depend on sex as much on the daily or near daily, this isn’t much of a problem. Not even so much as their time frequency of when they do it, but also what they PRIORITIZE in their social and personal lives.

[Rosexøxø]

Priority would be in close quarters with objective and what a person perceived would determine what they value and prioritize.

As an example, how men say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The perceptions determine the values and thus the priorities.

I think if we separate those things and just take a quick look at priority

We can ALL certainly agree with no confusion

That EVERYONE has different priorities

And that’s why you hear some guys saying

“Not all guys are the same.”

I won’t call those guys a liar and I definitely have some minor examples as to how they are different

So ultimately we can see every individual as a different life priority and different drives to get those

And different levels of self control

And different addictions and limitations.

[TruthBringer]

@Rosexøxø With all due respect, I have a hard time keeping up with your points because it feels like you're jumping all over the place. And not to forget to mention the unnecessary length which in aIl honesty I have no intention in reading. I did notice you mentioning that I was talking about gay men or "homoSEXuals" getting along better with each other. I never said anything about that. So it seems like you either misread or misunderstood what I was trying to say. I was talking about same sex friends meaning male to male friendships. Not homosexual friends of the same sex or whatever.

In regards to my Take, you summed it up in one word, but you're not really keeping the same energy of remaining open-minded. In fact, that summary was quite closed-minded as I clearly mentioned in my Take many other reasons to why I don't engage in opposite-sex friendships that don't have anything to do with sex or sexuality.

I advice to read my Take again more carefully and I would appreciate it if you'd take this conversation (about the Take) to the Take itself as I'm not interested in discussing it here.

Feel free to decide for yourself, but this will be my last reply here. Have a good day!

[Rosexøxø]

@TruthBringer oh I thought we were all learning here. Seems like you don’t 🤷‍♀️

You closed this all off 🤷‍♀️

All over the place to you… but considering all the points necessary to me…

You quite literally said the same sex guys have similar objectives and less emotional. Same sex guys enjoy each other sexually because of the high sex drive and such.

This is a forum site and before I entered this thread- it was like 50 ish comments long…

I thought that’s what discussions were about.

You’re calling me “wrong is closed minded.”

I never closed or shit you down nor your beliefs I pointed out observations.

I won’t discuss much now to MATCH your energy and respect your wishes, and I think

All of here did a good job of painting all the right parts for future readers to decide what they will about this topic in particular.

Like wise you too 😊

[Rosexøxø]

Wow autocorrect is definitely with me lol I don’t have the heart to actually correct it either though… ✌️😄😂

[TruthBringer]

@Rosexøxø

This is what I said: " Men generally find more worth out of same-sex friendships because men are often on the same boat in terms of dynamics of life, understand each other better, generally need less 'maintenance', and are more logically driven in their thinking rather than emotional."

So clearly, I mentioned SAME-SEX friendships. Meaning Men being friends with other men. I said nothing about homosexuals or that men enjoy each other sexually. That is something YOU brought forth and put in my mouth.

So before you call someone else "closed off", make sure you don't put words in other people's mouths. And I mentioned that your summarization of of my Take is closed minded and that you didn't keep up the energy of analyzing my Take in an open-minded fashion. I didn't call YOU as a person close minded. Big difference there, Rose.

Anyway, you're still welcome to come to my Take and discuss its contents there if you like. If not then take care :)

[Rosexøxø]

@TruthBringer oh I see. Yeah seems fair. I’ll admit wrong on the terminologies- those can certainly be ambiguous and though I did bring a different meaning it’s still the same- it’s why men cross over sometimes from just friends with males to sexually preferring males and such.

Same can be said for same sex women.

You seem closed in your fashion of closing my points of and my discussion here when you even have a border of something and a man’a tongue.

Sure you don’t have to respond but I still do think we all painted a good picture for readers to decide.

Yes, I’ll clarify, I won’t put words in other people’s mouths or deliberately
Shut down their claims and shares.

I’m that instance I did misunderstand. I won’t let one misunderstanding discredit the whole conversation or my whole share. Just that part which was botched

[Rosexøxø]

Yes I’ll gladly read it 😊

[DaveJord]

@Rosexøxø @TruthBringer @NathanDavis

The reality is that relationships, sexual or nonsexual, are all transactional. We make relationships with people that make us happy, that make us feel good and make us feel better about ourselves and our interactions together. We all invest more in those relationships.

In terms of opposite sex friendships, there comes a point when you invest and then ask yourself am I really getting what I want out of this relationship, or do I want more? So, if I (as man) am in a friendship with a woman, at some point I can only invest so much until I want more. If not from this particular woman, then I want it from another woman. When I find a woman that wants to invest in a truly intimate relationship then that relationship become more important, and it should be. So, if I have a female friend that does not want to invest on that same level with me, then honestly, she is setting a limitation on the relationship... means if I want more, I will only get limited returns from her, but potentially more from someone else.

