Is it wrong to openly admit but your attracted to a co worker when your already in a relationship?

[Anonymous]

Hear me out okay because I know there's a massive double standard on this site especially.

I hear men at my work and places I've worked in past constantly talk about women they find hot at work and would bang and they aren't as polite about as females at work are when they like someone. most are already in relationships and I have said to them "don't you already have a girlfriend" and they are all like"so what I can still look and comment"

Like I even get men make flirtatious and crude comments to me. For example one of the lads said "wait one sec I'm just coming behind your back end" as he squeezed behind me 🤮. I was proper grossed out by it but I faked laughed because I know no one would take me seriously if I told him off for saying that.

Anyways there's a guy I have a work crush on and we are also really good friends. I'm also in a extremely happy 3 year long relationship with my boyfriend and we are very much in love. He can say women at his work are attractive but he starts getting jelouse when I say about my work friend who I think is hot.

Anyway we go out for work drinks last night and I asked by a group of male co worker do I think is the hottest. I refused to say and said I can't out of respect for my boyfriend and it be so embarrassing if they found out.

They guessed and my face went bright red so they instantly knew it was him I was thinking of. I told them not to tell anyone and they were all like "what would your boyfriend think etc" when one of them with has a girlfriend and a baby was taking girls numbers in the pub.

They told the guy and now it's super awkward between us. He's being really nice to me but I can't look him in the eyes because I feel so embarrassed. I can tell he's being extra careful around me now and its ruined are friendship

Updates

1 y

All men saying it's wrong yet I bet they watch porn 24/7 even when in a relationship, have "men's talk" constantly at work and treat the prettiest girls better than the other girls

[WonderBell99]

Eh, when I’m in a relationship, I would refrain from discussing these things with my partner. Sure, you do not get visually impaired as soon as you get into a relationship, but why bother telling your boyfriend that you find your co-worker hot? What do you plan on getting out of it?

What your boyfriend is doing is not right either. He should not tell you that he checks out other girls. I find that utterly disrespectful and it has no value whatsoever. Recipe for disaster, if you ask me. Sounds like he just wants to make you jealous. It’s like shitting. You do it every day, but you don’t go around telling people that you shat today morning, do you?

Checking out people is okay, finding them attractive is okay, but discussing it with your partner just to create some sort of superiority or rivalry is not. You’re both doing exactly that. Tell him that you are uncomfortable with him telling you that he checks out other girls and don’t repeat this again.

[Asker]

I don't mind I'm bisexual and when he tells me he finds a girl hot I'll just be like yeah she is actually. It's not a competitive thing at all and neither of us would cheat. Were actually really conservative and prudish compared to other couples we spoken too. Were just comfortable being honest with each other

[WonderBell99]

Very well, I don’t see the problem here. If it works out for you, why ponder over this too much?

[Asker]

Because of the double standard I get from it. Men at my work can say whatever they want and when I literally say nothing and they make a assumption I'm slut shamed for it

[Part2603]

The are different standards of behavior for men and women because men and women are different.

It's not "fair" that you're not allowed to gossip about a cute guy at work, but on the other hand it's not "fair" that men have to financially support their wives.

What are you gonna do? 🤷 If you love your boyfriend, then stop fucking around developing crushes. Get married, move on or whatever, but for God's sake, you DO owe your boyfriend a level exclusivity. If that's not for you, go be a degenerate poly.

[Asker]

My boyfriend doesn't finally support me and neither do most women I know who go to work.

If anything most women I know earn more then there boyfriends and husband's.

I buy my own stuff and if we buy essentials it comes out of a joint account.

I don't live in the 1950s

[Adam1978]

Why are you talking about your work friends with your boyfriend, he isn't your girlfriend and it's simply not information he requires. He probably prefer peace and quiet rather than you filling the room with unecissary information. You telling him you like someone at work is a challenge, and a way to tell him he has a rival, which will only weaken your relationship. Because now he can't trust you to be loyal. If you where Loyal that guy wouldn't even be on your mind in his company.

[Asker]

Yet he tell me he thinks the girl on the check outs at his work is cute and I'm completely fine with that. We don't live in Saudi Arabia were allowed to look at opposite sex and find them attractive if not I'm guessing you don't watch porn?

[Adam1978]

I don't see the point in discussing attraction value of other people. It's irrelevant or a sign your looking to trade out your partner. It simply doesn't add any value to the relationship, potentially just friction.

[Asker]

I actually refused to say anything and they guessed, so I didn't discuss attraction value of others. You still didn't answer my question by the way

[Adam1978]

What has my porn habits to do with this discussion? So I think it's irrelevant. Hench ignored.

[Asker]

Because you say don't focus on other people's attractiveness yet I'm sure you do when you wanna watch porn

[Adam1978]

Well obviously I don't watch things that disgust me, but it's not like they need to be gorgeous. I mean most porn actresses are average girls.

[Anonymous]

Nothing wrong w that. Hell there’s a lot of women at work I like, I’m w someone. The difference is whether you act in it or not. It’s natural to be attractive to other people. You’re fine. Your man checks out other women as well.

[NerdInDenial]

Do you work at a corporation or at a smaller business? Those guys have never heard of sexual harassment lawsuits.

[Asker]

I work in a warehouse in the UK things like that are seen as normal

[NerdInDenial]

Those guys would not get away with it in the US. Does your management condone this?

[Asker]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 half of the mangers say that kind of stuff all the time at work. In fact the lad who said that to is a big part of the union at my work and is head of health and safety

[NerdInDenial]

If you wanted to make this a big deal, I would consult a lawyer if I were you. I'm sure the UK has anti-sexual harassment laws.

[Asker]

I know it's a culture shock compared to the US I had a American English teacher in college who was ex military and once a boy in my class called a girl "fit" meaning attractive and he kicked him out of the class room and shouted at him and told him he's had been expelled for saying that in the US which I find really strange because all I hear about American colleges is rich white boys getting away with raping female students

[Asker]

They do but it's so common in working class parts of the UK I'd probably be called a feminist bitch and it ruin my chances at work or working anywhere else in the future

[NerdInDenial]

That's not true in the US. Sexual harassment is a big no-no in the US workplace, but if you are okay with the workplace environment, you have to act like a man and be aggressive like them.

[Asker]

I do, that's why I'm so popular at work because I'm used to it and it means nothing to me. I still think it's wrong and if I see them do it to another girl who I know is not so used to it in the industry I will quickly stapped it out and tell them it's wrong

[AngryCarl]

I can't condemn honesty, but sometimes not saying anything is a better option.

[Nikki1989]

Nothing wrong with that. It's human.

[Summeroflove]

Yeah that is wrong and you need to drop it

[Wise4myage]

No, that is wrong in a thousand ways.

[User3191989]

Very wrong