What’s the difference between being there for your girlfriend through the good and bad, and being to available and taken advantage of?

Question

I just coming out of the five year relationship with a girlfriend that loved me and I pictured spending the rest of my life with. After a few consecutive fights in recent months she went cold. I mean barely talking to me needing weeks to herself. And I could’ve easily just let things be but then I’m not sure for how much longer I’d be wondering if we’re just “going through it” or if she actually wanted to pursue our relationship. She explained she didn’t know what she wanted and I called it off because of that. I love her and still do but to me if someone’s pushing you away, you can sense it and I don’t wanna be a mental punching bag. The other side of this convo is that she would go through multiple mood swings in our relationship and would always express to me that “I don’t deserve her” or make her feel so loved in notes when I’d come home. Was I too quick to jump the gun? Should I have given her a few extra weeks to come around if she needed it? It’s festering in my mind because I care about her sooo much. I’m also seeing her posting TikTok’s on dating apps and it’s hurting me a lot because all I wanted to do for the longest time was make things work. Back in November we had a dumb and then a month ago out of the blue it happened again. That why I’m not sure if I was there enough for her needs or stepped out from being a punching bag.

lightbulb27 · Accepted Answer

fights are a sign of emotional issues turning up in the relationship. the content of those is relevant. The communication in those is relevant. If they are pms related, that's another matter.

I think we need more information and you need more introspection on what happened to sort it out. Love is... a battlefield at times, in both of you. It just brings out stuff that you didn't know existed and you have to work through to get to the other sunshine on the other side.

Taken advantage of would be her riding your financially or dangling around while already bailed out. Being there would be thinking through what is going on in her and you and trying to work it through.

If she's on dating site, then she's trying to fill the pain with pleasure from someone else or she's done.. given she isn't talking. It sounds like she is avoidant of dealing with whatever feelings she is trying to ignore. Maybe she doesn't feel worthy of being loved. Hard to say. You two have to really communicate, talk to a therapist to cleanup the mess. that's hard when the other one can't handle the pain or doesn't feel is being heard.

DaveJord · Accepted Answer

Well you have to set boundaries within every relationship... yeah some people have issues that create a burden on the other person within any relationship, the good and the bad. But at some point if you find yourself in a position where you feel you are giving more than you are receiving then you have do some some self reflection and that and decide if this is the person or relationship you want. You can't be everything and anything for someone else no matter the cost. Ultimately relationships are transactional.

annabananna · Accepted Answer

Looks like you were more interested in her than she was into you. Sorry I know it sucks. It may not seem like it now but you’ll move on and be ok.

RealMarek · Answer

The good news is that you’re still young. It’s not good to be with someone who is ambivalent about being with you, so it is best that you split up. You can find a woman who enthusiastically wants to be with you now.

boggboss · Answer

Sounds like u was trying to force a broken situation into working

Anonymous · Answer

It's not you she's fighting.
it's herself she's fighting.
there is nothing you can do about it unfortunately. You can try and help but it will be in vain.
let her go. You did what you could. And what you did was right.

cth96190 · Answer

She sounds bipolar to me. You may have dodged a.50 bullet.

Vegasrunner · Answer

Time to move on. Sounds like you dont have any other options on the horizon?

MrTaboo · Answer

Does she return the favor? Is she there for you?

Iron_Man · Answer

There’s a difference

What’s the difference between being there for your girlfriend through the good and bad, and being to available and taken advantage of?

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