Search Results: will he take me back

I have not really gotten off the ground running on just about everything in life. It is really hurting my self-esteem and has left me feeling ignored, irrelevant, bored, and feeling like I am losing my ever fucking mind.

I will provide a few examples:

One, I have been trying to sell my independent web services. I am a talented web developer. I acknowledge AI is making it easier to create web apps and websites, but not everyone has fully adopted it yet for these purposes. I had a few clients and created websites for them last year. I received mostly positive feedback, and I offered my services for a steal. I was supposed to work on one more website for another small business, and it has been over 6 months and I haven't heard a thing from them. That is now $1,500 I will not be getting. They are a landscaping supply company, so this time of year would be ideal. Meanwhile, I launched a website trying to gain clients. No calls, no web form submissions, nothing. I advertise, sometimes cold call, reach out to other recruiters and company owners... nothing. One of my clients from last year that I was told needed updates, they have yet to provide me with anything. Potential and existing clients are pulling back.

Then, I am spending a lot of my time now trying to advocate and raise awareness about our crumbling public safety infrastructure in my state, as it has become very problematic. I have spoken with news organizations, and they now either lie saying they will "get to it" or I am ignored and sidelined.

I feel like I am not taken seriously now, and that I have become irrelevant.

As soon as the first bombing raid was done the gas stations ran out and jacked up the price of gas and diesel. At the end of the week in most places it was up 50 cents a gallon. When the military action is complete and ships are no longer stopped from travelling thorough the Strait of Hormuz how long will it take for prices to go back down?

I never had anyone have my back, growing up, and i recognized that my lack of allies meant I'd be seen as an easy target, so I got really big, and I'd never fight fair.

For instance, one kid started a fight with me and threw a few punches, I smashed my elbow into his jaw as hard as I could and threw him down. As he got up, I lifted my right leg up and stomped his face onto the wood floor as hard as I could, forcing him to lay there.

Needless to say, nobody put their hands on me again for quite a while when they saw that. I did this because I felt if I can't protect myself with numbers, if I engage in such cruel methods of self defense which leave the opponent hurt so much worse than me, people will be too afraid of me to try that again.

Medication I had to take to survive also made my fingernails grow very fast, I used this to my advantage. For instance, one girl tried to cut the line to sign out for the bathroom. She grabbed the pen, I sank my nails deep into her hand and slid them down, forming a gash in her hand. This made her let go and recoil, calling me insane as she observed her bleeding hand.

I hated this girl all my life, she had a big mouth and thought she could screw with me because she was tall, this incident reminded her that while she's 6'1", she weighed well under 100 pounds and I was already 180 pounds and lean at that point.

I did this because I believed i could never let anyone have even the tiniest little inch, or others will see it and think I'm an easy target cause I had no friends. She tried to cut me in front of the class, so I stood up for myself and let it be known to everyone that I will not tolerate even the smallest bit of messing with me.

As for those who tried to physically bully me, I never bothered fighting fair, I'd claw at their eyes with my long, curved fingernails if I was in a headlock. On many cases, I put my nails into their eyes before they let go, horrified at my brutal methods. How did you do?

Yep 2.3 Million Democrats voted in Texas Primaries. Republicans had 81% chance of keeping Senate a year ago. Now it is 50/50 chance. The House is about a 100% chance Democrats will take control. Looks like one Democrat will pick up a Senate seat in Texas. Republicans won't show up to vote in November. Why? Economy is terrible. Gas going back up. Groceries prices have not gone down. The new wars Trump started. Republicans are upset with their party.

Yep US and Israel attacked Iran for no reason other than killing Muslims and allowing Israel to take over Middle East. Iran attacked no other country. They didn't have Nuclear weapons, Iran agreed to more restrictions on nuclear energy than Obama deal. Iran even turned down Nuclear Missiles offers from other countries.

Now with a new leader , Iran will develop Nuclear weapons or buy Nuclear weapons. The Supreme Leader believed owning Nukes would cause countries to attack Iran. He avoided war with this policy for 47 years until Trump got power. Trump looked for war instead of trying to avoid it. Lets face it the US asked for it.

Now that Iran will have Nuclear Weapons to prevent being attack again. Should they lauch one against US and or Israel for them attacking them?

By the way our founding fathers said the US should stay out of foreign wars. If they could come back to life , they would vote for impeaching Trump. America should have no say on what any other country does or doesn't do. That means wars, trade, or how they treat people. I agree with the founding fathers.

I got emotional when I watched a TV show called "Time of death", it follows the last days or months of someone who's terminal. I got emotional as the mom gave her speech in which she expressed how horrible it was to see her son rapidly deteriorate from cancer, and fade away.

It also made me think about my childhood dog, Katie. She ended up getting sicker and sicker as her pancreas started shutting down and she could hardly walk down the stairs. She was my dog from 2007-2020. As previously mentioned, I never fit in, anywhere, Katie was my everything.

I was closer to her than most people are with their siblings, I hated being away from her, and she always howled, cried out and desperately lunged at me every time I left for school. She'd wait by the window for me, jump up, wagging her tail, and as I come in, there was a love seat by the door She'd run up, stand on, and lick me. She'd put her two paws on my shoulders to do it.

When I had surgery and was in the hospital, she refused to leave my room, even to use the bathroom and when I came back, she always cuddled so close to me and I'd always hold her close. Seeing her condition worsen and her strength fade was so hard. I'd have to carry her up and down the stairs, she'd be scared to try to walk down them.

Then I'd have to bring food up to her, her worry and sorrow always on her face as I desperately tried to comfort her. Then the day came, I remember how even in her last moments, she looked up and licked me as i told her how much I loved her, and how I'd never forget her.

I see now that although I have dogs now and love them, Katie's death burned the deepest hole in my heart.

I'm not ashamed to admit that my eyes are quite wet as I write this, and I sobbed as I looked at this photo taken days before her death. Seeing her nose, her eyes, I really loved her. To Katie, I will always remember you, thank you for loving me, thank you for staying with me, and thank you for being my dog❤️

I've been thinking, and I've come along a train of thought which holds not wanting to ask for help as a culprit for a ton of issues I've faced in the past.

As a guy, there is a desire to not rely on others for help and to handle things alone, but this is a dangerous idea as it encouraged me to step outside my lane out of a desire to prove I can handle it.

This is a huge barrier to progress as a desire to handle things alone doesn't mean I will succeed, it just means I need to step back and humble up, ask the right questions, have an experienced person handy, and then maybe.

But this "I gotta do it alone", that needs to stop. While I don't intend to rely on others, I do intend to educate myself more, explore my natural skillsets while gaining new ones, and knowing my place.

One instance where I felt ashamed to accept help was last year when I was hospitalized for a serious lung infection which came as a result of my alcohol problems leading to being taken off Trikafta, a medication for my Cystic Fibrosis which has done nothing less than give me a new life.

Now alcohol is gone, Trikafta is back, coughing and labored breathing are gone, too. But in the hospital, I recieved IV antibiotics, but the IV machine kept on stopping.

Not wanting to keep bothering nurses when all I needed was the IV machine to go back to working, I asked one nurse how to fix it, so I wouldn't be such a burden on the staff.

She giggled and playfully hit me with a newspaper, she was right, those liberties aren't mine to take, the whole reason I was sick, at all, is because I was an irresponsible mess who drank more rum than Jack Sparrow.

This issue was fixed by a PICC line being inserted in me, which I used to finish my rounds of antibiotics and from there, I changed my life but I still feel ashamed to keep hitting the call button when I just needed the machine to work again.

Have you felt ashamed to ask for, or accept assistance from others?