Search Results: kiss on the hand

So i'm currently bring courted by 2 guys and i'm haing a hard time choosing. So guy 1 he's sweet and nice and he really smellls nice not that thats important and he goes above and beyond to do stuff for me sounds perfect right but there is a minor flaw when we're kissing and making out in his car and clothes starts coming off, i stop him when he goes to my jeans but then he says he wants me to be more comfortable and he won't try t put it in but he does anyways after saying that. He pampers me and says he loves me and all that but thats the only issue i have with him. Guy 2 is a bit different yeah i feel like i can be a couch potato around him and not care how i look (idc with guy one either). But he's really big on consent and he asks before he does stuff he doesn't just do it guessing that i might be okay with it and he's also really sweet and we can talk for hours on end and it isn't just a one sided conversation we both each other time to talk and it just just feels comfortable being together and he's also not big on pda just like i am, guy number 1 i don't think he even wants us to be seen together with anyone he knows and most of his friends are married or he's ashamed or something guy 2 doesn't mind holding my hand at all in public or whatever. Our dates take place in open places, Guy 2 doesn't even want to bring me outside at all or he rents rooms for us to hang out or we hang out in his car or stuff i think he feels like he's doing it for my sake when he's not. And he doesn't give up the chance to show how much money he has and always offers to buy me stuff even after i've told him how uncomfortable it makes me. Second guy asks if i say no thats the end of the discussion. its not that i like guy 2 more i just feel like he gets me more. respects my decision more even.

Long story short

• We met online 1 month ago and texted back and forth ever since pretty often, lately it was daily. Last 2 weeks we switched to calls and talked for HOURS;
• SOMETIMES, he took a few hours to respond to my texts, but he doesn't use his phone often, I also noticed his social media is very very DRY, I think he never even posted a story or any content on his socials whatsoever... so makes me think he doesn't use his phone much
• We know A LOT about each other, and have TONS of things in common, he told me personal things, and always told me he enjoyes our conversations, we both want a serious relationship, nothing casual.
• We met the other day for the very first time, had a whole day date in a city that we wanted to explore, we basically had breakfast, lunch and dinner
• We talked nonstop, at some point as we where walking through the town we started holding hands and got touchy more and more as the day went by
• I noticed that he never used his phone, just once to use google maps and another time to call his friend for an information.. that's it he never touched his phone (GREEN FLAG to me)
• By the end of our date, after we literally talked, teased each other, joked around for 10 freaking hours, we got on this public boat bus (or w. e. they are called) and it drove us around the lake and it got crowded, and we had no space in between us so we Kissed...(I had a heart attack I loved it so much)
• And yes, ever since that kiss we did kiss more often here and there until we said our goodbies an went home... lol
• The next day, he was a little distanced, but he is from time to time but I still OVERTHINK and immediately come to the conclusion that he does not like me, but then he always comes back and shows interest... he said he wants a second date shortly, he is also wanting to travel somewhere with me... but I did have to ask IF HE LIKES ME , (cause i'm a little weird and insecure at times) and he said VERY MUCH SO, but yet his answers where kind of dry in general...

I can only imagine myself becoming promiscuous as an ultimate method of self-harm before I drink a deadly dose of Pentobarbital, so I will choose to simply end my suffering sooner. I had chances of becoming promiscuous in my life and it was really the fear of death (or rather dying alone in meaninglessness) that always kept me back.

I really hate the idea of dying alone, however. My dream is to die in someone's arms and feel safe as I pass. Before I go, I might find someone to act as my partner - kiss me, make love to me, then cuddle me or just hold my hand as I pass. I think that would be a possible scenario in Switzerland and what I would go for if I had to choose between promiscuity and death.

I ask this because I can't see myelf being promiscuous and mentally healthy, functional, and living a meaningful life at the same time.

Can you? How?