This of course becomes very frustrating when I find someone I really like and want to build that relationship, but there is no way or opportunity to grow. At this point I got to ask myself, what's best for me? Do I live with the constant reminder that I care for this person, but she does not care for me on the same level? At what point does that start to affect my own sense of self-worth? At what point does it become unhealthy for me to continue in a relationship in which my emotional needs are not being met? Meaning when does that relationship stop making me happy, and makes start to feel wanting and lacking? At what point does her emotional needs for friendship, stop being reciprocated on the same level, where or how do you achieve some sense of balance and equal footing within a relationship of that nature?

[DaveJord]

So yes, for me once a woman decides she just wants to be freinds, that she wants me to meet her emotional needs in a bond of friendship and nothing more... that is when I detach from the situation... because I know this relationship will have limited returns for me and become counterproductive to what I really out of live. Honestly, I never met a woman that I wanted to be serious freinds with in which there was never a sense of wanting it to be more or underlying attraction.

The truth is this... it's easier from me to be freinds with a woman when I am already in an intimate relationship, because my intimate partner already is meeting my emotional and intimate needs. In the same breath, any other female friend could pose a threat to that intimate bond I have with my intimate partner. Many guys have female friends in these types of situations, and many men use that friendship to move the relationship into an intimate one later, so more or less their female freinds become their back up chicks. They get their emotional needs met from their female freinds in ways their intimate partner does not, and for women I feel it is much the same. They can both get their intimate needs bet by their intimate partners, and their emotional needs met by their opposite sex freinds. To me this same as cheating emotionally, but not physically. Which when it becomes a threat to your intimate relationships or desire for an intimate relationship is not bad.

in these types of situations, it says to me, that they need these freinds because i on some level emotionally am not enough for them, they need more. That makes me feel less than when they engage in a process with other men, that have greater potential for intimacy on a personal level. It means I am not meeting their needs and they need more.

[DaveJord]

@Rosexøxø You said; "I think I’d sex were insured to every single human then men would be willing to be “friends” to anyone and everyone would be able to get along, but guys see the need to work sex into some sort of transaction or something like so and if it doesn’t work out they get frustrated"

The thing if that its 100% easier for a woman to achieve intimacy with any man... whereas for men its way harder to achieve the same. Sure if I could get sex from 50% of the people I came in contact, with no strings attached then I would have tons of female freinds... but I do not.

I will assure you that at least 50% of your man "Friends" would have sex with you if you gave them the oppurtunity.. but that's not likely to happen. because you could go out and find a man just for sex if you really wanted to. men cannot do so as easily. So we put way more into the need for intimacy, when find a woman we can bond with on any level.

[genericname85]

i don't wanna be disrespectful here but i think if you're having trouble with your partner having opposite sex friends, you either have a big issue with trust or a big issue with loyalty.

[genericname85]

like no shit, i'm not gonna prioritize friends over my partner or be intransparent, making myself seem dodgy as fuck... but that doesn't mean i can't have them.

[DaveJord]

Never said you can't have them, it's about how you manage those relationships so that they do not interfere.

[genericname85]

:D well then "why opposite sex friends CAN be harmfull..." would have been a more fitting title :D

[DaveJord]

Lol... okay

[genericname85]

nothing against you :D i commented this because how steve harvey says it. "men can't be friends with women"... he's full of shit. of course men can. just he can't, cause he can't keep his hands off women that aren't his wife...

[DaveJord]

64% of make friendships with women, then have them become intimate later. That's 64% of men that have been successful doing this... think how many have tried and failed.

So of course men can be, sure they can. But like 90% of can't and wouldn't want to, unless there was chance for intimacy at some piont.

[genericname85]

Dude that may sound mean but there's plenty of ugly fast chicks you'd never even wanna bang XD so yes, you can :D

[FilmGuy93]

Sounds like the problem here isn't that your girl has a male friend, but more that you're dating an immature idiot.

[DaveJord]

100% proven, narcissist is more applicable

[notwoke]

yeah, you are being played a fool. This is no different than you saying you are having sex with other women but it doesn't mean anything. In fact it's worse. Check your boundaries dude!

[DaveJord]

Did and done, my man.

[Anonymous]

Mr and Mrs “don’t worry about him/her, he/she’s just a friend” have had sex with more people’s partners than anybody else.

[DaveJord]

Yup! That's the piont

[Giulyy214]

Well said, I completely agree with you, if a couple together have other couples friendships I guess in this context is fine but not hanging out 1on 1.

But a doubt, how do you think a woman in a relationship should handle male colleagues? I'm in a relationship and for my job I can take things to finish at home (working part time) and a male colleagues offered to pick up the things from my place, so I don't have to make the whole trip to work which is about 40min away. How do you think I should handle this? (I am very serious person and would never cross a boundary, but my boyfriend being the jealous type absolutely refused and said to not do this). Also let's be honest I would never give my address to someone I know could want more from me and if the situation ever changes I would make sure to speak with my boss and let them know I'm not comfortable with the situation. Any suggestions?

[Wraith_Cemetery]

This problem occurs time and time again when it comes to significant others because women can't see the consequences of their actions and put the full blame on the man.

Due to this, I always ensure where I stand on it before the relationship goes further. I only allow mutual opposite sex friends and we cannot be alone, only in a group. Luckily, my significant other right now agrees with me.